What I'm not saying out loud in 2021 (IWLTS)

[Glint]

Stay strong, Sal. Could you retire to bed?

it won't be for much longer.

[sally maclennane]

No, it would be really obvious as I never go to bed early

We are watching the Downton Abbey film just now so I'm hoping that keeps her relatively quiet

[Edith Bacon]

I feel your pain, Sal - my dad is just the same. He was here for four nights over Christmas and it was exhausting. I hope you get some peace and quiet soon.

[Glint]

[Lily]

She probably just wants to chat. My granny would do that a lot, especially when I was reading! I guess it is a bit of an antisocial thing to do if other people aren't doing it at the same time but I think meals are for chatting time and then everyone relaxes quietly afterwards. I start getting all prickly if I'm not allowed time to read.

[sally maclennane]

She loves to chat, and I am happy to do it for a while but there's a limit, plus you eventually run out of things to talk about it. Especially at the moment, when there's feck all to do

[bramblerose]

She sounds exactly like my mum, sal. She just doesn't shut up! I can only handle her in small doses.

I know it's because she's on her own but still!

[Leap]

C’s mum did this when we all went away for the weekend together, and it drove me demented. I don’t mind small talk but this way beyond it - she eventually started doing things like pointing out a pigeon and asking me if I saw it, like I was a 4 year old She isn’t like this normally, it was just in close quarters she seemed to feel the need to fill the slightest hint of (otherwise comfortable) silence.

[sally maclennane]

Yes, I think that's definitely it, Bramble. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only 7 months since my step dad died so she's still adjusting to living alone.

ETA: Leap, yes that's exactly it! She can't leave any silence unfilled.

[Morganna]

Mine is the same, plus she hums and taps her fingers when she has nothing to say , but the worst thing is that she has to find the 'good side' in everything, which drives me mad.

Her neighbour died of Covid on Christmas Eve, but her grandchildren were off work and therefore able to be there for their father, so that was good. I wasn't sure if J would make it for Christmas, but S hadn't been exposed to Covid, so that was good. If I'd said that the Christmas groceries hadn't arrived, she would say it was good that I had an ancient tin of soup to fall back on. Well, yes, it would have been better than nothing, but it's like talking to Pollyanna, and being 'jollied along' like a seven year old is maddening. I think she's told herself that she won't be one of those old people who moan all the time (so she does that passive aggressively ), but sometimes it's good to acknowledge that something is just rubbish and there is no silver bloody lining.

I feel bad even thinking like this, as she's 87 and won't be here forever, but I'm not saying it out loud, so that's good ;)

[rosy]

We need a new thread to say all the things we’d like to say!

[Smunder Woman]

Oh god, sal. The talking

[sally maclennane]

I honestly have some sympathy with my dad, he was a total introvert and I don't know how he coped with it.

The other thing she does is that she always has to come up with an alternative, even when I've not asked for one. So tonight, I said to J that we should take down the tree tomorrow and put it in the loft. My mum said "did you have it in the loft before?" I said no, it was in the cupboard in the spare room, but putting it in the loft would free up space there. She then said "why not put it in the cellar?" Becaise I've already decided to put it in the loft!

[Disco]

My mum talks at me too. Basically for the first 40 minutes it's a soliloquy of nothingness where there is no pause for breath or natural break for anyone else to utter a word, then she says "Now what have you got to say/ tell me" which is when I say this is not how normal conversation works, she's told me everything in her brain thus frying mine and I can't think of anything on the spot like that. When I do speak I am interrupted with a 40 year old anecedote very slightly related to the topic I'm talking about, that paints her in a brilliant light and she's told me a thousand times before so my mouth seals up again, I faintly nod while looking out the window until the noise ceases. And then I do a theatrical "ANYWAY I was saying ...".

[Marth]

My mum does this as well, especially if I am reading. I need quite a lot of time, if not completely alone then at least in companionable silence.

She also phrases what she says in such a way as to appear slightly combative. For example instead of asking if I am hungry. She will say "so, you don't fancy dinner then?" When I haven't mentioned dinner, having it or not having it. It drives me mad. The bloke does a similar phrasing too and I find it very off putting.

[Princess Morripov]

Oh god! Anecdotes you’ve heard on numerous occasions that have been amended over time to be completely untrue.

My dad’s stories about work are like this! I never talk about work to them because he’ll be like “oh yes I had something similar 46 years ago [no you didn’t] and I resolved it in this completely amazing heroic way [no you didn’t]”. I mean, he retired 22 years ago, and never worked for a bank so it’s really reaching to try and tell me what I should do, I know there’s some good intention there but it’s the repetition/re-writing history that is just STOPNOW.

[Tabitha]

My dad’s the repeat anecdote teller in our family. I heard him giving J a monologue on meals he ate in Asia on xmas day and hastily backed out of the room. There is no stopping him at all when he gets going, each prawn is described in loving detail.

My mum favours stories of complete strangers, her neighbours’ boss’s wife’s cancer etc. Preferably an illness, never uplifting or amusing.

[nineseven]

My dad tells the same stories over and over again - and even when I tell him he's already told me about it recently, he continues telling it. The stories sometimes get held up while he tries to remember completely unnecessary details, like the surname of the man from 1965 he's banging on about.

He also gets angry if he says something then someone agrees and elaborates (ie normal conversation), taking it as an insult and snapping that's he's just said that It's a delight.

[Luna]

Oh god, old people. My mother’s favourite is banging on about how they didn’t used to have such and such when she was young - be it illness, obesity, food allergies, mental health problems etc yes, that’s because you were born in the war. It’s not comparing like for like, you fascist.

[olive]

My parents are the same.

My mum witters on incessantly unless she is transfixed by her own Indian dramas on telly. It’s like having a toddler go through the why question years again. She’s also become increasingly nosey too. She saw a bit of paper sticking out of my bag and wanted to know what it was (a Christmas card) and then had to know who sent it and commented then on the shortening of my name (not usual), the senders ethnicity (based on their names), their use of Merry Christmas vs Happy Christmas and on and on and on. It’s like she cannot keep a thought in her head.

My dad is guilty of lengthy repetitive stories as is Mr O’s.

And we’ll all turn into these people eventually. I’m already halfway to becoming my dad.