Harvey Weinstein-the start of something?

[Zoomer]

Wow. A good friend of my ex (from when I still lived in Ireland) has just been publicly accused of raping a woman. It's all over Twitter. Bloody hell.

[ParisGal]

Oh no :eek: Did you know him?

[Zoomer]

Yes! Quite well. He was always a bit of an arrogant cock, but, well obviously, I never suspected him of being a creepy woman-hating rapist, because you don't, do you?

[Kenickie]

Oh, that's horrible.

[Zoomer]

It is. I'm always in the "I believe her" camp, but when it's someone you know...

I swerve between feeling a bit sorry for him, in case he hasn't done it. But at the same time thinking that it's really unlikely he hasn't. I don't know what to think.

[Edith Bacon]

This is horrible for you, Zooms. I hope you get to the truth of it very soon.

[Zoomer]

To be fair, I'm not affected at all personally. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 17 years. It's just going round in my head tonight. Thanks though. I'm a bit shocked.

[Edith Bacon]

It’s a shock to hear something so awful about someone you know.

I had a rta when I was 11 and was in hospital for 3 weeks. It turned out that the porter who took me to the OR to be stitched up lived just a few streets away and he stayed in touch with my parents. That led to me me being frequently invited to his and his girlfriend’s house for tea and all was well, if slightly odd. Then suddenly I wasn’t allowed round there any more and I didn’t know why but it was no great loss to me so I forgot about it. And then I read in the local paper that he’d been found guilty of sexual assaulting female patients who were under general anaesthetic. My parents knew that I had read the story but didn’t speak to me about it. I’m fairly sure nothing happened to me but am also fairly sure I’d been at risk for a while.

Anyway. TLDR. People you know can do shocking things and it’s no less shocking because of time or lack of personal, invasive impact.

[Zoomer]

Jesus, Edith. That's awful. How odd that your parents never said anything to you though. Different times, I suppose.

[smalex]

The bloke who lived next door to us was prosecuted for raping a child (someone who went to the same school as us). We used to play with his adopted daughters all the time. My mum used to pay them for childcare in holidays, we had sleepovers at their house. My parents never asked us if anything had happened to us (it didn't ). It is weird looking back on it that they assumed they'd have known.

[Edith Bacon]

Different times and really crap parents. I’m making my peace with that bit.

But don’t underestimate the impact that unexpected and shocking news can have on a person.

[Edith Bacon]

Smal - that must have been really confusing and awful!

I think my parents were terrified of opening that can of worms because they didn’t know how they would have handled an affirmative response and preferred to believe that they would, somehow, have known if something had happened to me. Which is utterly laughable given everything I’ve kept from them ever since.

Sorry for the huge splurge. I’m back in therapy and all sorts of worms are out.

[Kenickie]

That's awful for both of you.

Not the same league, but the childminder my mum used for my brother was later sacked from a different job for being an alcoholic and my mum's always felt guilty.

[Ella77]

God, these stories. So awful.

I was sitting in a room of 150 men and 3 women earlier, and wondering how many rapists were in there.

[smalex]

We were older by the time it all came out (I was maybe 15?) And our relationship with his kids had cooled considerably by then. It was tragic for his kids (they got taken back into care) and for the girl involved.
It's just weird looking back at it. We thought it was so unusual at the time. I think my parents genuinely assumed they'd have know/we'd have said. I think it's something that's probably changed for the better recently (the realisation you might not know)

[Marth]

I'm in the process of reporting a doctor (male obvs) of inappropriate sexual whatever it is, from 26 yrs ago. Me and a friend. Police are investigating it. Every now and then we would talk about it and what a fucking pervy creep he was, but always thought there was no point in reporting it. It was listening to a metoo R4 section with this woman who something horrible happen to her by a GP, made me decide to report.

[Edith Bacon]

I hope you are ok, Marth.

God. So much of this and every instance has a negative effect. It’s sickening.

[Ella77]

This is the thing. They’re all around us. So many “normal” men. Not people living on the fringes of society.

[ParisGal]

Oh Marth. I hope that's not too upsetting. Is he still practising?

[Texaco Shirley]

We’re still waiting for A’s friend’s dad’s court appearance (downloading and distributing child porn). I’m sure no children we know have been involved but it’s so unsettling to realise that someone you know and never suspected has those tendencies.