Well, this is awkward. WWYD?

[overthehill]

I've posted in members about mum's cousin, and former accountant, L. He was never the most reliable, but she was fond of him, and he seemed an obvious choice as an Executor. When mum died (June 2021) he was quick to visit and gather up her bank statements and other financial documents. He gave us a helpful overview of her finances and said that he ought to have the inheritance tax return ready to go in by December.

Christmas came and went with no sign of progress. L said he'd had visitors... OK. I chased him several times over the next few months, each time getting some other excuse for why nothing had happened. I was getting exasperated. In the meantime, it seems that L had wheedled his way into my aunt's affections - mum's sister, MA. Before mum's death, they hardly knew each other but, suddenly, L was being invited to birthdays, Sunday lunches, and Easter. At Easter, L and his son had lunch with MA and my sister, S. S is perpetually broke, and looking forward to having her inheritance. I got her to ask L, face to face, what was going on.

S got the same apologetic excuses and a promise to get the paperwork to us to sign, by the end of the next week. Of course, nothing happened.

By this time, I was receiving penalty notices from HMRC concerning mum's unpaid income tax for the previous year. I'd had enough, so I rang the tax office myself. Not only had L, as mum's accountant, not submitted her 2019/20 return, but he had not even applied for an inheritance tax reference number. And, I discovered, the inheritance tax should have been paid within 6 months of mum's death.

Apologies for the TLDR. I'm getting to the point, I promise. Sometimes, it's just therapeutic to put things in writing.

MA was pretty shocked to hear all this but - here's the thing - L passed it all off, saying that he was only doing the work as a favour. This is complete lie. Mum paid him for his professional services (she kept a ledger, so we know exactly how much) and made it clear in her hand-written last wishes (which he saw) that he was to be paid for his services as an Executor.

L has cost the estate a small fortune, both in penalties and solicitor's fees, after I was obliged to engage mum's former solicitor to sort out the mess. In terms of communication, he has ghosted me since about March last year, not even responding to my request to hand over the paperwork he took at the time of mum's death.

The last straw was getting a Christmas card, written by L's wife (who clearly believes that L worked for mum as a favour), saying that L was terribly busy and sorry that he couldn't be more help.

MA died at the beginning of January and we are in the UK, on the way to her funeral tomorrow. L will be there. I have no idea what I'm going to say to him or how I'll feel, seeing him. WWYD?

[Kleio]

What an absolute arsehole OTH.

I’d go for cool politeness or a full blanking and would only say something about it if he did. If his wife mentioned something then I’d probably just say that his version is very different to your version and his disregard of the situation has cost you £xxx then walk away.

It’s not the same but when my Dad fell ill my uncle stopped talking to him. He apparently “doesn’t like to be around illness”. So for 6 years he pretended dad didn’t exist. Christmas and birthday cards stopped. He wouldn’t even drive by the house. Elf was born and his side of the family ignored it. I stayed on talking terms with his adult children but not with him.

His wife came to the funeral and I didn’t speak to her at all. I chatted to her children but made sure I was in a position where I was never facing her. I was afraid if I started speaking I’d start ranting.

[lazzbo]

I would blank him entirely, without a second thought.

[Lily]

I would blank him entirely, or if forced to communicate, I would say how surprised I was to see him there given how terribly busy he has been. And then walk away quickly before there can be a row.

[Cosmopolitan]

Hope he's not the executor for MAs Estate as well.

[overthehill]

Hope he's not the executor for MAs Estate as well.

God, no. MA has appointed a solicitor to handle her affairs.

I've just spoken to my sister. She and L really don't get on. Haven't for years. She remembers having lunch with mum, L, and a friend, where she commented afterwards that she thought L was "shifty". Apparently, the friend said, "he's no more an accountant than I am. He's after whatever he can get out of your mum."

It rang a little alarm bell. Mum told us that L was a qualified accountant, and we've always accepted that. But we've never seen any proof. Why would we?

I just ran a search on both the ICAS and ICAEW websites and L's name doesn't come up. It doesn't mean anything in itself. He could have retired and not kept up his membership, but does anyone know if there's a way of finding out? Is or was L ever a chartered accountant???

[H1ppychick]

I would contact their respective membership services phone numbers and say that he's passing himself off as a member but you have concerns because of the unprofessional way he's addressing the estate, please can they confirm or otherwise? They might say they can't say anything to you, of course.

This sounds well suss, what with him grabbing all the paperwork, refusing to return it and not doing anything. I'd be worried that he's defrauding the estate.

[H1ppychick]

There are other professional bodies that are "qualified accountants" but ICAEW and ICAS are the only ones who can call themselves "chartered". You could also try CIMA and CIPFA.

https://www.cimaglobal.com/uk/
https://www.cipfa.org/

[Cosmopolitan]

To be honest OtH, I'd not bother saying anything directly to him but given that he's stolen money from an elderly lady (he hasn't provided any of the services she hired him to do) and has been defrauding the government by not performing his executor duties that he agreed to do. I think you can be very clear to anyone who asks you about it.

[Cosmopolitan]

Basically he's the one who has made it awkward!

[Lily]

I agree with Cos and am wondering who you'd report him to. Have you got copies of invoices he sent?

[overthehill]

There are other professional bodies that are "qualified accountants" but ICAEW and ICAS are the only ones who can call themselves "chartered". You could also try CIMA and CIPFA.

That's useful to know, Hippy. I'll take a look later.

[Edith Bacon]

Trading Standards might be able to help shine a light on his qualifications, given that he’s failed to provide professional services for which he has been engaged and paid.

I’m sorry you have to deal with all this on top of your losses and the complexity of the situation in the first place. I hope you aren’t finding it too stressful.

As for L at the funeral, I’d just go for icily polite if engagement can’t be avoided.

[Tsu]

Liv is the one to ask.
I'd have to give him my best hairy eyeball at the very least but given a couple of sherbets I'd probably have to say something. I wouldn't want him thinking he'd got away with it.

[overthehill]

The really sad thing is that, like my mum, I was quite fond of L. I wouldn't want to take out any sort of formal proceedings against him but, as Tsu says, I wouldn't like him to think he'd got away with it. What I haven't mentioned is that, a few years ago, mum told me that she'd given L some sort of advance on his fees to help him with a deposit on his house. It was a good few years ago that he moved, and we can't find any record of any significant sum being paid to him. However, if you saw the house - pretty, historic, bank of the Thames - you'd have to wonder. My thinking is that it must have been a significant amount for mum to have thought it worth mentioning. From my conversation with S, this morning, I think mum may have told her too. Unfortunately, though R and I have searched, we can't find a record of when that house last changed ownership or how much it sold for. If we could pin down the year, I could get mum's bank statements. But then maybe I don't really want to know.

[Lily]

Chances are, your mum is not the only person he diddled, and continues to diddle. But yes, you may not want to go over it given everything else you're going through.

[Tsu]

You can get information about the house from the Land Registry online for about a fiver. It will tell you all that information.

https://www.gov.uk/government/organisat ... d-registry

[overthehill]

Well, it wasn't that awkward, after all. L and his wife turned up at the funeral. Before I had even registered who she was (everyone looks kind of similar in a dark coat and hat), his wife flung herself at me for a ridiculously theatrical bear hug. I was kind of taken off guard. Behind her was L, looking sheepish. He muttered something that I didn't hear and pressed an envelope into my hand. My reaction was stoney. So, he backed off and they went and sat somewhere out of the way. As far as I know, they didn't talk to anyone else and skedaddled directly after the service. His poor wife, I really don't have anything against her, but she obviously doesn't know the half of it.

Anyway, on the train home, I opened the letter. It reads like "Mummy told me I had to say sorry." It really doesn't scratch the surface, and I don't think I'm inclined to respond.

apology.jpg

[Kleio]

Urgh, that’s an apology to make him feel better. Not you.

[emma_p]

That handwriting!

I’m glad it wasn’t too awkward for you, oth.