Lockdown (And Beyond) Hatchlings

[smalex]

I'm sorry he's finding it so hard Heebs. I don't know what to suggest really. I'd also be trying to brusque my way out of the night time crying, I know W has occassionally (in the past) made a habit of things like that- so I cry at night time now because I cry at night time, rather than, I cry at night time because I'm still upset.
I've also noticed W being very flat after anything which resembles fun. He was like it in the summer when things opened up a little bit too.

We're getting a lot of tears too at the moment (yesterday because the snow man he'd made fell over when it melted) which are completely out of character for him.

It's all so hard to know at the moment though isn't it. They've every right to feel thoroughly narked about everything!

[Cerise]

Also, does he do those things for his dad?

[Heebie Jeebie]

It's really helpful to know Beebie isn't the only one who has a bit of a comedown.

I'm sorry he's finding it so hard Heebs. I don't know what to suggest really. I'd also be trying to brusque my way out of the night time crying, I know W has occassionally (in the past) made a habit of things like that- so I cry at night time now because I cry at night time, rather than, I cry at night time because I'm still upset.

I am certain there will be an element of this. I really struggle to separate what's a real problem from what's habit. He told me this morning he wishes he was dead.

Also, does he do those things for his dad?

I will check again as when we had some previous problems with bedtime they weren't happening with his dad. Again it's hard to separate what's a genuine problem as I am definitely good cop and the more patient and sympathetic. If that means he talks to me when he needs to then great, if it means he plays me then not so much.

[viggy]

After things were so horrific between me and BM during the first lockdown*, I've been putting the stuff I learned from CBT into practice with her ever since.

BM has a tendency to start crying and then also panic because her feelings are MASSIVE and she's scared she's going to be sad forever so there's a balance between recognising her emotions, but also that they're temporary. Having a cry is a good way of letting some of the sadness out, then you feel a wee bit better afterwards. I make a point of mentioning this post-crying when we're able to laugh again etc, and not mid-cry, or when the mood is harder to break.

I practice gratitude out loud: Yes, recognise lockdown is hard, but we're lucky that Daddy lives nearby and we're still allowed to see him, we're lucky the parks are still open this time, that we don't need to worry about Mummy's job, that working from home means I get to see her a lot more than when I was in the office every day. I still get a few "its still rubbish" comments and I don't try and Pollyanna her out of feeling that way, I just reiterate that it makes me feel better to remind myself of all the ways we're still lucky. And it has seeped into her way of thinking, she's since come back a few times and asked me about whether its nice being home more and seeing her more, and stuff like that.

After a really grumpy/hostile day a few days back, she ended up sobbing and saying she hated everyone and everything and she didn't even know why and I said it was normal, and lots and lots of people feel the same way right now, and that it won't be forever. An hour or so later, she was bouncing about her room dancing, and I asked if her big cry helped get the feelings out and she said "Yeah, it really did actually".

[Glint]

I will lose my shit over file formatting

[Hazey_Jane]

That’s lovely about BM, Viggy.

I just saw this on Twitter from England’s ex rugby captain and laughed out loud

[Dandelion]

F has also started her bedtime anxiety / sadness again, Heebs. Not as bad as lockdown 1.0 when she was having panic attacks, etc. She is fixated on her family in Australia - whenever she cries or feels sad she said it’s because she ‘misses grandma’ and the other day she said she wished she lived in Australia (which stabbed me in the heart because so do I, right now). She has a blanket with a photo collage of my side of the family which she cuddles and walks around with all the time. I think really it is general anxiety over lockdown / school being different, but she only knows how to explain it like that. It’s hard. Being breezy, validating but not dwelling, and giving her techniques on how to cheer herself up (colouring, watching funny videos, FaceTiming a friend) have all helped. At bedtime we still use meditation stories / rain sounds, Bach’s rescue remedy chewy pastilles and the Chimp book.

[Ruby]

After things were so horrific between me and BM during the first lockdown*, I've been putting the stuff I learned from CBT into practice with her ever since.

BM has a tendency to start crying and then also panic because her feelings are MASSIVE and she's scared she's going to be sad forever so there's a balance between recognising her emotions, but also that they're temporary. Having a cry is a good way of letting some of the sadness out, then you feel a wee bit better afterwards. I make a point of mentioning this post-crying when we're able to laugh again etc, and not mid-cry, or when the mood is harder to break.

I practice gratitude out loud: Yes, recognise lockdown is hard, but we're lucky that Daddy lives nearby and we're still allowed to see him, we're lucky the parks are still open this time, that we don't need to worry about Mummy's job, that working from home means I get to see her a lot more than when I was in the office every day. I still get a few "its still rubbish" comments and I don't try and Pollyanna her out of feeling that way, I just reiterate that it makes me feel better to remind myself of all the ways we're still lucky. And it has seeped into her way of thinking, she's since come back a few times and asked me about whether its nice being home more and seeing her more, and stuff like that.

After a really grumpy/hostile day a few days back, she ended up sobbing and saying she hated everyone and everything and she didn't even know why and I said it was normal, and lots and lots of people feel the same way right now, and that it won't be forever. An hour or so later, she was bouncing about her room dancing, and I asked if her big cry helped get the feelings out and she said "Yeah, it really did actually".

I think this is all eminently sensible.

Sometimes you just want to moan and cry and be listened to and empathised with. It reminds me of the scene in Midsommar where the other women scream with her.

The SAM used to be a bedtime fretter (particularly with me rather than Partner. ) and I used to get into horribly circular arguments with him - me, "oh it's not that bad" him, "it is!". Someone advised me to agree and empathise and then switch up the conversation into a ridiculous and unrealistic fantasy - so the kids are clear you're not promising a way out of it. It's hard to explain, but something like; "I know it's terrible not seeing your friends/granny - when this is all over, we should fly to see them in a hot air balloon and all go and have a party on the moon". Then they can get swept up in your fantasy and join in - you're still acknowledging the situation but you're giving their brain a break from it without making a promise you can't keep. E.g. "I promise it will all be better next week" etc. because they know it's just make-believe.

[Pippedydeadeye]

Squeak is sobbing. She says she just wants to go back to school (so things must be bad). I think she’s completely hit the wall. I’m going to try to get her to come out for a walk with me. I don’t know how to help her because I feel exactly the same (sorry).

I tried the ridiculous plans trick. Didn’t do much, but did get a smirk from her.

[Ruby]

Yeah, I think a teen may see through it. What is it specifically, Pip? Is it the work or the lack of social contact or the lack of routine/change?

[Texaco Shirley]

L had a meltdown last night too after we had to have a talk about how obsessed he’s got with his phone since lockdown. I think he might have also been worried about the orthodontist so I hope he feels better now that’s out of the way.

[Luce]

F is having almost daily meltdowns. I feel so, so sad for him, I always have to go and cry in private afterwards. This is absolutely not sustainable. I honestly don't know what to suggest but a walk certainly wont hurt. I'm sorry, Pip.

[Pippedydeadeye]

Yeah, I think a teen may see through it. What is it specifically, Pip? Is it the work or the lack of social contact or the lack of routine/change?

All of it? She says the work isn’t interesting and she can’t concentrate. Plus they’re only doing live registration with a brand new mentor so he doesn’t even “know” them. I think she feels cut adrift.

[Ruby]

Is she not having live lessons? It might be worth getting in touch with the school to let them know she's struggling. I would want to know if it was one of my form.

[Pippedydeadeye]

No live lessons. I don’t want to be an arsehole, but the school seems really behind on this.

[Ruby]

Well. They are meant to be offering 4 hours+ of live lessons per day. There is room for interpretation but I think it's fair to ask questions in this scenario. It's really very difficult for Key Stage 3 students to keep track of their work independently.

[Heebie Jeebie]

Poor Squeak. We're being forced to live in a way that is really unnatural and she is at an age where lack of contact with friends will really be noticeable to her. I agree with Lucy that this isn't sustainable - it was for a while but we have reached the tipping point where most children are noticeably affected now. Not that we have any choice but to continue on.

[Cerise]

Well. They are meant to be offering 4 hours+ of live lessons per day. There is room for interpretation but I think it's fair to ask questions in this scenario. It's really very difficult for Key Stage 3 students to keep track of their work independently.

4+ hours of live lessons? Really? J has 5 hours of lessons a day. As of this week, some are live (three yesterday and two today) and some pre-recorded (voice over Powerpoints). Doing a full timetable of live lessons would be really hard work!

[Jupiter]

I'm sorry Squeak is struggling. This whole things is just so unnatural for them.

A has been ok but I noticed she was a bit down so we moved her out to work with us in our office this week and it's definitely helped. She doesn't like working on her own so seeing us working too has definitely helped with making her feel less alone..

[Little My]

Mine both do a full day of live lessons. B normally gets to leave early to work on some literacy, and usually sits with me to do it. I think it really helps them. R's homeroom teacher paired up all of her students with a 'buddy', and they are supposed to check in on each other regularly. Either talking about schoolwork, or just company. They sit and have a lunch date once a week too normally. I think it's a great idea. (Her homeroom teacher is actually a very nurturing type, and genuinely seems to be prioritizing their mental health.)