Tiny Turtle Hatchlings

[lorri_b]

I'm really not sure, we've not had much information as our consultant appointment became a phone call due to us isolating. I know it is likely fine, so I'm trying not to overthink it.

Yeah my partner is always forgetting to wipe it during a nappy change!

[Rhodonite]

Oh Conchie has a sacral dimple too, but I had no idea it had a name until now! Nobody ever commented on it, but I guess they might have if it looked like it was causing issues.

He was sitting unaided around 7 months, which was about the same age as J who doesn't have one. But was standing and walking before J did.

[lorri_b]

I had never heard of them before either! His was picked up in hospital after birth. Good to hear more stories of them having had no impact.

[purple_dress]

I freaked out about S's sacral dimple but it was fine. It's quite large - like pea sized but not that deep. The doctor wasn't concerned and I've later realised that I have one as well. I didn't realise they were so common.

[Sky]

I'm really not sure, we've not had much information as our consultant appointment became a phone call due to us isolating. I know it is likely fine, so I'm trying not to overthink it.

Yeah my partner is always forgetting to wipe it during a nappy change!

I've no idea why I'm in this thread but I'm glad I clicked because she is just gorgeous!! Please feel free to drop me a PM re the dimple stuff if you've any questions or whatever - my two paed neurosurgeons specialise in this and very often it's nothing to be worried about. Loads of my patients are seen once for reassurance and then discharged.

[emma_p]

George had one too which I had checked out at UCH and they were very reassuring. It wasn’t all all noticeable after he started walking and his bum changed shape.

[lorri_b]

Please feel free to drop me a PM re the dimple stuff if you've any questions or whatever - my two paed neurosurgeons specialise in this and very often it's nothing to be worried about. Loads of my patients are seen once for reassurance and then discharged.

Thank you Sky, that's really kind of you.

I had no idea it was so common. I've never heard of anyone with one IRL.

[Kenickie]

This isn't really relevant to this thread but I don't know where else to put it so will blurt here.

A friend of mine, not a particularly close one, had her second child, a girl, shortly after I had Topsy and Tim (actually on their original due date) so I've always felt a bit of a connection because of that. She's just put a photo up on Facebook of her, her son, her daughter and her newborn, born yesterday. I don't know why but it's really got to me - I think partly because of the surprise as she kept her pregnancy secret (which obviously she's totally entitled to do), partly because she now has the third child that I want, and partly because it's kind of felt like we've been at the same stage because of the closeness in age of her daughter to Topsy and Tim, but now we're very much not.

I wish I could just be pleased and happy for her and hate feeling jealous like this. I'm still struggling with how I feel about my sister's pregnancy (again, third child, with a second child who's not much older than Topsy and Tim so it's a smaller gap than would be possible for me). I spoke to P about it the other day and he's still a definite no so I probably need to just put it out of my mind.

I feel bad even saying this as I know I should feel lucky and grateful that I have two wonderful children as not everyone gets to have even that, but I'm just finding it a bit tough when it seems lots of people who had babies at a similar time as me are pregnant again (even someone in a twin group whose children are about a day or two younger than mine!).

I feel that I should also say that I don't feel anything but goodwill for currently pregnant turtles and definitely don't begrudge your babies! I think it's more the third child/closeness with my sister and the unexpectedness with this friend.

[viggy]

I hope even just typing that out helped a bit. IME what you're feeling is really normal, even for folk who don't want another! My best friend had her second when I was super broody for another and my marriage was breaking down and it was hard, but it does get easier.

[Leap]

I’ve been thinking about this too as I think there is something different about your (one’s) close pregnant friends who went through a similar timeline. Mine was a work friend who I wasn’t particularly close to before, but we found out at the same time we were about to start IVF at the same clinic, and then luckily both got pregnant and had our babies 2 months apart, then met up with our babies fairly regularly (back when we could).

I told her this week after the scan and she’s delighted for us, but I know if she’d gone first it would’ve at an absolute minimum twanged something in me, no matter what stage we were at. What you describe is similar to the ongoing TTC experience in a way, because at least for me there was an involuntary feeling of “falling behind” I could never get on top of, even though I knew logically all roads and experiences and ultimately outcomes are so completely unique. There’s also the spectre of comparison always available now - that’s what an X month sibling age gap would’ve looked like, oh baby Tallulah is on solids now and we’re still deciding, etc. I think it’s totally natural, and more importantly it’s a feeling that can and does exist side by side with also feeling very happy for someone else.

I think one of the hardest conversations I have had with C was admitting the above feeling because mine was much more horrible by the end (the really dark, miserable voice that asks why does that person get to have a baby when they are X or Y thing, be that a ‘perfect’ attribute or a subjectively negative one) and I hated feeling it but also had to talk about it. So like viggy says I hope it does help to type it out too.

You don’t need to answer this but has P given any timeline for revisiting the idea or is it a very closed door overall for him just now? I think that feeling of not being in control of the situation is a big inflating factor in these sort of feelings, so if you can get some of that back it might help a bit, even if it’s just knowing you can revisit it in the summer, or after T&T are 2 etc.

[Tits McGee]

Oh Ken, it is a horrible feeling. It hit me hardest when someone from my antenatal group or someone who had their first child after I had L was having their second or third - probably the “falling behind” feeling Leap mentioned. Strangely for me it got better with time, and it was definitely easier when the second/third children got a bit bigger because I saw them more as [insert child’s name here] rather than just “the baby.”

Also, I completely understand feeling bad about having those feelings when there are others who are in worse situations (and I’ve always been very grateful to have my wonderful wildling of a daughter ) but it’s still okay to be upset about your own stuff too.

[Smunder Woman]

Oh Ken, it is a horrible feeling. My sister announced her second pregnancy a couple of months after my third miscarriage, when I decided I just could not face it again. I honestly felt like someone had punched me.

[Rhodonite]

It is really hard Ken, but completely natural to feel like that, and knowing your lucky to have two children already doesn't mean you can feel sad about it all. You can't just turn off your feelings.

Would P be up for having a discussion about it? You've maybe already done it but it might help for him to under how you feel, too. Not necessarily to change his mind, but just to share exactly how you're feeling.

[Kenickie]

Thanks for being so understanding everyone, it really helps.

I had a chat with P a few weeks ago and really laid bare how I was feeling, I told him I didn't need him to respond then as I know he likes time to mull things over. We've had another chat tonight and it feels a little more positive as he's not a definite no anymore, he just thinks it's a bad idea as it'll be too hard. And that the baby would miss out on stuff as they wouldn't get any one on one time. I did their l remind him that neither of our children have really ever had that. ;)

He's also really worried about it being another set of twins, which I'd secretly love.

I think maybe I just need to get over having a smallish gap if we do have another. I guess I just feel that a singleton might feel a bit left out anyway, and even more so if they were much younger than the other two. Plus if we were going to try soon, it'd make much more sense for me to go back to full-time for a bit, whereas if we definitely weren't going to have another then I'm not sure I'd want to. I think I generally really struggle with uncertainty, and this feels like a big decision to leave up in the air, but I guess it's better to have that than a complete no.

[Kenickie]

I think you're also right, Beatrix, that I hanker after the experience of just one baby at a time, but I guess I also need to make my peace that I'm never going to have that experience of just one child, and although a singleton would be easier, a singleton plus two older ones is never going to be the same as a singleton first baby!

And yes, the falling behind articulates it perfectly. And it's definitely the wistfulness of seeing someone on a similar timeline who's moved on when you haven't.

[Kenickie]

Wow, that's brilliant! She is such a character, I love that she knows her own mind and is so independent. Three is definitely still tiny in my mind.

I totally identify with wanting to talk about the broodiness a lot more than P. I hope that a bottle of red wine and then a baby is how it goes for us too eventually.

[Kenickie]

Oh, I also meant to say that Topsy properly did independent walking, about ten steps in a row, a couple of times last week. Obviously she's ticked that box now so isn't interested in doing it again. ;) Tim still is very happy just crawling. They're 18 months on Wednesday, but I think I've read to just leave them to their own devices until they're two? I don't want to be neglectful but I feel like there's nothing anyone would actually do at this point other than to say watch and wait, and they're so good at cruising/climbing etc that I don't think there's anything to be concerned about (but obviously I'm not an expert).

[Texaco Shirley]

L took his first steps at 18 months and a day.

[Smunder Woman]

Every child in my family has been over 17 months (including my nieces and nephews, not being dramatic about my two). Joe was climbing ladders at 9 months and still didn't walk until 17 or 18 months because it was too slow compared to crawling, so I really wouldn't worry about it. On the other hand, jack does have motor issues, but even then we were told before 2 was perfectly fine.

[F'Artiste]

I wouldn’t be too concerned either, Tim will be developing other skills. Both my nieces were about 19-20 months when they started walking, and A2 was just shy of 18 months.

And well done M! We’re beginning to think about potty training A2, he keeps asking to go to the toilet (and then does nothing).