The Mock Turtle

Wow! I would 100% post on Glassdoor that they’ve asked staff to do that. Behind a VPN from someone else’s phone maybe :para:

Ooh! Are you prepared to share your company name so we can go and have a beak, Daire? suitably full.st.opp.ed of course, to prevent trackback...

Dáire wrote: ↑Thu Jun 10, 2021 9:01 am Asking us to write fake positive Glassdoor reviews to drown out the truthful, candid and scathing negative ones is pretty much a sign they're right.

Also the positive ones are so hollow and through-gritted-teeth in style they're as funny as the negative ones. Reading the column, you can imagine besuited stakeholders frantically tapping out 'there are no cons, what a company, love being part of the family'

Do you work for the Queen, Daire?

I'd be tempted to write something like ' Amazing company, that would never, ever ask employees to write a bunch of positive Glassdoor reviews to counter a load of negative ones. I0/10, would recommend.'

(Still from behind a VPN, obv )

Derek!

IWLTS: What have you done to your hair? Did you choose to style it that way or did you electrocute yourself? Do you style it with the static from a balloon?

Do you work for B.rewdog, Daire?

No but I really did fancy putting out an anon tweet that their response - 'sorry you couldn't hack the pace, we're a business after all, blah blah' was ever so familiar.

Like so far the only response I get to any concern raised is 'well, you know, we do have to make money at the end of the day'. Uh, sure, but I was asking a question about software testing or upload management, you don't really need to lean back in the big chair and sign 'ah, sweet money' at everything

Derek Nimmo wrote: ↑Thu Jun 10, 2021 9:46 am I'd be tempted to write something like ' Amazing company, that would never, ever ask employees to write a bunch of positive Glassdoor reviews to counter a load of negative ones. I0/10, would recommend.'

(Still from behind a VPN, obv )

Do this!

IWLTS: how can you forget to put sun cream on your children in 26° heat on the beach? It’s ok, I’ll deal with the burns and possible sunstroke you useless lump of lard.

Fucking hell, Kleio - that’s appalling.

Christ. That is appalling.

Surely that's neglectful parenting? As in proper legal stuff?

He remembered faces and arms. Forgot backs.

They no longer spend nights there anymore and have drastically reduced visits to one day a fortnight. It won’t be long until it’s nothing.

I mean...my friend (very decent parent) just sent me a photo of her daughters sun burnt back, so...no ones perfect. That said.... its always him isn't it

I’ll hold my hands up and say I’ve definitely been in charge of sunburnt children before but yes, once I found out they were going to the beach I just knew they’d come home a mess.

IWLTS: Won't it be nice when you no longer feel obliged to go through the motions of being a parent and your child doesn't feel like an afterthought.

IWLTS you're having a GIRAFFE.

A year ago I entered a short story competition. Forgot about it until now when the results have been awarded.

This is an excerpt of the winning story.


An alien spaceship landed in a pub car park. The door opened slowly, there was a hiss of steam and six aliens climbed down the steps. As the first alien (wearing the fanciest clothes and therefore the leader) reached the ground, he nearly jumped out of his skin as he spotted six yobs revving their motorbikes. The other aliens had to stop suddenly, and collided with each other.

“Take me to your leader,” said the chief alien.

“I’m the leader around here,” said the biggest yob, puffing himself up to look even bigger. A couple of heads whizzed round to glare at him, as if they weren’t so sure about that. Neither were the aliens. The yob stuck his nose in the air and continued, snootily, “I’m the biggest, my motorbike is the biggest, my boots are the biggest, and I have the longest hair. Therefore, I’m the leader. That’s obvious. And I say you can’t park there because our mates will be here in a minute and they’ll want somewhere to park.”

“Somewhere to park or some entertainment,” said a particularly greasy yob. “It’s not very big, is it?”

“Er ... It’s bigger on the inside than on the outside. Yes, that’s it,” said the chief alien, nodding triumphantly. But, unlike the aliens, the yobs had not seen Doctor Who, and didn’t know what he was talking about. They all mounted their motorbikes and sped around and around the spaceship, whooping and jeering as they went.

“Run!” yelled the chief alien...

I'm not saying I should have won - but surely this wasn't the best story they had?!?!

That is shit.

Looks like a winner was selected at random there

IWLTS perhaps I am being too diplomatic. What I am trying to say is can you give us someone else please because this guy is shite.