Lockdown (And Beyond) Hatchlings

[Ruby]

I have the car but no chance to do it. Theo seemingly needs me constantly all day and I can't risk going to the car in case he has an emergency (he can't remember how to spell home, for example) and would merrily scream the house down whilst I sat in the car oblivious. T is on Skype calls all day so we have to at least pretend to keep the noise down.

I think it's OK to let him scream the house down at least once, whilst you sit in the car wearing noise cancelling headphones. Obvs it's not ideal if T is on Skype calls but this isn't a normal situation.

[Luce]

See, that's the thing, normally I'd take myself off on the garden for 5 minutes alone but T is on back to back calls from 9am till 5pm and he's on the edge too, his work is never normally like that, it's really pushing him. T and I fighting about who is the most stressed is something I'm keen to avoid! We're being very nice to each, so far!

It's just a shitty situation for everyone. Sorry, I'm not poo-pooing the idea, I'm just struggling because my normal coping strategies (regroup on my own) just aren't available at the moment.

What I do know is that if today is bad then tomorrow is almost certainly going to be a much better day so that's helpful.

[Froozy]

Is there any chance of an evening walk by yourself, Luce? I went out at 6 earlier this week with my headphones and spent my whole hour on the phone to a friend who had also escaped. I was home in time for bedtime (only because it was my turn) and the relief to get away and speak to who I wanted to, as well as just walk fairly mindlessly, was amazing.

That said, yesterday was pretty much a washout. S spent most of the day on the ipad with occasional bouts in the garden. I just couldn't find it in me to play more hot wheels or paw patrol . He's 5 so school have said to take it easy which is fortunate because he has no interest in doing anything school-like without peer pressure and teacher authority. He is at that age where they learn no matter what they're doing but compared to some of his classmates whose parents are all about the schedule and the achieving stuff we are very much going the unschooling route. Although with less salt dough and cooking.

[Zoomer]

It's like when they were babies/toddlers and every day felt like a never ending repeat of the last with no escape. I want to smash people in the face who say 'just take this time to enjoy them! *wank wank wank*' . I enjoyed him anyway! I enjoyed watching him walk into school happy and walk out happy, I enjoyed him going to play football and going to play at a friends house. I enjoyed getting him back after a day we were apart and hearing about everything he'd done in his day.

This is exactly how I feel too, smal.

I don't think many are just getting on with it tbh, Luce. All the parents I know with children suddenly at home all day every day are finding it very tough too at times.

J and I are tag-teaming so we both get a chance to work. So he works all weekend while I mind A, then I work full days Mon and Tues and half days the rest of the week. We're both absolutely wrecked after our two full days of active parenting, and keen to get back to work.

Can T take over more at the weekend? At least one day out of the two to give you a break?

[Luce]

Yeah, he does. He seems to totally get it too, which is helpful. He does the majority of all weekend stuff. Again, fortunately something he enjoys (he loves cooking for them and taking them out on their bikes etc, the mad head). It just feels like the weekend isn't enough. I wake up in my office on Monday morning feeling like I've never left. I remember this so clearly from maternity leave that I KNOW it's situational and it will end.

An evening walk on my own sounds lovely, I might start doing that. Although it would technically be breaking the rules since I walk with the boys every day.

Felix is now teaching Theo how to play Junior Monopoly so he'll be joining me in the corner weeping soon so it will be nice to have company

[Froozy]

Luckily S doesn't want to go any further than the garden but in these cases I think there's an argument that you facilitate their exercise and then have your own. I appreciate many people won't agree with me but as part of the reason they're allowing us out to exercise is for our mental health and as I doubt you'll be sunbathing in a park or similar, I think it is justified.

[emma_p]

Good luck with that Felix! I think the 5 year age gap makes things trickier than siblings closer in age too.

[Jet]

Oh Luce - I totally sympathize. I basically told them all yesterday that I was putting headphones in and working and unless someone walked up to me and said it was emergency I would not be taking them out for noises, question or to investigate screaming and shouting.

I am already annoyed with the lot of them today as a small took my phone through to the living room with him before 7am when Mr J went through and NO ONE thought to bring it back to me even though my alarm was going off. Mr J said he wanted me to sleep but I had stuff to do before embarking on a day of meetings/calls.

I’ve basically told Mr J I’m outsourcing school to him today as when I approached S to start school at 9 (the usual time I set aside to help him with things he can’t do independently like reading/writing) they were 5 minutes into watching a show together. Naturally I picked the shit stuff I was avoiding

[Ismee]

Luckily S doesn't want to go any further than the garden but in these cases I think there's an argument that you facilitate their exercise and then have your own. I appreciate many people won't agree with me but as part of the reason they're allowing us out to exercise is for our mental health and as I doubt you'll be sunbathing in a park or similar, I think it is justified.

It is tricky. I really enjoy a walk on my own listening to a podcast and it's a chance for some time on my own but I don't want to break the rules and I need to get my three out. Especially TBL, he loves staying at home so isn't bothered about going out but I need to make sure he does.

This morning was a bit fraught, we've put further restrictions on their screen time and so they've been moaning a lot. I had to sit them all down and tell them that I was not going to micro manage their days and they needed to sort out rows themselves where possible and find something to do.

I provided a list of suggested activities for them to choose from. They're currently playing Minecraft together on the PS3 which I know is screen time but there's so much chatting and giggling going on and team work so it's much better than Roblox or whatever so I'm having a quiet few minutes upstairs with my book.

[Loralei]

Luce, is there any chance of T taking a day's annual leave? If he could take a Wednesday or two off it would help break up the week. Or you would be completely justified in sending the menfolk for their walk when T finishes work while you enjoy some peace and then go yourself later, perhaps when Theo is in bed? P has just got in and taken the children out as I'm still working, but the peace is amazing. (In fact I might just enjoy it and log on to finish my To Do list on Friday )

At least we have a 4 day weekend coming up. If none of the suggestions we've made work for you, make sure you get as much time to yourself as possible then.

[Zoomer]

J and I are tag-teaming so we both get a chance to work. So he works all weekend while I mind A, then I work full days Mon and Tues and half days the rest of the week.

Which is working really well, as it means i get to do all the mornings as he's working in the evenings, and then all the fucking bedtimes as well. And I've just had to clean up after lunch before i can start cooking dinner, with a small child begging me to play with her all the fucking time and I AM JUST FUCKING DONE. Fuck this shit.

[Kleio]

It must be so hard for those with just one. At least those of us with multiples can outsource entertaining to them. Mine argue like cat and dog or play lovely together. There’s no in between.

Lucy, when I sat outside for 2 hours I just abandoned the kids. As I stormed out I told them it was strict bedtime rules (only disturb me if one of you is bleeding, vomiting or dead) The other two kept Elf occupied and they had apparently discussed putting him to bed if I stayed out all night.

Once T is finished can’t you go and spend a few hours in the car or the garden tonight?

[Luce]

Oh, to be clear, I've no qualms in abandoning them, just not when it puts our mortgage at risk

Thank you for the suggestions, they're brilliant and helpful as always. I'm going to start doing an evening walk, especially while it's so beautiful out.

And yes to annual leave. T is worried his request will put him at risk of furlough but needs must. He's also been booking our two hours over lunch so he can take over. I'm a princess though and none of it is enough. The pressure has broken a bit though now so I feel calmer and more able to tackle it all.

Really appreciate being able to rant, thanks chaps, you've been very kind - I know it's infuriating when you make good suggestions that just get turned down!

Zoomer might I suggest a light scream into a pillow?

[Rebel Pebble]

There has been a legal challenge under the Equality Act to the "once a day and no driving to exercise" part of the guidance, on behalf of parents with autistic children*, and it has succeeded. So if there are specific health reasons (for adults as well) why it's necessary, it's allowed:

https://www.bindmans.com/news/governmen ... -necessary


*but applicable to anyone who it would be relevant to.

[Ismee]

Mr Is still isn't home from work which means it will be 8pm before I get to go out. I'm still going though and it will be lovely to be alone.

I didn't take the children out today because I thought we'd all go out together, I didn't realise he'd be this late. They've been in the garden though so it's fine.

[Loralei]

Really appreciate being able to rant, thanks chaps, you've been very kind - I know it's infuriating when you make good suggestions that just get turned down!

It's only annoying when someone does it all the time, you're ok I hope the things that can be done help.

I hear you on the clinginess; I did a video call with TD on my lap earlier. Fortunately it was with my team who don't care as long as I'm still able to contribute

[Loralei]

There has been a legal challenge under the Equality Act to the "once a day and no driving to exercise" part of the guidance, on behalf of parents with autistic children*, and it has succeeded. So if there are specific health reasons (for adults as well) why it's necessary, it's allowed:

https://www.bindmans.com/news/governmen ... -necessary


*but applicable to anyone who it would be relevant to.

That's interesting Rebs. Thank you.

[Heebie Jeebie]

That's good. It's bad enough with a hyperactive child but anyone with additional needs must find it unbearable.

[Squirrel]

OH MY GOD! I feel validated! George (autistic and not having his usual occupational therapy) has to get out of the house. Needs to, in a big big way.

Fortunately it’s been okay for us living where we do as we can go out without being near other people, but it’s getting busier outdoors and I had been mentally weighing up the relative risks of taking him elsewhere.

[Squirrel]

Luce, I completely understand how you feel.

Yesterday I had a very bad day and a huge tangle of feelings about everything, which boils down to I hate this. I had to go and sit in the garden by myself for quite a long time while the children had yet more screen time.