Flipping parents

[Cerise]

Yes, it’s good to set up POA before it’s needed.

[Marth]

I think I could be a bit like the twits in that I haven't told my children any thing about any of my health scares. I don't know when I will feel they are old enough , but it's so worrying when you know things are going on and parents act like there's nothin wrong.

About the power of attorney. You can only do this when a person has mental capacity to consent and sign it. They can specify when it can be used, ie from day one, or only when they have lost capacity to act.
It's definitely worth having it set up before a person can't consent

[Rebel Pebble]

Another Yes, Do It, on the POA. And there are two distinct types - one health and one wealth, as it were. It can take a while to get them filed, as well.

About the option where it/they can only be deployed once they have lost capacity: my Mum heard a couple of stories where doctors refused to agree that capacity was lost, or something like that. I can't really remember but as a result she decided to go for the ones that don't require that.

We used the same company that did mine and Mr R R's wills.

MIL hasn't done any of this in the US, however. Mr R manages to deal with most of her finances from a distance, thankfully. He's named on one of her current accounts and can deal with the Family Trust as well.

[Pippedydeadeye]

Maybe I’ll hit Mr & Mrs Twit the idea of a POA over this Christmas family get together we’re trying to organise that has caused so much fucking bother, ill feeling and phone calls that I’m thinking of just moving into a cave anyway.

[Texaco Shirley]

Once the health one is activated responsibility is entirely with the attorney unlike the financial one. You don’t need to get a solicitor to do it m, just download the forms and send it off.

[bramblerose]

So is it worthwhile setting these things up as a precaution when aged parents aren’t yet doddery? I’m sorry this is an issue for so many of you.

I have both the financial and health POA set up with mum. We sat down and talked through what she would want to happen in the future. It's given her peace of mind.

I'm going to get them set up for me and C as well.

[Princess Morripov]

Absolutely do it, Pip. I think my parents did it for me when I was about 18, and me and A did it for each other when we did our wills. You don’t need a solicitor to do it though, the forms are available online and then you just lodge them and it takes usually around 20 weeks for the confirmation to come through. Might be quicker these days though! Last time we did it for A’s parents about 3-4 years ago it took that long.

My mum had it in place luckily, for my Grandma. It would have been a nightmare if they hadn’t done it years before as the degradation from suspecting dementia to diagnosis and needing full time care was incredibly quick.

[Marth]

I did my mum's myself, but we missed a signature from the Health and Wellbeing one so need to start that again.
I need to have those conversations with my kids soon.

[Morganna]

We have POA for one another and if both of us become incapacitated it goes to the children (jointly and severally). We got it for health and finances when we did our wills. We don’t need either yet, and the more usual trajectory would be that one of us will need it for the other before it passes to J and S. I recommend getting a solicitor to do it, as there were a few things that we’d never have considered. I’m struggling to remember what they were now, but as the solicitor had so much experience of situations that can arise she asked a lot if ‘what ifs’ and built them in.

Also, POA can be useful long before someone becomes doddery. If you have, say, a skiing accident and are incapable of getting to a bank or of operating your accounts from abroad to pay medical bills , or if you find yourself in a foreign jail and need money for legal representation (or something far more probable - these were the examples we were given ) it would be useful to have someone who is authorised to move your money around for you.

[rosy]

Thanks in part to this thread and in part to the absolute nightmare we are having with my friend C*, I have downloaded the LPA forms and will fill them in tonight and get N to do her bit asap. I am currently making a list of everything that N might need to know if I became incapacitated!

*She has not made a will, what paperwork there is at her house is in disarray, nobody knows what paperless bank accounts she has, and she's forgotten her phone passcode/email passwords. I know her debit card pin. I have one bank account statement from a couple of months ago, and I can see she's made transfers to/from other accounts. I have a couple of ideas what her phone passcode might be but she asked me to switch it off this morning because the notifications were upsetting her.

[Marth]

That's a good idea. I have a list that is kept with my will. It's got where I bank, passwords, pension stuff as well as a simple statement of wishes upon my death.

Years ago we could look through paperwork but now everything is online it can be impossible to action everything that may need doing.
I had a client whose father kept everything online and then had a stroke and lost capacity. It took well over a year for them to be able to access some info/funds and some accounts etc are lost forever.

[Cerise]

One of the most helpful things Dad did was have his desktop computer remember all the passwords. I can’t tell you how much time it’s saved! And to think that we’d been encouraging him to get a new one!

[Hobbes]

My dad sadly passed away on Saturday, but before that became ill and went downhill very quickly. I really wish we had sorted out POA before now, things are currently very complicated and harder than they need to be at what is a difficult time anyway.

[Lily]

Hobbes, I am so sorry to read this.

I was going to say, do it sooner rather than later, while everyone's in agreement; my friend is going through it with her mum presently and due to her declining mental capability it's getting tricky. My godmother had to set it up for her dad with his bank and it was a complete nightmare, but it should be easy to do online if you have POA.

Pip, I hope your dad is OK and it's nothing serious.

[Marth]

I'm very sorry, Hobbes.

It can be so difficult to sort things out at this time.

[Pippedydeadeye]

I’m really sorry Hobbes.

[Wiggle]

So sorry Hobbes, please look after yourself x

[Duophonic]

I'm so sorry Hobbes x

[Chicky]

So sorry to hear that Hobbes. I hope you are ok xx

My dad had a folder with all his financial stuff and passwords which he went through with me “just in case” about a month before he died. Bless him, he was great with that sort of thing. My mum has told me where she keeps all her passwords and I have PoA for her too.

[Annabella]

Condolensces Hobbes, very sad.