The Mock Turtle

"Look Mummy, I've drawn the lines round your eyes and everything!"

L was pointing out the lines on my forehead earlier.

The other day she told me she wanted to look just like me when she grows up. “But only because otherwise I’d have to look like daddy, and he’s got a beard.”

She’s been coming out with some absolute crackers recently.

“Mummy, I’ve decided that I actually would like a fuzzy vulva when I’m a grown-up. It’d be like a little sleeping bag for my ‘gina.”

And one that made me realise we need to get her a more detailed book on the facts of life. “Mummy, when daddy kissed you on your wedding day is that how the sperms got in your mouth?”

Tits McGee wrote: ↑Sat Sep 21, 2019 12:55 pm “Mummy, I’ve decided that I actually would like a fuzzy vulva when I’m a grown-up. It’d be like a little sleeping bag for my ‘gina.”

L is excellent.

Loralei wrote: ↑Sat Sep 21, 2019 12:17 pm "Look Mummy, I've drawn the lines round your eyes and everything!"

Ouch!

L! How did you answer her?

olive's racist little twats have made me laugh a lot.

I laugh about that one from your boys often, olive. And the 'no offense, I know you're married to him' one

On Friday when I was getting ready for work:
S: if you wear that tshirt, people will be scared mummy
Me: it's got flowers on it. Flowers aren't scary
S: they are if they are talking flowers!

olive wrote: ↑Sat Sep 21, 2019 5:24 pm L! How did you answer her?

Awkwardly. I told her it happened when the mummy and daddy are lying in bed and their bodies kind of fit together and she didn't ask any more. I was all for getting her a copy of Mummy Laid an Egg when she first asked, but M was a bit at some of the illustrations.

Tits!

“I’ve torn bits of it to make it old. Like the eighties.”

I have said the 80’s is not old, so he changed it to 2000BC. I’ve said that is old.

"Mummy, were you alive before the word woman was invented?"

Oh God, she just spotted me having a sneaky check of a dating app, clocked the guy and said "he is NOT marriage material!" I told her he was just someone from work.

Joe, spotting Mr D and I giving each other a kiss: "Ooooh, are you going to go and do what you've done 3 times before and make baby number 4? We'd really like a sister!"

L was staring into space this morning so I put my hand on his shoulder and reminded him we needed to get ready and he said:

“I was thinking about my friends. And now you broke it. Now you broke my friends memories. “

E tells me I have a “smooth face”, therefore I’m young like her. But grandma has a bumpy face, until she does this face I’ll take that.

She keeps asking me for “Baby don’t whinge” shampoo in the shower.

Sproglette told me the other day that I was an inspiration because I stand up for myself*.

I am only posting this though because I can now balance it out with a Paddington stare and a terse STOP IT from Elvis when I (very low key, honest, nobody would have even noticed!) pretended to be a unicorn in the club. I can always rely on her to keep it real.

*Which was all very nice until I realised I’d prefer it to be *and others*, so something to work on.

Sproglette needed a toilet break on the way back from Manchester last weekend and because her sister was asleep, the two of us sneaked out of the car and into the services.

Walking alongside me, she said “oh, it’s been so long since it was just you and me” and gave me a squeeze, and I felt very bad that she was so joyous that the two of us were GOING TO THE TOILET.

Bless her.

Berty forgot the word for 'Daddy' last week and after a few minutes' struggle came up with "Not-Mummy", so that is how P is now known

Has she seen that old dinosaurs programme where the baby shouts NOT THE MAMA! a lot? It might amuse.

A told me very seriously last night that when she grows up she wants to be a Mammy, but not a Daddy because she doesn't want to have a beard. And then she cried because she really really doesn't want to become a Daddy, depite me just assuring her that she would not. :woteva: :thejoyoftoddlers:

She also told me earlier that I'd done a peepee in my pants and refused to believe me that it was just sweat (I was just back from a run).

My nephew (7) has been learning about evolution.

Mummy were the olden days when you were little before the dinosaurs?

You know how humans were like apes once and then changed to people? Well, why can’t I remember being a monkey?

So who were the people who used to be apes then? Were you one?

Morgs I love how confused kids get by this. It is part of our family lore now that my brother once said quite casually to our dad: “Remember when you were a baby and I was your Daddy?”