The Mock Turtle

They are.

IWLTS I miss you to my Nan who would’ve been 99 today but she’d just dismiss me with an “I’m sure you do” which is fitting and appropriate. So instead I’ll have a stout in her honour and cry at The Repair Shop instead

Hazey

That sounds like a good way to spend your time Hazey.

Definitely. Xx

Aww, Hazey. I always loved hearing about your nan.

Sorry. I was having a wee pity party yesterday sparked by Andy Murray cooking with his gran and Mary Berry.

No need to apologise Hazey, your nan was a big part of your life, those dates can hit hard.

IWLTS well at least you were entertaining in your top volume stupidity.

Woman behind me on the bus having loud speakerphone call. Usual tiresome selfishness until she suddenly started telling the bloke on the other end that "well of course, you need to do a parasite cleanse, I've told you. That's why you have psoriasis. You're riddled with them" There then followed recipes involving boiling onions in vinegar and how he should put potato skins in his shoes to "draw out the toxins - you'll see, they'll turn black. That's the toxins"

It was hilarious. Really passed the time.

In bus entertainment

I truly hate people who have speakerphone/video calls in public. Narcissistic twats.

He should give it a go. It might get rid of her..

Iwlts: I’m beyond vexed, you stupid restaurant. You told me to ring today with my order so why has nobody hanswered the phone ALL day. My meal tomorrow currently consists of bread rolls, crisps, a meringue and mince pies

Ugh. It’s my annual Christmas lunch for some friends and this year we decided to get Lebanese food delivered which we would all chip in for. I should’ve just done a bloody roast like we normally do . I thought a middle eastern mezze type thing would be nice. Now rung another restaurant where the owner was out and is going to WhatsApp me a menu tomorrow at 11, this is not how I roll..

That's infuriating, Luna.

IWLTS you never fail to disappoint, do you?

Usual suspect, usual shit. He asked if we could change our plans to accommodate him a few months ago, and I agreed as for a brief moment he was behaving like a responsible father.

He's since found a way to look like a big man in front of a new 'friend' and of course Bambs is bumped down his priorities.

You could set your watch by him, couldn't you?

IWLTS: make them move their fucking bags. I'm on a packed bus and people keep coming up the stairs then going back down as there are no seats. Except there's people with bags on seats so I'd be telling them to get their bags moved.

New friend as in he’s replaced the girlfriend?

Wife. They got married. And filed for divorce within 9 months.

Both me and J were waving manically out the window at M, when she walked in the room behind us. It was dusk, but Guess how old the new "friend" is...

Honestly, if you looked up mid-life crisis in the OED, there'd be a picture of him leering back at you.

24, like LDiC’s upper limit?

I'm not sure his wallet is the size of LDiC's so he's had to adjust his limit upwards, but she's under 30. I really feel for Bambs.

What a prick.

What Pip said.