Dogs

[Lily]

Well my application has been accepted and I can go to meet him. I'm starting to get a bit frightened now. I'm so used to living very freely. I'm worried I'm too selfish to have a dog and money

What annoys me is so many people have said to me "It's a real tie" and it makes me wonder if they think I'm not capable of that which makes me wonder if I am! Nobody says that to someone when they say they want a baby.

[Ella]

They should though!

[viggy]

I think people say that to ANYONE thinking of getting a dog, either because that’s their own reason for not wanting one, or because they’ve come across too many people who got a dog without thinking it through. I really doubt it’s a reflection of you as a person, you’re one of the most thoughtful people I know.

[Skips]

Yes!

Also, I don't think it's people questioning your capability to own a dog so much as checking you have thought about the implications of owning one.

[Lily]

I haven't thought about anything but, really. My friend said to me that she didn't think I'd enjoy being a parent and it was one of the wisest things anyone has ever said to me. She was absolutely right. I'm wondering if the same is true of a dog now.

The only positive thing about having an animal is that it makes you happy. Is that reason enough to have one?

Mind you I had so many similar fears about buying a house and touch wood that's turned out ok so far ...

[Hazey_Jane]

I’m not sure that’s the only positive thing about having an animal Lily. Don’t forget it’s a two- way street, you’re giving another living creature a safe shelter with food, care and love

[Lily]

Sorry I meant for me, that's the only positive. It's not like buying a house which is a good investment.

I'm overthinking and panicking again. My gut reaction when I was invited to meet him was joy so I'm going to hold onto that.

[Squirrel]

You are overthinking and panicking, but it’s also good to take the commitment seriously. Having a dog is a tie and they do annoying things like trot mud through the house or wake you up whining for no apparent reason at 5 am :ella: or steal the Christmas turkey (in-laws dog). But honestly I adore dogs so much and I really love having a dog, it’s not necessarily something that can be quantified like a property investment. I think it’s perfectly okay to want a dog just because you want one .

I don’t know how good the rescue organisation that you’re dealing with are at setting expectations, this is very variable IME. Bear in mind that there can be a long settling in period for a rescue dog. I reckon it took Gladys (who was a young adult dog) a full year to fully settle in with us. Some dogs are happy and comfortable straight away but it’s common for it to take a few months.

[Leap]

A lot of the time it’s a reflection on how the person feels themselves, too. My mum mentioned recently that my brother wants a dog, and all of my questions were MY questions, if you see what I mean. What about holidays? Will they get a dog walker? What about the mess? I don’t think my brother can’t handle or hasn’t thought of those things, I’m genuinely interested in how those things will be handled by someone I know will be a fantastic dog owner.

[sally maclennane]

I don't know if I'm expressing myself clearly here but I found people were much more likely to question what I did when I was single, than they do now. It's as if I wasn't properly grown up then :ella: Maybe if I'm being kind, people wanted to give me the chance to talk it over but honestly, I think a lot of people just feel that they *can* question a single person's choices in a way that they wouldn't dream of with a couple.

As Leap says too, its often a reflection of people's own thoughts on the decision. It's not a bad thing to overthink such a big decision but ultimately it is YOUR decision. Nobody has the right to undermine that.

[Kenickie]

I agree with Leap, and people do ask things like 'what will you do about work?' when you're talking about having kids which is the same kind of thing. But generally, people assume that everyone knows that you can't just leave a baby in the kitchen with the radio on while you spend a day in the office. ;)

[Ella]

I will say though that with rescue animals more than any other kind, you have to be SURE. There’s always a point after taking in an animal when you look up and wonder what the hell you’ve done. Rescue animals have been through so much already: sending them away again because you’ve realised you’re not up for it is much, much harder on them.

[Lily]

Ella, absolutely. That's very much on my mind.

Sal, that is exactly it - I get it a lot because I'm single. I understand it, because it seems a bit bizarre to do anything potentially expensive or risky by yourself. But if I don't do things alone I will never do anything I want to because I'm on my own. Thanks for making that point; it did make me quite emotional as I get that frequently and it undermines my faith in myself. Anyway, my parents are now fully supportive (mum feels that a dog who's been socialised in foster care is safer than one which has come straight from the streets, and this one is fine with other dogs and is walked by the foster mum's daughter) and are going to come with me (because I'll inevitably get lost apart from anything else, but also they're going to be involved with him and it'd be nice for him to meet us all at the same time). I've also lined up a good 'contingency circle' of dog-sitters if I get hospitalised/get summonsed to court again/go on holiday and can't take him with me, which is really reassuring. They're all excited about him and happy to help so that's nice too.

Just to balance it: I have seen 2 solitary magpies today, so I am managing my expectations.

[Ella]

Their mates are probably sitting on their nests at the moment, if that helps :)). Certainly building them.

[Lily]

Here's hoping! I'd forgotten how much I hate this time of year.

[Lily]

Can't buy a puppy, can't adopt. It does weigh on me. I never thought I'd be an adult with no dog. It would happen 'one day', but one day never came.

I do recommend this place: https://www.facebook.com/MossManiaDogs They are very happy to help and talk to you. I've not found this with any other shelter.

[FiveO'Clock]

When are you going to meet him? He's adorable! Has the shelter/rescue told you how he is with potty training or about any destructive behaviors he may have?

[Lily]

Hopefully this coming weekend.

He's clean in the house and doesn't have any destructive behaviours. He's very "easy" apparently. His mum is sure he has some lab in him as he has that slightly stupid clumsy loveliness about him. He's very chilled out. The video shows other dogs barking at him and he's just like :woteva:.

[Zoomer]

FWIW, Lily, I think you'll be a great dog mother. You have a lot of love in you to give and that's what dogs need above all.

[baargain]

He looks lovely.