Buns in the oven

[Estrella]

Oh, I missed that too, Rosy. How lovely

[happyhighlandcoo]

Congratulations, rosy! What an amazing photo, so wonderful to be having twin grandsons!

Congratulations too, Lorri. I hope your sons and family are pleased and gracious when you tell them and you get your head round it soon. I think disappointment about sex is much more common than people want to admit and I'm glad people feel more able to talk freely about it now.

[Tits McGee]

Lovely scan photos rosy!

[Tits McGee]

How is everyone doing now? Coo, you must be due soon!

I'm 31 weeks now, and starting to feel a bit uncomfortably round. I've got a growth scan on Wednesday, and an appointment with the consultant which I'm a bit nervous about because it will involve talking about birth stuff and I seem to be a bit in denial about that bit.

[Leap]

It doesn’t feel at all a real thing to me yet either Ditto the newborn stage. I’m not REALLY going to do all that again, am I?

Also 31 weeks and SO uncomfortable. How are you with portion sizes/meals just now? I feel so full all the time and sometimes still defiantly stuff my face, which obviously helps I’ve made a conscious effort this week to really think about what I’m eating so I don’t feel like a big stupid balloon by bedtime.

I had a growth scan at 30 weeks and she was just above the average line, and everything else also good thankfully, so we’re scheduled for one more in July without any concerns. For me the plan has been c-section for a while, so we confirmed that and I signed the consent forms and got put in for a date sometime between 39 and 40 weeks which is still to be confirmed. The only change to that might be if I go into labour before then and I might make a different decision at that point, but for now this is the plan.

I also decided to take all my holidays and finish super early for mat leave last week, which I have now totally made my peace with. For one thing, I’ve napped for 1-2 hours every morning since I finished, and generally just feel so relieved that part is done with for now and I can focus on all the home stuff I need and want to do before she’s here.

What’s your plan, and also how’s your daughter finding things now as due date gets closer?

And yes good point about coo, hope all is going/has gone well!

[Kenickie]

31 weeks is very exciting, the end us beginning to be in sight.

I think it's definitely sensible to have as much rest as you can. Is Hop still going to nursery so you can have a proper break at times?

Hope the scan and consultant go well, Tits.

[Leap]

Yes thankfully we still have 3.5 days of childcare between the grandparents and nursery, so a good balance of time to rest and then time with her to really enjoy and have a bit of energy for.

I’m so knocked off my feet this time though, it’s totally different to last time when I was still commuting into town 3 days a week and pretty much fine working 5 days and finishing up at 36 weeks. I do also feel quite definite that this is my last pregnancy! That’s the other thing I asked about with the consultant - they’ve made a note that I’ve requested tube tying during the section which they are fine to do, but I’ll make the final decision as we get closer. And for us it’s not technically “final” in a way, as if everything goes normally then we could still transfer one of our embryos at a later date if we wanted to try again without this impacting it at all apparently.

C and I are still in talks ;) about my tubes vs vasectomy though. It’s all a strange set of conversations for 2 people who can’t actually conceive by ourselves when we want to But this is probably for another thread.

[Princess Morripov]

FWIW we had a very similar situation in terms of family planning considerations to make and A took the hit. Well, tbh, there wasn't really a discussion of tubes/vasectomy as I felt it was the least he could do given that I'd had two pregnancies and births to recover from I've actually found it harder in respect of the leftover embryos, and just keep paying the storage each year as putting them in the bin seems so final even though we ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want anymore babies

I don't know much about tube tying but would it make recovery from C-Section harder/more painful?

[Suzi.Q]

I actually had tube tying recommended to me during IVF as one of my tubes developed a hydrosalphinx during IVF and the fluid can be toxic to the embryo, so it would have possibly given me a better chance of success, so it wouldn’t affect any further embryo transfers if you wanted to consider them.

We finally stopped paying storage on our last embryo a couple of years ago. It was hard but the right thing to do. We donated it to research.

[lorri_b]

31 weeks, how exciting Tits and Leap.

I think it is so much more tiring in pregnancy when you have other children. This time particularly has been really hard going.

Hope you're okay, Coo.

[Leap]

Well, tbh, there wasn't really a discussion of tubes/vasectomy as I felt it was the least he could do given that I'd had two pregnancies and births to recover from

This is definitely exactly how I feel, especially considering all the treatment to get us there! It’s how we both feel really, and if I was expecting/planning a natural birth the decision would probably already have been made for vasectomy. The main thing throwing us is that we have a very specific “while you’re down there…” issue where we know they can do it during my surgery, and to your point the consultant has said it shouldn’t impact my recovery in any way, the only issue is that doing during section does slightly increase the odds of it failing for some reason, but not in any meaningful way. So, given that it’s not anything extra for me but would be for C, there’s something that feels a bit off about me pushing for him to do it.

However. Now that it’s in my paperwork, we did have a good chat about it afterwards, and we’ve agreed that he’ll pursue the whole vasectomy side at least as far as I have, so we can make an informed decision together. And I did bring myself to say that it does sit a little bit fairer in my mind that he would be the one to do this for us, given everything my body has been through already. I really struggle with this feeling like I’m playing tit for tat, but I don’t want to discount my feelings either.

I also agree with both of you on storage, it’s not an easy decision at all and one I’m happy to put off for a while. I did read into donating them (to be used) but that’s totally beyond me no matter which way I look at it. Research is definitely the way I would/will go when it comes to it as I was reassured by what I read, but it’s a decision for another year, probably a few storage bills down the line.

[Suzi.Q]

We were too old to donate our embryo to someone to use, and I don’t think I could have done that anyway.

[Tits McGee]

What’s your plan, and also how’s your daughter finding things now as due date gets closer?

I’m thinking myself round in circles about whether to ask for an elective section. To be honest, the idea of it gives me the absolute heebies because I’ve never had an operation before, but I’m so worried about another vaginal birth making my prolapse worse that I’m thinking it might be a better option for me. I’ve spoken to a lovely physio, who obviously couldn’t advise me one way or the other, but she definitely seemed pro section. She asked who my consultant was, and told me that he’s really nice, but that I’ll have to go in and really advocate for what I want. The problem is I don’t know what I want (other than foetal teleportation to be invented between now and the end of August. ) I’m also scared that I have such psychological trouble with the idea of pushing that I’d get to that part of the birth, make a total mess of things and end up with forceps or an emergency section, which I really don’t like the idea of.

L’s so excited. She’s also been really sweet when I’ve been feeling rotten - the other day I had to keep stopping to catch my breath on the way to school and she kept telling me “you can do it Mummy, you just have to believe in yourself!”

Is Hop excited, or is she still a bit too little to take it in?

[Kenickie]

Awww, I think you need to record her and play it during your birth. ;)

I think it's a very individual decision, but I opted for a planned section because it was very likely I'd end up with an emergency one if I attempted a vaginal birth and I didn't want that and a planned section made me feel a lot more in control about everything as it took away a lot of unknowns. Obviously I ended up with an emergency one anyway ;) but it was still a great choice for me - I was a bit terrified of the spinal injection but that bit was absolutely fine as it literally takes seconds and everyone is great at distracting you. I'd never had an operation either, but it was fine because the baby comes out really quickly and once they're out, you can just cuddle them which makes it all feel a lot better. Plus you can have music which is also really helpful. Recovery is an issue, but I guess it might be less tricky with L being a bit older as she'll be able to understand that you can't pick her up, but she can come up on the sofa next to you for a cuddle etc.

If you don't know what you want I think it's totally fair to say that and just ask to be given the facts/ stats for each option.

If we have another one I'd want a section and I'd opt for having my tubes tied as I feel like they may as well as they're there anyway. If we definitely didn't want anymore I'd also want P to have a vasectomy though as neither option is 100% AFAIK so I'd want belt and braces.

[lorri_b]

The problem is I don’t know what I want (other than foetal teleportation to be invented between now and the end of August. ) I’m also scared that I have such psychological trouble with the idea of pushing that I’d get to that part of the birth, make a total mess of things and end up with forceps or an emergency section, which I really don’t like the idea of.

Did you find your first labour quite difficult with a long pushing stage? Just wondered if that is where your troubles about pushing are stemming from?

[Tits McGee]

Thanks Ken, that’s really helpful. My sister said that her husband did a great job of distracting her during her section by planning all the takeaways they were going to have after she came home from hospital.

Awww, I think you need to record her and play it during your birth. ;)

[Tits McGee]

The problem is I don’t know what I want (other than foetal teleportation to be invented between now and the end of August. ) I’m also scared that I have such psychological trouble with the idea of pushing that I’d get to that part of the birth, make a total mess of things and end up with forceps or an emergency section, which I really don’t like the idea of.

Did you find your first labour quite difficult with a long pushing stage? Just wondered if that is where your troubles about pushing are stemming from?

Yes, I was pushing for hours (at least 3, maybe more) with L and I have wondered if that’s partly what caused my prolapse. I’ve also spent the last 8 years avoiding putting any pressure on my pelvic floor (no running, jumping or lifting anything heavy, bracing when I cough or sneeze, taking a daily laxative to avoid any straining ) and it’s just become really deeply ingrained. I had an examination recently because I was feeling a lot of pressure and was worried the prolapse was worse, and the doctor asked me to push as if I was pushing a baby out and I ended up bursting into tears after a few attempts.

[lorri_b]

Yes, I was pushing for hours (at least 3, maybe more) with L and I have wondered if that’s partly what caused my prolapse. I’ve also spent the last 8 years avoiding putting any pressure on my pelvic floor (no running, jumping or lifting anything heavy, bracing when I cough or sneeze, taking a daily laxative to avoid any straining ) and it’s just become really deeply ingrained. I had an examination recently because I was feeling a lot of pressure and was worried the prolapse was worse, and the doctor asked me to push as if I was pushing a baby out and I ended up bursting into tears after a few attempts.

Aww I'm sorry, that sounds really difficult. I can see why the prolapse has turned into such a source of anxiety for you. I definitely think you should do what feels right for you. AIMs are so helpful with pointing in the right direction of research and could probably help you understand the risks of a vaginal birth with a prolapse.

If it helps at all, my second labour I felt much more in control after my first was very traumatic (for me) to the point I didn't want any more children. I became really scared of labour with number 2. But it was a very healing experience for me - I didn't even nerd to push, he appeared after 2 involuntary pushes. So I guess my point is the way your first labour went could be very different from the next.

[Tits McGee]

Thanks lorri, that is helpful and I’m glad you had the experience you did with your second labour. I’ve had a quick look at the AIMs website too, and will have a proper read later.

How are you doing these days?

[Leap]

Foetal teleportation has really tickled me YES. I can work to end of August timescale too for that :generous:

I had such a block about section last time as it felt somehow like a cheat when I still had a choice about it (failed induction, then the option to try another 3 day induction saga vs taking available section slot). But my midwife put me right in my place about that, she was brilliant. I knew up to 3 more days of pessaries in the hospital would be traumatic for me, plus worrying about C using up even more paternity leave, still not knowing if it would fail again and end up in section anyway etc etc. Some of those were real worries to me, some were “just” practical ones but she made me see they all mattered if they mattered to me. So I’ve applied the same logic this time and do feel happy with my decision. I was lucky (or just textbook?) that my recovery was very straightforward, and of course it’ll be a bit more complicated this time as Hop is going through a very mummy-mummy-mummy phase, in particular a sudden insistence that “Mummy CARRY Piper!” which obviously isn’t ideal, but I still think it’s what’ll work best for us.

That also isn’t trying to sway you! Just how I came to my decision And doesn’t L sound fantastic We could all use that sort of cheerleading in our lives!

Hop is definitely quite clueless, but she now understands there’s a baby in mummy’s tummy, and will point it out/prod it for a reaction so we’re building on that in small ways. We’re also mixing up our roles in her routine now, so that by the time I’m in the hospital there won’t be any exclusively mummy jobs that she suddenly has to adjust to daddy doing etc.

I’ve taken hardly any bump pictures this time as I just feel humongous in general, but this one is a favourite