Secondary Considerations

[smalex]

Kids in Year 6 at W's school went to about 10-12 different secondary schools last year (there was about 40 kids in the year). It makes me feel a bit panicky just thinking about trying to weigh up that many (its a while off for us, obviously!).

[Texaco Shirley]

There are at most 3 for us to really consider and one of those would be a real pain to get to. We've applied just to the one his primary is an official feeder school for and are crossing fingers.

[Luce]

How come you're applying now, Is?

F will have two to choose from. Not that he's allowed to choose, poor sod. But 90% of his class will go to one high school whilst he will be in the 10% going to the other. It's years off and he knows it's happening. But poor lad.

[Ismee]

We're not applying now, just decided to have a look at what is available.

[Luce]

Ah ok, I thought I'd got my dates wrong, thank you for indulging me!

[Ruby]

So. Every time I put the SAM to bed on a weeknight, we have tears about how he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. I have been listening to him talking about it but it is very frustrating. It's like he's just decided he doesn't like school and nothing will change his mind - he is just talking himself into hating it. We have ridiculous circular discussions about it which, to be honest, are starting to feel like a bedtime procrastination activity.

I am trying to walk the line between acknowledging his concerns and reinforcing them with too much attention. The real pisser is that he doesn't cry on Partner so there is definitely something going on - I am definitely the weakest link when it comes to being firm but also Partner can also be too rigid/cold about it.

I think I'm going to make a rule that there is to be no talking about school at bedtime - if he has something he wants to talk about then he can do it before then. I've also told him that I want him to come up with three good things and one bad thing about school every day and that he needs to tell me about it when I get in from work. Any other ideas?

[viggy]

In terms of the timing, bedtime is when loads of people (of all ages) start ruminating over problems - do you think getting him listening to a bedtime meditation might help?

I agree shifting the timing of the conversation is important, have you had luck with that this week?

[Ruby]

In terms of the timing, bedtime is when loads of people (of all ages) start ruminating over problems - do you think getting him listening to a bedtime meditation might help?

On the night I typed that, in frustration, I had marched out of his bedroom shouting LISTEN TO YOUR MINDFULNESS MEDITATION.

I have managed to shift the timing of the conversation and it has made a BIG difference. I told him if he managed to think of three positive things about school each day then I would take him out and treat him at the weekend. It's worked quite well, even if one of his positive things is usually his lunch. I've also said that conversations about school are not appropriate for bedtime and I am happy to listen at another time.

I don't think we've nailed it yet, but it does seem to be improving. He has met a group of geeky boys who talk about Lord of the Rings at lunchtime.

[viggy]

We all need shouted at to meditate sometimes

Group of geeky boys sounds promising! I really do feel for him, I hated the start of first year so much I stopped eating, it took me a good couple of years to properly find decent friends. Does he have separate, out of school stuff he enjoys?

[Ruby]

Yes, he has Scouts, which he loves. His friendships in & out school are solid and he's well-liked but he's a bit of a lone wolf. He *is* going round to the girl-next-door's house tomorrow to play Wii Switch too, which is an interesting development. She's so cool (although probs not if you are an actual 12 year old girl, but I love her because she wears galaxy print leggings with tutus and Lumpy Space Princess Doc Martins) but the SAM has already glowered at me and said that "You CAN just have friends of the opposite sex, Mother". I hadn't said a bloody word!

[Jet]

She sounds ace.

S always does the depressing woe is me school talk at bedtime too.

[Texaco Shirley]

Gah, I have confidential info on secondary admissions and I can’t say anything and it’s killing me! (It’s too late to actually be of any use to anyone anyway.)

[Edith Bacon]

The IWLTS thread is your friend, Tex.

[Texaco Shirley]

I considered it but I’m not sure it’s interesting enough so I went for a slightly more obscure thread.

[Cerise]

Does it work in your favour?

[Texaco Shirley]

It doesn’t really affect me but I now know some people haven’t got in to their preferred school possibly due to complacency.

[Texaco Shirley]

Secondary places get announced here tomorrow. There may well be huge outrage across FB if there is no change to what I’ve heard.

[Loralei]

It will probably be the same for my nephew. My sister is planning to repeatedly appeal if he doesn't get into her preferred school; I haven't told pointed out that you need grounds to appeal and it's not just about who has the pushiest parent .

Good luck for L.

[Texaco Shirley]

Thank you, and to your nephew.

[Smunder Woman]

Good luck.

We got Jack's a few weeks ago. It wasn't our first choice, but is an excellent school with ASD provision so I'm fine. He's excited, of course, because I was all worked up about how to break it to him