Buns in the oven

[Rhodonite]

Hopefully she'll get you booked in sooner or if not, maybe your mw can see you at 16 weeks instead.

I've just realised that I'm in the second trimester now. 14 weeks tomorrow. Feels a bit weird when I thought I was only 13 on Monday and I've jumped a week in 2 days!

[Kenickie]

Bring on the second trimester energy then!

[Rhodonite]

Oh god I hope so. Though I remember feeling pretty miserable all the time, first time round.

[Kenickie]

Fingers crossed it'll be easier this time round.

My friend told her daughter (4) then she got home, and daughter said 'when Ken has them, can we look after them?'.

[Leap]

Built in babysitter Maybe just give her a year or two more ;)

I forgot to say, my heart echo appointment finally came in. I was referred around 8 weeks, the appointment is at 37 weeks I’m still going to go, I’d rather have it checked than not but I’m clearly on my own in the interim.

I’ve also officially hit a point where normal portion sizes are a mistake I just feel so huge, stretched and uncomfortable about half an hour afterwards and then for hours and hours, so I’m having to think ahead which has yet to prove entirely successful. Also C is going away this weekend and is so (justifiably) worried I’m going to be too lazy to make proper meals, he’s going to prepare a vat of chilli and has organised a few other easy meals for me to sort for myself I would lose my mind if one of my female friends did this for their husbands, but I’m 100% not stopping him in my case

[Kenickie]

A 29 week wait?! That's awful. Definitely still go though.

It's not at all like a wife doing something for a lazy man, so I think it sounds totally fair enough and very sweet of him. I really hate the small, regular eating too, as I've always been a fan of three big meals and no snacks so it's a weird adjustment. How long have you got to go now? Are you third trimester?

I've also discovered that someone I went to school with had twins a couple of years ago, as her fifth and six kids. :eek:

[Rhodonite]

That's such a long wait! But yes, I'd still go too.

That's really nice of him. Mr R will be filling me full of fruit smoothies, the second I say I'm feeling better! He's so worried about my crap eating at the moment!

I think there's really only a few short weeks in pregnancy where you feel not bad. I'm so envious of women who enjoy it all.

Gosh, twins for number 5 and 6! One of my sister's friends found out she was having twins recently (can't remember how many she already has), and had to be taken into a side room to calm down as she was crying so much!

[Leap]

Oh the poor thing, I guess it can be such a shock in the moment you just have to go with the reaction while you try to process it! We would’ve LOVED twins, but I know it’s all very situation dependent. My brother just told me at the weekend that a colleague of his had two girls already, and he and his wife discussed long and hard about whether they could cope with/afford a third, and basically only went for it with the hope of having a boy ( ). And they had...triplet girls.

I’m just about Ken, at least I’m 28 weeks on Friday. I get my anti-D injection on Monday and then my care apparently switches from my current midwife to the hospital and hopefully I’ll get booked in for the first growth scan. Thursday also marks 9 weeks left of work

[Kenickie]

Oh bless her Rhod.

Your brother's colleague, Leap! Getting into the final stretch must feel brilliant. As might nine weeks left in work, although it probably feels a bit odd, too.

[Rhodonite]

Wow, 9 weeks left! It'll come round so quickly.

I'm rhesus negative too, so I'll be due another anti-D injection. I'm not looking forward to it!

[Kenickie]

Can I have a moan? I'll preface it by saying that I totally appreciate that loads of pregnant women have it much worse, that I'm lucky to have been able to get pregnant at all etc. I had a bad day yesterday and I just feel totally miserable again today and can't stop crying. I was hanging on to the end of the first trimester as a turning point but I'm 13 weeks tomorrow and feel no different to a few weeks ago, in fact worse as I'm less hopeful. I just feel like everything I've taken pleasure from before has been taken away (exercise, food, drink, going out and doing stuff, seeing friends and family, work etc). I've been signed off, but my job isn't the type of thing that can just be stopped or taken over by someone else so I've got lots of research commitments (eg a journal article and a book) that I'm totally behind on that will have repercussions for the future in terms of my reputation etc. I thought I'd have the months before giving birth to get things done so that my career wouldn't be totally fucked by maternity leave but that's not happening. And yes, I really wanted a child but now I can't even look completely forward to six months' time when that happens as I have no idea how I'm going to cope with two tiny babies at once, plus the doubling of childcare costs means it's going to be really hard for me to go back to work ever. I just feel like all I'm doing at the moment is existing, waiting for things to get slightly better so I can have some kind of enjoyment back, and there's no real end in sight. And I'm at a stage where loads of things could still go wrong so it might all be for nothing anyway. I dithered for years about whether this was a good idea and finally got to a stage where I was sure it was and now I feel like an idiot who's ruined everything, mostly because I'm just too weak to cope with stuff that everyone else just takes in their stride.

Sorry, I know that's totally pathetic and self indulgent but it feels slightly better to get it out. I know there's nothing anyone else can do and I just have to get on with it and pull myself together so no need for anyone to respond.

[Hamm]

Oh, Ken. That’s a lot of stuff to be struggling through and worrying about.

Obviously I have no answers and there’s not much to be done about work, if you aren’t well then you aren’t.
But the serious wtf have we done? hit me both times, the hormones are huge, you don’t feel well, you’ve know idea how you’ll manage etc. I looked into putting one of mine up for adoption and I considered ending T’s pregnancy. I felt ungrateful, angry and hopeless and I couldn’t tell anyone. So based on that I wonder if it’s a normal part of pregnancy for a lot of women at this stage, it’s just we can’t say. I imagine situational depression is rife.

It will get better.xx

[Scooter]

Twin pregnancies are terrifying. I think a fear of the unknown in a singleton pregnancy is bad enough, but there are so few people who’ve experienced multiples it’s difficult to get a feeling of ‘I can do this’ particularly when coupled with the looks or horror when you tell people you’re expecting twins.

My pregnancy was relatively straight forward, all things considered and I’m still here, 7 years on. It’s hard but not impossible. What you don’t hear about twins is the easiness of having an instant family and both kids need the same things at the same time. There’s relief when they both nap that mothers with toddlers and newborns don’t get. When bottles/breastfeeding is done, that’s it. When weaning is done, that’s it. Toilet training is only done once then nappies are done with. I wanted 2 kids and got it done with at once. All of those hard things are finished all at once.

And now my monsters are best friends. The good times far outweigh the bad and if I could go back and choose 2 singletons or twins, id choose twins every single time. It’s awesome fun. You can do this. And you will love it.

Don’t feel like you have to be positive all the time: this shit’s hard. But you will get through it.

[purple_dress]

Sorry, ken I agree that the wtf have we done is normal.

Hopefully you will feel a lot better soon. I friend of mine had really awful sickness and it did pass but for her it was more like 16 weeks. I had constant headaches for weeks with S and it is so wearing feeling constantly awful but it will pass.

Try not to worry about logistics of when the babies arrive. You will work it out. You will have plenty of time to figure all that out. Be kind to yourself.

[Scooter]

Oh and 15 weeks was a turning point for me for puking purposes.

Get a decent chair to sit in. I had an Ikea Poang because from about 18 weeks the only place I was comfy was in bed. I bought that chair about 24 weeks in and wish I’d done it sooner. Don’t buy a nursing chair though because they’re unusable for feeding twins and a complete rip off if you can’t use it in the nursery

[ParisGal]

I can't help in any way, but speaking as someone who really wants to get pregnant, I am still completely sympathetic to how hard your pregnancy is being on you, and don't feel in the slightest that you should be all Pollyanna counting your blessing while having to miss work and giving up everything enjoyable.

I hope you feel better soon

[Zoomer]

I felt ungrateful, angry and hopeless and I couldn’t tell anyone. So based on that I wonder if it’s a normal part of pregnancy for a lot of women at this stage, it’s just we can’t say. I imagine situational depression is rife.

Yeah, I felt like that too at times. Even though I'd had IVF and desperately wanted to be pregnant, etc. It's such a massive, scary, change that I think it's normal to worry about having fucked your life up irrevocably. Especially when you've yet to experience any of the good bits, and you just feel like a massive incubator instead of a normal person.

Have a hug, Ken. It's shit at the moment, but it will get better at some stage, even though I know you can't see how at the moment.

[Skips]

I'm sorry, Ken, that it's being so shit for you. I know from friends that that what have we done, our life is over seems to be completely normal. I hope things improve for you soon.

[Rhodonite]

Oh Ken, I really feel for you. You are allowed to hate it. I say that for myself as well as you. I absolutely hated being pregnant last time and I'm hating it this time. This second, has been 2 years and 3 losses later, so is very much wanted but it still doesn't mean I'm enjoying any of it. I honestly don't think I can do it again.

I think all your fears are perfectly normal. I have them just adding a 2nd! Some days when J is acting up, I'm thinking, we can't even cope with him, how will we manage with 2! I know it'll be hard, but it will be ok. Pregnancy hormones are funny things, and I think Hamm is right when she says a lot of those thoughts are perfectly normal, but no one wants to talk about them.

Three of my group of mum friends have twins, and they're all still here to tell the tale. You will cope. You will have some hard days, but you will get through it.

[Hamm]

Shit, yeah. A poang with a footstool. It was brilliant and I sold it on to a pg woman who already had one but wanted a second for night feeding.

Have you called Tamba? They used to do a counselling service and I’m sure they absolutely understand the whole buyer’s remorse that’s heightened with the feeling of bait and switch twins bring. The whole world is excited for you when you are at the how the fuck am I even going to get to the supermarket, never mind out the door for work stage.

Anecdotally, a Friend (in your line of work) and her Husband had twins when their eldest was 2 and they are the most disorganised, last minute people I’ve ever met but they’ve managed it. P is not useless, he’s not the kind of man who thinks your career doesn’t matter and from what I can tell of families I know that seems to be the key.