Am I being a brat?

[Rudyard]

I feel silly posting this but I need to figure out if I'm being a drama queen, do tell me if so. Yesterday was my birthday (I'm 25) and I got a card in the post signed by my mum and my brothers but no present, not even a fiver stuck in the card. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bothered at all about getting something big and fancy, a box of chocs would have sufficed. But I always send my mum presents on her birthday and I recently had my little brother up for his 18th and spent a fortune on him. Am I being silly to expect a small gesture in return, from at least one of them? I got a mountain of presents off Rudboy's parents and I feel embarrassed telling him that my mum and brother didn't send me anything at all.

Do I need a slap?

[Tess]

Do they normally give you presents or is this a one-off?

[George]

How far away are you from them? Maybe they decided not to post something but are expecting to see you?

[Slug]

I think you're allowed to feel a bit let down and disappointed.

Maybe they'll get you something when they next see you ?

[Pickle]

Oh I'd be a bit hurt by that too.

[ParisGal]

Happy belated birthday!

If presents are the norm in your family, then no, I don't think it's silly to be upset that they haven't sent you anything.

[smalex]

Are you sure they won't drop something off at some point? Have you had any 'should we stop doing presents' type conversations lately?

I'd be a bit hurt too!

[Rudyard]

Thanks for the replies. They've always sent something small in the past so this is a new development. It could just be that money is very tight at the moment, which of course I would understand but I'd be happy with a little pound shop gift or something.
I won't be seeing them for a while and my mum texted yesterday and didn't mention it so I don't think they're waiting until I see them.
Never mind, I think I just need to forget it but I just wanted to check I'm not being overly sensitive.

[Lady Bolly]

Definitely not a brat - a brat would have stormed round there & demanded a present. You are just upset - and I don't blame you. You are obviously a "it's the thought that counts" person, so no effort at all is really hurtful. I think you should let it lie though, and just reduce the budget you spend on them.

My family don't do presents & Mr Bolls' mum was horrified that it meant I didn't get presents to open at Xmas. She insisted on buying me new slippers & I surprised myself by how touched I was. Mr Bolls & I now do stockings of pound gifts for each other at Xmas & I'd be upset if he decided he couldn't be bothered any more.

[Shoe]

I'd be upset too, I don't think you're being over sensitive if you have normally swapped gifts in the past. Since my folks have moved to Spain they have missed a couple of things where they would normally send presents or cards (one birthday and Christmas that I can remember off hand) but they have always given me something or paid for dinner or a little treat the next time I see them, and they usually flap about and feel bad about it. It seems a bit strange if this is a totally new development for your family.

[Blondiejude]

No I don't think your being a brat, like everyone else has already said if your family normally do give presents to suddenly give nothing would seem weird.

In the reverse situaiton my dad always buys us a little something but not a proper present as such (i.e. he'd maybe take us out for a pint or something instead, or the last 2 years he's given me £10 worth of euros to go towards a drink/lunch on holiday which was really nice) but his new wife is BIG on presents and was shocked by this and this year they bought me a watch for my birthday from her and dad. Which came as a bit of a shock and I'm now panicking about what I need to get them so it happens the other way too!

[Minkie]

I don't think you're being a brat at all. My parents forgot to get me anything for my 24th birthday, and I was really upset. My dad's birthday is a week after mine, so I called him on his birthday to wish him a good one. He asked where his present was, and I asked him where mine was. He was very fucking sheepish. They frequently forget to get me things for my birthday, and a couple of Christmases ago they really spoiled my brother and got very little for me and my sister. I've learned to lower my expectations and/or just outright ask for what I want for my birthday so they can't use the "we didn't know what you wanted" excuse.

[Tabbycatblue]

I don't think you're being a brat, especially of it's the norm to exchange presents.

It was my 50th 2 months ago and my brother who lives just 20 mins away didn't send even a card, and unless Mr TCB had texted him twice on the day to request he at least make the effort to talk to me (I found this out after the event), I wouldn't have heard anything at all. We usually exchange presents, however he is prone to moods and selfishness, but I still struggle with feeling not cared for.

[ParisGal]

He asked where his present was, and I asked him where mine was. He was very fucking sheepish.

I should think so!

[Tess]

I have a brother exactly like that, TCB. I still send Christmas/birthday presents as it's a not sinking to his level thing, but they are notably cheaper than they used to be. But TBH, I know he's a thoughtless, selfish shit so expecting nothing is the easiest option. Ignoring his teenage nephews' birthdays gave me major rage, though.

[Ella77]

Well done, Minkie . I was a bit hurt when for our last birthdays my younger brother got thousands of pounds from my dad whereas I got 4 magazines . It was ever thus in my family though, so I just tried to seem grateful for the magazines. Belated happy birthday, Rudyard.

[Derek Nimmo]

I still send Christmas/birthday presents as it's a not sinking to his level thing, but they are notably cheaper than they used to be.

I wouldn't even bother doing this - it's not a case of sinking to anyone's level, but he clearly doesn't think presents are in any way important, so OK then!

My siblings and I are very random about when we do/don't bother with presents for each other, but there's no set pattern to it. However, my little sister is abysmal at sending birthday cards, so much so that it's become a family joke. My parents are usually quite good on the gift front, although I'm still awaiting something from them for my 40th

(I would be hurt in your shoes Rudyard, as it's clearly a deviation from the norm, without warning, and that would sting. I hope it gets sorted out.)

[Disco]

I would also be hurt/ upset. One xmas my brother got £500 and I got £20 M&S vouchers and I was silently livid.

[Derek Nimmo]

Ella & Disco :eek: You are better people than I in your restrained reactions.

[Hazey_Jane]

Ella & Disco :eek: You are better people than I in your restrained reactions.

Absolutely this. I just don't understand how parents could treat their kids differently like this.

At least when my parents forget to send me birthday/ Christmas presents/cards I'm sure they're forgetting my brother as well in Australia.