Flipping parents

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Pippedydeadeye
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Flipping parents

Post by Pippedydeadeye »

Are all elderly parents such a worry?

My parents are turning into The Twits and being increasingly awful to each other. On Sunday night/early hours of Monday morning, my dad fell over in the living room and walloped his head against the coffee table. Taking my mum’s description with a pinch of salt, there was blood, and he shouted for help to get up. I’ve been worried about him and his mobility for a while.

He apparently has an ear infection and has a fever with it. I’m not sure of the timeline but he went to the GP yesterday and was given antibiotics for it. This morning he’s woken up and the entire left side of his head is red and swollen, and his actual ear looks like a rugby prop forward’s. He went back to the GP and they’ve advised direct admission to hospital. My brother was all yeah, yeah, yeah, give the abx a chance to work, stop fussing woman, when I mentioned it in our group chat. He also knew about the fall.

My FIL got admitted to hospital yesterday evening, also after a visit to his GP, with low BP and a low pulse. They’ve kept him in overnight and started doing tests. We found out around 10pm from my BIL who thought C ought to know because he’d known himself all afternoon.

Both of them are very worrying, and why do they not bloody well say anything? It’s so frustrating that they just don’t even bother to mention huge health stuff going on.

I’m expecting a weekend of flying back & forth on the A52 between Derby & Nottingham now.
Wiggle
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Wiggle »

I totally feel your pain Pip.

My mum has never really been in the best of health. Apparently she's been unwell for a few days and managed to get a doctor's appointment. She now has antibiotics but has been told if she doesn't improve to go to the hospital.
I only found out by a late night text from my sister and spoke to mum this morning. I'm going up tonight/ tomorrow morning to work from their house and to keep an eye on her. My dad is next to useless and am annoyed that he didn't call me.
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Chicky
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Chicky »

Yep. Pre Covid my dad had an awful chest infection/pneumonia and the only reason we knew is because my SIL’s mum had bumped into my parents going to the doctors ON THE BUS and was scared at how ill and grey my dad looked. She’d told my SIL and then we had to stage a series of interventions including persuading them to let my SIL give him a lift to the hospital after he’d been referred there by the GP rather than get back on the bus :ella:
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Lovely Me
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Lovely Me »

My dad regularly gets parts of his face and scalp cut off after being stupid 50 years ago and doing years of sailing without wearing any sunscreen. He never mentions it but sometimes we meet and he's sporting a giant bandage and black eyes. Has he been in a fight? Did he have surgery for cancerous skin lesions? It's a mystery.
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Princess Morripov
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Princess Morripov »

I think your description is better than mine (which is usually a general pot called “fucking old people” )

Mine like to be massively over dramatic and also martyrs at the same time. So to allude to some massive mystery huge illnesses and hospital appointments in the hope you’ll ask for more info and then try and brush it off like it’s not a thing, which is infuriating so I just ignore them when they mention things like “well your mum has that hospital appointment soon” as I can’t be fucked. Tell me or don’t. :ttth:

Anyway this is all moot for me at the moment as I’m not talking to them at all really since they gave us all
Covid, denied it but refused to take a test and then have blanked me ever since, fucking old people :mog:
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Morganna
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Morganna »

I don't tell my children about health stuff, and I have no intention of doing so unless or until they need to know.

What's the point in worrying them when realistically there is nothing they can do? I don't live with them, my appointments don't inconvenience them, and I hate being asked questions about things like that. I don't tell my mum either, as otherwise every conversation is about my thyroid or whatever, and there is nothing she can do either. I had to tell her about my breathing issues during Covid, as she thought I was deliberately avoiding her (I was, but because she was gallivanting all over the place and I was high risk, which she didn't know), and I am utterly fed up with being asked when my next appointment is, what the consultant had to say, is it connected to my thyroid, do I feel any better and so on and on and on, along with cheery 'buck up!' style homilies and tales of her friends who have things even worse. It feels like the breathing thing defines me, and it doesn't.

I'm not saying that anyone on here would be like that with their parents (or that J and S would do it to me - they value their own lives too much :)) ), but I am firmly in the camp of my health is my business, and that doesn't make me any less close to them. If I had something imminently terminal, then of course I would tell them, but I don't understand why anyone has a right to know about anything else.
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Pippedydeadeye
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Pippedydeadeye »

I think being admitted in an emergency is a pretty big deal though.

My dad is being kept in. He has never ever spent a night in a hospital in his life. He also doesn’t own a pair of pyjamas.

FIL has been discharged and seems to have atrial fibrillation.
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Morganna
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Morganna »

An emergency admission might make me feel differently, I suppose. I honestly don't know how I'd feel unless it happened, but I'm inclined to think that it might be something I'd mention after the event, rather than phone them (or get M to do it) when it happened and have them feel that they had to drop everything and visit.

I guess what I'm saying is that people do see these things differently, and also it's possible that your dad doesn't want to be seen as infirm or even 'getting on a bit' by his children, when he's used to being the one that they go to for help? Don't be too hard on him? It's probably not at all that he is deliberately keeping you out, but rather that he doesn't like the idea that you feel you have to fly back and forth to visit him. Honestly, I would hate to think J and S felt that they had to do that, and I'm also the sort of awkward sod who hates having visitors when I'm ill :)).

I hope they both get well soon, though, and that you can stop worrying, as of course that's only natural.
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Zoomer
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Zoomer »

I kind of agree with you, Morgs. Luckily, my Dad is still in robust good health ( :fc: ), but if/when he's not, I figure it's his own business to tell us or not (as long as he's compos mentis). However, hinting like Pov's parents are doing is just infuriating.


My Dad is driving my sister and I a bit nuts with his generalised incompetence. As an example, we're all going over to my sister's house this weekend. Dad is flying from Ireland and A & I from France. I booked Dad's tickets for him, checked him in, and sent his boarding passes to his neighbour, who printed them and handed them in him earlier this week. Last night, I got a panicked phone call from my sister: "Did you only check in for the one flight? Not the return as well?" "No, both. And I sent both boarding passes to [neighbour]." "Well, he says he's only got one sheet of paper." Has he lost the second boarding pass? Did Neighbour print both on one sheet of paper? Who TF knows?! Not my Dad anyway, and we can't ask him, as it'll send him into a panic spiral. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
This man used to be the highly-competent principal of a very rough school, and now it's like sending Paddington Bear on a journey.
(I'm only venting here...I would never even intimate this to anyway but sis in real life.)
Last edited by Zoomer on Thu Jun 23, 2022 8:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Pippedydeadeye
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Pippedydeadeye »

That sounds worrying Zoomer. Hopefully he’s got the outbound boarding pass at least and then you can sort the return later.

My dad has sepsis and his kidneys aren’t functioning properly so they’re putting him on a drip to flush those, but I was also expecting IV antibiotics.
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Chicky
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Chicky »

That’s scary Pip. I hope he’s on the mend very soon.
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Zoomer
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Zoomer »

Oh no, Pip! I hope he's being looked after well. You must be so worried.
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Ella77 »

Sorry about your dad, Pip.
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rosy
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by rosy »

Good luck to your dad, Pip. I'm sorry that your parents are being nasty to each other.

I absolutely understand your POV, and although my parents died when I was quite young I think in your position I would want them to tell me about their medical events (which they didn't). But l'm not consistent because like Morgs, I don't generally tell my children about every appointment or worry; I'll tell them if there's something they need to know like an inpatient stay or if I need actual help. This issue is the only thing about which N and I have ever been at cross-purposes -part of it is a desire to protect the kids and part of it is my need to avoid endless questioning about stuff I don't want to discuss.

I'm even more inconsistent because although N is generally very open about her medical stuff, P (my second son) doesn't share stuff about his cardiology appointments unless I ask him, which means I have to judge whether he's likely to have had a recent appointment and ask upfront. And I wish he would tell me, while respecting his right to keep that private.
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Pippedydeadeye
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Pippedydeadeye »

From what my mum said, he’s really quite scared to be there. He’s also still waiting on the drugs he’s been prescribed & has the cannula in for. I’m going to head straight up there after the school run & take her shopping then take her for first visiting then my sister can pick her up.
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Beatrix
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Beatrix »

I’m sorry, Pip. I’m glad he got sent to the hospital and I hope they get on top of it sharpish.

It took my mum about 7 hours to let us know my dad was in hospital following a heart attack. They weren’t going to call an ambulance because it was probably nothing, but the woman who collected my dad after he collapsed while out cycling firmly suggested they phone - they dithered about whether 999 was necessary or whether 111 would do. A doctor in a paramedic’s car was sent to them immediately, obviously.

My mum has a bad hip, probably she’s ripe for a hip replacement. Will she do anything about it? Nope. She’ll just see how it goes. I know no one relishes an operation but how miserable to live with the pain - and it’s so tedious listening to her complain about it when I know she won’t just bloody sort it out.
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sally maclennane
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by sally maclennane »

Its so worrying Pip, I hope you get some more info tomorrow when you visit.

Its hard, I understand not wanting to worry people, my mum is very much like this, but it's also frustrating when she doesn't tell me stuff. However, I'm a very private person so I get not wanting to tell people stuff.
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Annabella »

I hope your Dad recovers soon Pip
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Pippedydeadeye
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Pippedydeadeye »

They put the IV drip on at 11 last night, when he’d been there for about 10 hours. So hopefully it’s not SEPSIS but just sepsis. The problem is i have a little bit of knowledge and that’s dangerous.

He’s going to hate hospital. His normal functioning hours are 9:30am to 1:00am so busy morning ward bustle will really piss him off.
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Glint
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Re: Flipping parents

Post by Glint »

What a worry, pip!

I hope the drugs have kicked in, and are doing what they need to :fc:
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