It is a really difficult decision. I've had a nightmare week (I'm ill, babies are ill, P was in the office two consecutive days so I did two nights on my own where they barely slept, and I had a day on my own where they kept throwing up everywhere and leaking through their nappies and both of them cried constantly unless they were being held so each change etc was a real battle) so now I'm feeling like I definitely can't cope with any more.
Still, onwards and hopefully upwards.
In the midst of all this I made it to a baby group where once again I had the 'oh yeah, I'm pregnant and my toddler is only 16 months now so when the babies come it'll be like having twins!'. Obviously I just went 'oh, lol, yeah' to be polite when internally I was screaming:
Yes, it will totally be the same.
Oh, apart from financially as your toddler and baby won't be in the exact same clothes size so you'll not need double, and you'll be able to pass down or reuse a crib, cot, car seat, bouncy chair or a million other things that they need at the exact same time. And it'll not be the same as you will have two lots of time off work on full pay, or only have a short time of two in childcare before free hours kick in.
Oh, apart from going through that whole fourth trimester or sleep regression at the exact same time.
Oh, apart from feeding two tiny babies who can only have milk and for months won't be able to feed themselves at all or hold their own food or bottle and will spend hours feeding.
Oh, apart from trying to get to grips with two brand new people at the same time and work out their personalities and likes and dislikes and what works to soothe them.
In fact, apart from doing the above whilst trying to get to grips with becoming a parent.
Oh, apart from having to spend hours holding two tiny people who can't support themselves at all rather than one tiny baby and a toddler who might be able to sit themselves next to you and cuddle in.
Oh, apart from the logistics of every single small thing, such as getting two non moving babies from one part of the house to another, getting them to or from the car and your destinations, fitting a double pram into shops/ coffee places, being terrified that a wheelchair will come onto the bus or train as there's no way you can fold up your pushchair and hold two babies, or picking two babies up, or positioning them for a nap on you if that's the only way they'll sleep.
Oh, apart from spending months and months constantly having to choose between the needs of two people who can't understand anything and can only express themselves through crying.
Oh, apart from the months when you have two tiny people who can't do anything to entertain themselves.
Oh, apart from never being able to properly participate in any kind of baby class as you pay more than any other attendee to spend twice as much time feeding/preventing meltdowns/changing nappies and then choosing which child will get to do the actions/have the massage/be carried around the room/use the instrument/play with the toy.
Oh, apart from being asked even more intrusive questions about your fertility etc by strangers, having to listen to everyone's story of their uncle's friend who was a twin, or their thoughts about how terrible having twins are.
Oh, apart from people not bothering to learn your children's names as it's fine to just refer to them as 'the twins'.
Oh, apart from a million other things.
I love having twins and I don't want to send either back ;) but babies change massively in their first year so having two consecutively is not the same as having twins.
Oh wow, that was a lot more moany than I thought.
I do totally get that two children is hard and busy full stop, and having a small gap brings its own challenges which I wouldn't necessarily get, and parenting is difficult whatever your situation and we all need to support each other. I guess the time taken to feed two babies at night allows for a lot of internet raging. ;)
Rant over!
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