What I'm not saying out loud in 2021 (IWLTS)

[Hobbes]

Oh god, Squirrel, definitely avoid the drama!

I am also staying out of a netball-based drama. One of my team members got the hump after she didn’t get to play in last week’s game (we had 11 players present for the game, which we were leading and wanted to win, and so not everyone got to play) and sent a barrage of passive aggressive messages and facebook updates, and has now tearfully announced she’s going to have to give up playing netball. FFS, we are all adults and it’s a game we supposedly play for fun.

Ah now, you see, I disagree here, as I play netball myself - either you are playing for fun, or you are playing to win. If you are the sort of team that’s encouraging adults back to netball and playing for fun, then everyone should have a go, whether they are the strongest player or not.

I can understand someone being pissed off, it probably brings back all those feelings of not being the sporty one at school and not getting picked, and I think adult, non professional teams, should try and foster a better culture if it’s just meant to be a fun, encouraging club to get people playing more sport.

[H1ppychick]

I have to say I kind of agree with Hobbes there.

[Livilla]

That’s a perfectly valid way to feel, I agree, but her response to those feelings is what has annoyed me most. If you feel the club’s culture is not what you are looking for, say so, don’t post lots of passive aggressive things about how you’re having to do some soul-searching given the events of the last few days etc etc

[Texaco Shirley]

Hmm. I’m with Hobbes too.

[smalex]

It does really depend what the aims of the squad and the definition of 'fun' is. My rowing club was 'fun' in that no one was trying to break into the national squad, but my god, people took it super seriously. There's no way in hell they'd have subbed someone new into a squad in the final of a regatta so everyone could have a go. If you wanted to get in the squad you trained harder and got a place that way.

Maybe that's not a fair equivalence, I don't know.

[Luce]

She does sound like she's dealing with it emotionally which always makes you look a bit silly. Being passive aggressive is never going to make someone see your point of view. But I admit I did also have a bit of a reaction to a team of women playing for fun but excluding someone for not being up to standard. Either fun or competitive - I do think you probably have to choose if it is adults playing recreationally.

[Livilla]

The club claims to be fun, but we train every week, for example, in addition to playing games, and the squads for the various teams (first, second, third etc) are selected based on ability. And we play in a competitive league, in which relegations and promotions happen at the end of each season. So I would differentiate between that and “social” sport, in which you just turn up to play and have a laugh (I’ve played in those sorts of teams before too).

We pick up a few players each season from other clubs that are more social in nature, as one of the attractions is that we train and aim to improve skills, while having fun. So it’s not quite the simple fun/competitive dichotomy you are envisaging.

[Lola]

I can see why she feels put out too but it sounds like she’s reacting in an OTT childish emotional sort of way. Soul searching FFS

[Luce]

Well, quite. You might feel pissed off/left out but its a bit undignified to splash it all over social media.

[smalex]

Right... I'd rather burst into flames than make it that obvious my nose was put out of joinit.

Liv, that sounds fair enough. I think if people join a sports team of that ilk and they've earnt their place in it, its absolutely fair enough for it to be competitive, they shouldn't have to bend to someone's hurt feelings.

[Hobbes]

Fair enough, when you said you played for fun I was envisioning a different sort of club to the one you've described, which sounds more competitive.

[Luna]

IWLTS: Fuck off the lot of you - you aggressive ungrateful fuckers.

[Livilla]

I guess I meant we are the type of club where people like and respect each other - we have (had, pre-Covid!) lots of social events and go on weekends away etc, and aren’t the sort to shout at each other on court when mistakes are made etc (several of the teams we play against are vile to each other during games, it makes me wonder why on earth they bother!).

[Morganna]

This is why I will never get involved in sport (apart from having zero talent at any of it, so I'm no great loss to anyone )

This is entirely different from an adult team, I know, but this thread has brought back how murderous I felt when J was about 9 or 10. He lived and breathed football, but was pretty hopeless at it. He joined a local club of under 11s, which was meant to encourage involvement and train them to be better, but he never got a game as the coach only picked the best players. I understand that he wanted the team to win, but he would say privately that he'd rather have kids like J who turned up religiously and tried his best than the prima donna ones who knew they were good so mucked about, then chose the prima donnas to play. They were only kids, and I honestly think that all the initiatives to get young people to exercise more will fail if they don't recognise that sometimes it should be about the exercise and the team spirit and all of that, not just about winning. I'm not surprised that some people are put off for life, and it's not surprising that so many adults have traumatic memories of team sports as children.

I recognise that I reacted emotionally, but it was heartbreaking to see his little face when he'd really tried but yet again was missed out of the lineup. I didn't spam social media with my homicidal anger, however ;) . In short, I feel for the woman, but she probably needs to choose a different team, or a non-competitive form of exercise.

[smalex]

Oh god Morgs W is starting football training tomorrow for the first time. I'm very fearful it could be a crashing disappointment.

I think kids are a different story really, it should primarily be about involvement. That said, I remember trying out for netball at my secondary school in year 7 and then being quite surprised that if you didn't make the cut for the two squads you just...weren't welcome. One try out in the first term of year 7 was MY GREAT CHANCE. Cheers then. Although I always hated netball so I don't know why I was bothered.

[ParisGal]

Even the international squads try to make sure every player gets to have a few minutes on the pitch so they can say they took part in the World Cup. You'd think it'd be possible for under 16s!

[Lola]

Oh god Morgs W is starting football training tomorrow for the first time. I'm very fearful it could be a crashing disappointment.

I think kids are a different story really, it should primarily be about involvement. That said, I remember trying out for netball at my secondary school in year 7 and then being quite surprised that if you didn't make the cut for the two squads you just...weren't welcome. One try out in the first term of year 7 was MY GREAT CHANCE. Cheers then. Although I always hated netball so I don't know why I was bothered.

Not sport but I remember once in junior school when they were picking kids to have the opportunity to learn how to play the flute (for some reason this was a big deal & the teachers were very excited). Anyway I had one try on one & couldn’t get a sound out of it so that was it, chance gone

[smalex]

If you can't already play the flute, no way are we teaching you to play the flute

[Texaco Shirley]

Kids’ football depends so much on the coach. Ours is very inclusive and everyone gets pitch time although admittedly not everyone gets the same amount. Some coaches are all about the winning even in primary school. You can tell what type they are after about 5 minutes.

It is a bit of a balancing act though. It should all be about fun, exercise and inclusivity but it’s also incredibly demoralising if they get absolutely thumped every week so inevitably the better players do get more time.

[smalex]

I can see that too Tex. When I was researching local clubs I saw a list of recent fixtures and it was quite funny. 10-0... 11-12.. 7-13.. 6-1...13-4...