The Mock Turtle

Elvis as we were walking along yesterday in single file on a footpath through a field: So I know a way to say the C word that spells it out.
Me: Oh yeah?
Elvis: See You Next Tuesday
Me (looking back to P in shock): Oh, and who taught you that?
Elvis: Grandma.

I made P ring his mum and explain that any reference to the 'C word' by my children relates to crap and that our children don't know the one she was thinking and taught them how to spell out.

Also, Sproglette now feels bad for saying 'See you next Tuesday' every week to her flute tutor. We've explained that her tutor is unlikely to think she's swearing at her.

I sent J up to do his homework when he got back from school (we're currently keeping an eye as he's had a few detentions for not bothering). He told me he'd done it in school so I asked to see it, and he brought me yesterday's homework - which I had checked yesterday - with the date scribbled out and changed to today's date. I don't know whether to be more pissed off that he tried that on, or that he thought I was stupid enough not to notice

Oh J! I’m not even sure I can say “nice try” as that’s a bit of a poor effort really

My daughter has a friend round and I just heard C telling her friend (very convincingly!) that I’d told her I’d seen their head teacher drunk in the pub next door and she was dancing on the table . I hope that doesn’t go round school and get traced back to me .

Squirrel wrote: ↑Fri Jun 25, 2021 7:19 pm Oh J! I’m not even sure I can say “nice try” as that’s a bit of a poor effort really

I know! He can't even put effort into his effort-avoidance tactics!

Oh no! Did you actually see the head doing Coyote Ugly, or has C got a vivid imagination?

No She doesn’t live near here and twerking in the local right by the school would be very out of character. I don’t even know where C has picked up the idea of being drunk and dancing on tables from!

Of course you don't ;)

Oh god

Lora
Thats brilliant Squizz. Where do they imagine these things?

A couple of weeks ago we were at my sisters. The kids were playing with water I the garden so the lawn got wet. My dad was chasing them around, slipped, and ended up on his bum with a twisted sore knee. Everyone was fussing around him a bit checking he was OK and My nephew N suddenly announced 'I hope you're ok papa, I fell over the other day but my skin didn't even come off!' Which I found hilarious.

Lora

Was your nephew pleased or sad that his skin didn’t even come off, Smal? It could go either way at that age.

After our weekend camping I must inform you that sporks are no more. You will now need forkoons.

I’ve got two from the last 24 hours.

Playing a word association game with Elf ended in him shouting Vagina. He won. I laughed for five minutes solid.

The last night at the pub SLMT happened and I caught up with Betty in the toilets. She saw what I had in my hand and said the TikTok thing of “oh no, oh no, oh no no no no”. Followed by “bummer. Code Red. I’ll warn the boys it’s Shark Week” then left! That’s not a term I’ve used around her.

Kleio wrote: ↑Thu Jul 15, 2021 10:27 pm I’ve got two from the last 24 hours.

Playing a word association game with Elf ended in him shouting Vagina. He won. I laughed for five minutes solid.

The last night at the pub SLMT happened and I caught up with Betty in the toilets. She saw what I had in my hand and said the TikTok thing of “oh no, oh no, oh no no no no”. Followed by “bummer. Code Red. I’ll warn the boys it’s Shark Week” then left! That’s not a term I’ve used around her.

That's priceless!!

Charming Not sure if the threat, invoking a dead pet, or the grammar is the greater crime, tbh.

That’s horrible, Lora.

It kind of made me laugh, remembering how vile siblings can be

I know! Betty has no mode between absolutely awful and completely delightful. I found it during a clear out and don't think TD ever actually saw it, or I'm sure I'd have heard about it before now.

Remind me not to mess with B!

Disco wrote: ↑Thu Aug 05, 2021 6:12 pm Remind me not to mess with B!

Me too!

BM wrote a note to the tooth fairy the other night threatening to take her to court if she didn't increase the payment per tooth.

She left space for a reply, and the tooth fairy scrawled SEE YOU IN COURT SUCKA! BRUSH YOUR TEETH TWICE A DAY XX

That’s brilliant Viggy!

Nice going, tooth fairy!