The Mock Turtle

I didn’t think late November would by flu season either

I just saw this tip on a local FB group. No idea if it works.

“Rat Sorb is an odor-neutralizing product used mainly to eliminate dead rat or mouse smells which may be coming from inside walls, attics and other hard to reach areas. All you need to do is soak a cotton ball in rat sorb or dilute rat sorb into a sprayer and apply where the odor is strongest.”

And I know it’s a completely different smell, but the only thing that would mask the smell of my neighbour’s fags when I lived in the flat were good, old-fashioned incense sticks (I got mine in Holland & Barratt).

So. It was back last summer, maybe June or July, I can't remember. I came down one morning and at first glance thought there was rice spilt on the floor, which was odd, because we hadn't eaten rice. But alas, they were maggots There were about 20 on the kitchen floor, which we cleared up, emptied the bin, then realised they were coming out of these tiny folds in the metal of the bin, so small you wouldn't think it was possible, but, sure enough, every minute or so another one was dropping out. SO obviously we BLEACHED THE FUCK out of the bin, and decided we'd take it to the tip anyway. Anyway. We looked high and low in the kitchen to make sure we hadn't missed any of the little fuckers, and decided that was unpleasantly that.

UNTIL... about a week later. It was summer and the doors and window were open so the odd fly wasn't anything to note, really, until I started to realise I'd seen quite a few. There was this moment of dawning realisation when I looked around the ktichen door frame and reailsed there were 8 flies, just in that one place and this wasn't normal. We cleared them up and felt revolted. We popped out for an hour and I swear to god, when we got back there must have been 30 fucking black flies in the kitchen. The really thick looking horrible ones. It was like a horror film. They were coming out everywhere, from under the kitchen cupboards, from the door architrave, from under the MOTHERFUCKING carpet (we haven't got a carpeted kitchen FYI, it was from the bit of carpet in the door way to the living room. Literally one every minute or so. We vacceed them up relentlessly, took off all the kick plates from the kitchen cupboards where we could (some are just jammed on too tight to move) and cleared them. But they still came. Out of the base plates of the kitchen stools. Everywhere. They'd basically been raining maggots out of that bin all fucking night and so hundreds of the things had gone and hidden themselves out of sight and sat there for a week ready to emerge as flies.

This was about 4 months into homeschooling (v1), we were both working 12 hr days trying to get everything done and then THIS. S had to take a day off work in the end because someone had to be ready to vac up the newly emerged fly every minute (you get about 2 minutes before they learn to fly). The cylinder into the vac wasjust a seething mass of hundreds and hundreds of flies.It was so horrible. We must have inhaled gallons of fly spray (the cheap shit from the spar down the road was way more potent than anything from sainsburys). It started on a Sunday, hit the peak on Monday, but it was Wednesday before we really felt it was over. Honestly I think it broke me, finally. After everything with lockdown and homeschool and now there's actual flies emerging out of the carpet

Poor W was/is actually traumatised by it We, my parents and my sister have all had to have conversations with him about how none of us have ever had the misfortune to experience something like this, so, having a fly in the house isn't anything to massively panic about. For the avoidance of any doubt, we run a pretty tight ship here, its neat, it's tidy, it's clean. And still this happened

Anyway. Hope that helps. We ended up having to buy a new bin and two new bar stools, so it also cost about £250

Oh my dear fucking CHRIST, smal. I’m so sorry.

I’ve had a couple of experiences of maggots emerging from food - the culprits being apparently infested foraged mushrooms I’d bought - and honestly the revulsion of that alone was enough for me, which was mercifully pretty small scale and contained. I am just astounded by how far those little fuckers could move! Emerging all night!

Of course I am also sorry for your rats and death stench, squizz.

Oh god Smal, that’s horrendous, you poor buggers. Poor W too, it’s like a real life horror movie.

Hope your rat stench phase is quick Squirrel, and that you kid the fly phase!

Oh Smal! That sounds traumatic you poor things.

Nine thank you! Incense sticks! That takes me right back

Smal! I remember the bit about dumping the bin but you never posted the fly horror story!

Oh Smal Well done on resisting the urge to torch the place and flee into the night though.

Cerise wrote: ↑Sat Mar 06, 2021 9:18 am Smal! I remember the bit about dumping the bin but you never posted the fly horror story!

Oh maybe I was just traumatised to talk about it by then .

I had something like that happen with carpet moths about 5 years ago, that was grim but not quite as disgusting.

When I had my house rat about three years ago I didn’t get any stench and the fly phase lasted maybe 2-3 days, there were maybe 50 flies total. They would amass on windows. Because they’re slower and dopier than bluebottles I would just open the window and waft them outside.

I’ve been hiding upstairs, I’ve just come down for the first time today and... I can’t smell it . It’s possible I’ve become desensitised (and I’ve also read about a second smell wave ), but honestly not being slapped in the face by the smell of death in my home is a what counts as a massive treat these days.

Squirrel wrote: ↑Sat Mar 06, 2021 9:44 am but honestly not being slapped in the face by the smell of death in my home is a what counts as a massive treat these days.

THIS IS LIVING

Best sniff something else just to check you haven’t lost your sense of smell...

Oh god yes

Squirrel wrote: ↑Sat Mar 06, 2021 9:44 am not being slapped in the face by the smell of death in my home is a what counts as a massive treat these days.

You and your Sunday supplement lifestyle.

This thread. You’re a great story teller, smal. BUT oh my God. I am sorry.

Oh my smal .

And Squirrel, I hope the death stench passes quickly. We’re about 3 weeks down the line of dead rat smell (from some place under the floor in a cupboard, where they had tunnelled up from the sewers). We’ve not had flies yet .

The stench is definitely going! All I can smell now is the horrible disinfectant stuff that the drain man used [to justify his fee when it turned out that the rodents hadn’t damaged the drains and the smell is purely of death].

Everything crossed that you escape the flies .

Oh my. This thread! You poor thing, Squiz.

Smal's fly story reminded me of my own moth horror story. It's about 30 years old, but moths still give me the heaves because of it.

When I married (first time round), I moved out of my flat, but didn't sell it. I rented it to my best friend, S. There wasn't enough room in my husband's house to accommodate my furniture, etc., so it was convenient not to have to move my stuff out. Even so, S had to put a lot of my things away, so that she could use the wardrobe and drawers, etc. She folded everything up and put it all in black bin liners in a tiny box room and closed the door. For 4 years or so.

By the time my marriage ended and I moved back in, I had forgotten what I had left behind in those bags. I never did find out. I opened the first bag and saw an old Peruvian wool hat on the top. I put my hand in to pull it out and the whole thing disintegrated. Literally. Into dust! I opened the bag a little more to look in. The whole thing was alive with moth larvae. It was one of the most horrible things I've ever seen. I had no choice but to close up the bags and put them out with the bins. God only knows what I threw out that day!