Lockdown (And Beyond) Hatchlings

[Jet]

And sorry, that sounds very vague. In a nutshell, L was working on the floor and a child walked past to get paper and L went to lean on the cabinet without looking and accidentally touched the child on the bum. When asked he said it was 'intentional' because he intentionally went to lean on the cabinet. Misinterpreted entirely by school as he intentionally touched a child on the bum. Then said child glared at him and L's reaction, while not appropriate, was to push the child/put some distance from whom he was being glared at, and he (sitting on the floor, other child standing) tried to push him in the stomach and went too low and touched his front private area Again, when asked, he said it was intentional because he intended to push him, he didn't intend to touch his privates. He was trying to be honest about intentional acts and also said 'touched' instead of 'pushed' because he didn't want to get in more trouble and then it transcended into intentional touching of privates. FFS. Pretty sure that's what the kids parents were told.

The problem is this is after a run of doing no school work, being disruptive (in being annoying constantly, not anything aggressive), and some incidents where he hit someone with a pencil or similar. It's all compounded at this point into something beyond the sum of its parts. While he might be impulsive and make poor decisions at times, he's not remotely interested in touching other kids privates for fun. He didn't even really understand how what he said today was a problem and how this is the end situation.

[purple_dress]

Oh jet. Poor S. The school sound so much less than helpful. I wish I could give you a hug.

[Estrella]

Oh, it’s like an avalanche of things isn’t it? That’s what I’m finding too. I don’t actually recognise my son in some of the reports from school

[viggy]

Oh FFS Jet, poor L - it really sounds like they’re making a mountain out of a molehill.

[olive]

Oh poor L! I hope the school realise how much they are blowing this out of proportion.

[olive]

Sooooo we had a call from the school nurse earlier and T went to her crying about stomach pains and feeling nauseous. Same thing happened on Tuesday night before soccer practice but he ended up going as he said he felt fine. He even had practice last night and said it was one of his best. I honestly can’t keep up.

Mr O spoke to T on the phone and he was really upset and said he felt sick like Tuesday etc and asked to come home. Mr O said fine he could come home but it would mean T couldn’t go to the Ninja night this evening with his friends.

He agreed to stay and said he’d go back to class but didn’t and sat in the nurses office for the last couple of hours of school. He’s adamant nothing happened and Mr O has just picked up the boys from school but T won’t talk about anything.

He has been full of beans the past 2 days so I’m at a bit of a loss. I’ll obviously make a doctors appointment because of the stomach pains.

[Jet]

Oh olive, my sympathies. We've been doing the stomach pains (and feeling weird, and reflux sounding stuff), nurse dance too with L. It obviously worth getting checked out but do you think it's just anxiety?

We ended up going to the doctor (after he went to the nurse three times in one week) and she gave him prilosec for a month (we're on the last week) since he's had covid, colds and stomach bugs over the last few months (this was before we ended up at the ER with a new stomach bug ) she thought maybe something was just off after all that and he needed reset. I was glad she thought there was weight to it because school thought he was just trying to get out of class and they were swaying me to think the same.

He also got out of gymnastics a couple of times because of it and he's ended up stopping going as he would complain every week and he also was getting in trouble with his coach every week and I'm not paying all that to waste everybody's time when the kid is also moaning. I feel odd about it though, as I now need to find something else for him to do outside of school.

On the L situation, not a peep from school today. I had asked them to call me or Mr J and they didn't. Not particularly happy at not even getting an email response. I also spoke to the diagnostician (who is doing the special ed assessment) today. I really like her and she was very understanding about what a shit show this is, and how not well some things are being handled, and is trying to get the assessment done by mid-May. She spoke to me very candidly about her in class observations and suggested gently that maybe montessori is not going to work for him right now and maybe to think about moving him to another school. I have a list and have a call out to what would be my top pick (as now I will have kids in different schools) but I really don't want to move him and I suspect we won't get in to that school. Although I see why montessori lack of structure can be hard for ADHD kids, I see it as better for S now that he's older and wouldn't see him fitting well back in a regular sit at a desk classroom (not solely because he struggles to stay in a a seat). But for L right now, it's not working, clearly. I'd prefer to test out meds and see how he does, but I need to keep options open.

[Little My]

I hope you can get the full assessment done ASAP, Jet. At least the diagnostician seems helpful. But don't feel pressured into a particular decision that doesn't feel right.

I am feeling frustration towards school at the moment too. We have an IEP meeting this week for R which will include the school psychologist, and I have no idea what I'll be met with. Her homeroom teacher this year is, err, challenging and massively uncommunicative. He seems to be the one rocking the boat with her accommodations, but it's so hard to argue when you can't see what's going on at school. Instead of dreading it and panicking, I should really pull my socks up and get all my documentation reviewed. It is definitely a race against time to try and correct things with next year in mind. It will be her last year at elementary.

And B's teacher never did end up calling me, so it can't have been important.. I am choosing to leave it.

[olive]

Oh olive, my sympathies. We've been doing the stomach pains (and feeling weird, and reflux sounding stuff), nurse dance too with L. It obviously worth getting checked out but do you think it's just anxiety?

Well I’m not surprised he was anxious. He had a project due today, a science test today, a maths test he took on Friday and a Spanish test tomorrow. Sounds like a lot but this has all been assigned over the past 2 weeks so pretty manageable but he hadn’t a stroke of work for anyone of it.

With both Mr O and I travelling back to back the last 2 weeks we dropped the ball on keeping track. I checked in with T daily about homework but he looked me straight in the eye and told me he didn’t have anything. As a consequence he spent the whole of yesterday working on his project and squeezing in a bit of study for his test.

I know he’s avoiding his work and why but it’s just relentless when he still refuses to engage with the bare basics. I’ve had to email all his teachers and find out what is missing and upcoming and hate being a helicopter parent but if the alternative is him being stressed and sat in the nurses office for half the day I don’t see what else I can do. He has a paper and digital planner and uses neither.

I hope L’s school comes back you, Jet. It’s pretty shitty to have left you hanging and B’s teachers call can’t have been that important, LM!

[Little My]

It's just so weird. Mostly because she has never had to call me about anything before, so it's not a case of same ol', same ol'.

Yeah, I hear you on the lack of info on homework and assignments due. (And children lying about it!) It's causing so much grief for us this year.

[Jet]

That sounds very similar to S, olive. His case manager just emailed me today to ask what concerns I have (ahead of his annual meeting) and his grasp on what he has outstanding/due/missing seems to be his biggest issue right now. He'll come home daily with nothing to catch up on then at crunch time I find out he's missing 5-6 assignments and he seems clueless as to what or where they are. However, when I told him we were going to look up the current work submitted in the school system today, he told me his teacher already did that with him, so that's good she's aware. He did forget to bring anything home to work on but, you know

I did the classroom observation today with L and it really wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. He may have been trying harder because he knew I was there, and although he certainly wasn't perfect, he really doesn't ever behave better for me so if a factor, it was for minor benefit. I've got some stuff I want to go over with him...more just about being a functioning person in life - how to minimize wasted time and help himself do better just by taking this route | instead of S. The amount of time this kid spends in a day trying to locate a missing pencil is amazing

Because I'm I broke the time I spent there into 15 min slots and looked at what happened in each. It got me a good view of that he wiggles, flaps, falls (over or off chairs) at least once or twice every 15 mins and a good half hour of the time I was there was wasted with work related confusion, mismanaged time or just getting told to switch what he was working on. And another 30 probably on just general classroom distractions, other student interactions or interruptions.

I have some thoughts and am trying to speak with the asst principal tomorrow, but basic outcome is I'm not as concerned now that I've seen it in person, I have some ideas for things we could do differently and more than anything else I am going to make a strong point reminding them he is a small child and he does not get up in the morning with the intention of coming into school to give them all a hard time.

[Dutchie]

I've been reading all these posts with great interest - and much sympathy for all those struggling with insurance coverage, uncooperative schools, med side-effects and all that. Last October/November Joe (13) was diagnosed with ADD and although we really didn't want to medicate, his lovely paed convinced us otherwise and the change in him has been so dramatic, I've become quite evangelical about the meds now. The stuff he's on (methylphenidate) only lasts for 4 hours and he's on 10 mg but that means he has to take another dose at school. But you know, he has ADD so he forgets to take it most of the time! He's also been suffering on and off with nausea and tummy aches from the meds and he has very little appetite during the day because of them. This has got rid of the Covid/lockdown weight he put on though!

[purple_dress]

J has a sleepover with a female friend tonight (arranged by the dads when they saw each other yesterday). Seeing as they're both 9/10, I though it would be the responsible thing to have a quick chat with Jay to ascertain that he and E were just a friend thing and that there wasn't any boyfriend-girlfriend thing happening. His reaction was absolutely priceless : 'Ewwwwwwwwww, no!'

I did explain to him why I had to ask and he was very good about it.

[Cerise]

[Little My]

My kids are both getting end of year trips! It's some sort of miracle!? They are both so excited. R is going even though it's to a theme park and she hates rollercoasters.. and theme parks.

[viggy]

The excitement is real, LM

After two years of anxiety and refusal to engage in any extra curricular activities, BM has asked to join the cubs :eek: And L might be joining as a parent helper The cubs and scouts had a weekend camp last weekend and I think her blind jealousy that most of her classmates were involved outweighed her anti-social tendencies

[Little My]

Aww, that would be nice for BM and L to do that together. Especially if she's not sure about going.

[Jet]

That's lovely. I hope she is happy she decided to do it.

Talking of trips... I got blindly roped into being a field day chaperone for L's class (his teacher is not in that day and she suggested it would be good for me to be there instead) then I find out it's off site, 40 min bus ride but parents don't get to ride on the bus. Pray for me

In other news, L started methylphenidate yesterday. So, we're on day two so early days. But he came home from school and gave me a blow by blow (with times and durations) retell of his day (he was partly telling me because he knew he was supposed to tell me about any issues or side effects and how he felt) but he's never really been able to retell time sequence events like that before - he'd give little random snippets, but quizzing him usually on when things happened or in what order he'd say he didn't know or didn't remember. Then today we drove to my inlaws and he basically talked the entire way, telling stories, facts, or things he's learned (veering from how water towers work, with theories about how the water gets in there to recalling facts he's learned about the abolition of slavery) in a way I haven't seen before. It was almost like all this jumble in his brain was suddenly lining up in a way it could be verbalized so it was ALL coming out.

It's really incredibly interesting - not to say this will be the right thing, or that we won't need to experiment or trial and error, but certainly a very interesting change to witness. He's had some other odd feelings, definitely some nausea and appetite is a little all over the place.

[Little My]

It is interesting, I always wonder what it feels like. It's hard to put yourself in their shoes.

When R started meds she had an immediate reaction. It was like night and day. Where as B has been different - I was saying the dosage must be too low because I hadn't noticed any change, but I see it now! Weeks 3 + 4 he's so much calmer, and can sit and do homework properly. His teacher re-did his ADHD assessment for the doctor to review, and there is a massive difference in class too.

[Jet]

It's interesting too that he's often really struggled articulating how he feels...in himself or physically and so he was now being super specific about how he felt and telling the nurse his wrists and ankles and ribs hurt and he had a 'whole' headache and his legs felt weak. It was just so much the first day, we think he just knew he felt different but couldn't quite figure it out.

The stomach aches seems to have lessened a little and a snack seems to help. He is definitely a bit more wired at bedtime (he is always a problem at bedtime anyway but this seems less willful). He is super hungry in the evening, although he says he's eating lunch at school, I noticed at the weekend he no longer snacks (he used to eat all day long at the weekends), including when he gets in bed he claims he's hungry again.