Simon Baron-Cohen can stuff right off

[Kenickie]

That's horrendous, Duo. And totally ridiculous you got told that, Smun.

[Beena]

That's absolutely horrifying, Duo! I can't believe lecturers would behave that way.

I've worked with academics for most my adult life and it breeds a distinct type of misogyny. I'm not surprised at all.

As a first year undergrad my Renaissance Literature professor slid his hand up my inner thigh. I didn't take too kindly to it and then found myself in front of the Head of Department on a weekly basis for assorted misdemeanours including plagiarism. He'd mispronounce my name in seminars to sound like female genitalia. Once, in a lecture, he described a character who shared my first name as slut, a whore, a common slattern and then asked me what I had to say for myself. The HoD knew what was going on, I wasn't the first, I doubt I was the last, they were waiting for him to retire.

I'm really sorry about Mini, Duo. I knew she'd had issues, but hadn't realised how bad it was. I'm also really sorry that her ambitions were destroyed too (however happy she is on the path she's chosen). No-one should have to deal with that shit. It's just cruel.

[Duophonic]

I think for some institutions they get the run of the place especially if there's a long distinguished history. No one wants to be the whistleblower.

I attended a poly that'd been given uni status the year I went and everyone wanted you to succeed. A completely different experience.

Thanks everyone, she may go back, she may not. She's giving herself a year of working to see how she feels.

Unsurprisingly she's taken to Funerals like a duck to water. She loves that she gets to make a difference to bereaved families and making sure their loved ones are given a dignified send off. She works for a chain and They also have a massive archive in Glasgow not far from where she's currently based so who knows.

[Jet]

That is utterly shocking (though I suppose it's not actually shocking); I'm sorry she had such a time but really glad she's found something she's happy doing. As someone who has a career totally unrelated to any of my academic life, I'm a big advocate of just seeing where things lead to.

[olive]

Bloody hell, Duo. I’m so sorry Mini had such a tough time. It much have so hard to see this all happening.

[mojojojo]

God, Duo. I’m so sorry for you and Mini. I’m glad she’s found something she likes now

Smun! In their bloody faces!

[Morganna]

That is all shocking (Mini and Smun)! I have to say that it's not been my experience of working in universities, which makes it all the more so.

My nephew, who's 10, has recently been diagnosed with Pathological Demand Avoidance which is on the Autism spectrum, and the diagnosis (and treatment) has changed his life. He's been 'hard work' since he was a baby, and school was really difficult for him. He's getting help from a psychologist now, and he's much happier - like a different boy. His mum had to go private, which is shameful, as life will be very difficult for children whose parents can't afford to pay for the sessions. He's bright, so whereas he doesn't have the same emotions as other people, he is able to understand that 'most people' feel annoyed when he insists on playing the same game over and over, or won't co-operate with anything. He wants to be liked, and genuinely doesn't mean to be difficult, so he's learning to think 'what would other people do?' and try to moderate his behaviour accordingly. The school is playing ball too, now that they have a diagnosis to work with and a plan from the psychologist.

[Smunder Woman]

Oh, I was already doing a PhD when they told me that The absolute twats.

[Zoomer]

Did you point out the inconsistencies in their approach?

[Little My]

Beena, that is outrageous. I'm so sorry you had that experience. It was not my university experience, which always felt like a positive environment. But I did not have any special requirements, and I'm now starting to feel slightly queasy at the thought of what R's experience will be. She's already thinking long-term because she's trying to get into a specialist arts program for high school next year, and she's keen to do uni in Scotland eventually.

Frankly this year has been eye opening for us, with her beyond shitty homeroom teacher that seems to get a thrill out of pulling the rug out from under her. (Removed all of her accommodations without discussion, and her mental health has taken quite a battering this year.) In general, he seems to get a kick out of stressing his students out.

[Jet]

My nephew, who's 10, has recently been diagnosed with Pathological Demand Avoidance which is on the Autism spectrum, and the diagnosis (and treatment) has changed his life. He's been 'hard work' since he was a baby, and school was really difficult for him. He's getting help from a psychologist now, and he's much happier - like a different boy. His mum had to go private, which is shameful, as life will be very difficult for children whose parents can't afford to pay for the sessions. He's bright, so whereas he doesn't have the same emotions as other people, he is able to understand that 'most people' feel annoyed when he insists on playing the same game over and over, or won't co-operate with anything. He wants to be liked, and genuinely doesn't mean to be difficult, so he's learning to think 'what would other people do?' and try to moderate his behaviour accordingly. The school is playing ball too, now that they have a diagnosis to work with and a plan from the psychologist.

That's really interesting. I've had people (not doctors or professionals, other parents) suggest L has oppositional defiance disorder. L has a better time if he's around people he wants to impress or if he has people he will mimic in behaviour. When he lacks that it goes awry but he's really not conscious of it until he gets bad feedback. But at the same time, he's done thing on impulse to actual good friends so it only works to a point. It's really hard to balance managing your own behaviour based on the expectations of others but also remembering you can change yourself to get the desired results from a relationship or situation but you don't need to change your entire self to please others. I don't remember if I said this here or not, but L told me the other day (a few weeks into meds) that he thinks he was just in his 'annoying phase' when he was 6 and now that he's 7 he's doing better. It's clearly the ritalin :lol: but I wanted to be careful in that conversation to be clear that there was nothing wrong with him when he was 6.

[Morganna]

Oh bless him.

Obviously I only see this at a distance. J is my sister's grandson, so my great nephew, and they live miles away. I only see him at family events and hear reports from my sister. All the same, it's clear that he is doing well - I can see the change in him (maybe more clearly than if I saw him every day), and was chatting to his mum at my J's wedding last week. She was saying how much easier he's becoming, and that she is starting to enjoy being a mum, which is so sad in one way, but good in the other. She has three boys, J (10) A (6) and a stepson S (also 10). Blending families at that age obviously has problems of its own, but it's been particularly tricky having another boy of the same age who is significantly less 'difficult'. Fortunately her partner is lovely, and is working with her to make things better for all of them. It can't be easy though.

From what I gather, the psychologist centres J, and talks about 'other people', rather than making him the 'other' in the situation. However they're handling it though, he does seem a lot happier. Previously he was always in trouble at home and at school, and constantly upset because he was being asked to do something he didn't want to do (or stop doing something he did). At one time he was obsessed with those unwrapping videos, where someone covers an item in plasticine and peels it off. Obsessed as in he would watch them for hours if he'd been allowed, and would get massively distressed when he was told to stop. They had to negotiate a time for them on the way back from school. 'It's Cubs tonight, so you can have 10 minutes on the iPad after tea, then you need to get ready' sort of thing. He would push for 15 mins, then settle for 13, and time it to the second. Anyone unfamiliar with the situation (or who just thought they were dealing in approximations) who tried to get him to stop after 12 mins and 30 seconds could trigger a meltdown, but nobody understood what was going on, which made it all really stressful. If he was left to play for 14 minutes he would get upset because it clearly wasn't necessary to restrict him to 13, so why insist on it?

Now that they do understand, and J is involved in the process, it's all a lot easier. He is starting to have friends over and it doesn't always end in tears. The older he gets, the more control he'll have over small things, and the more he will understand his own condition - or that is the hope anyway.

[Beena]

Ruby, how is SAM getting on?

Bambs starts uni in just over a month. This morning I had a full-blown 3am panic attack. I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, other than the hope someone can say 'do this and she'll be okay'.

I know she'll be fine once she's in a routine. I also know how bad it can get when she's not. I wish we had support in place while she's away, but she doesn't trust her NHS therapist enough to ask about testing. Without a diagnosis, she's another teen with high anxiety in an already overstretched system.

This last year, we've been steadying the boat while she works stuff out for herself and I really have made her work stuff out for herself. I've just got to trust it's enough, haven't I?

[Smunder Woman]

I think you possibly do, but it's much easier said than done! Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly. Sorry, that's not massively helpful.

I've just had an appointment with an NHS psychiatrist. Given past experiences, I was all ready to tell them I wasn't interested in a fight for a diagnosis again. She was lovely, told me it was nonsense to expect someone to go through another diagnosis when they could benefit from another psychiatrist having done it, will prescribe my meds, and review in 6 months. I'm almost certain she said they would fully take me on, so no private reviews etc anymore, but even the prescription is a big help

[Bat Macdui]

That's ace, Smun. I have NHS care for the meds now and it's a relief not to be facing a massive annual bill just to be like 'yeah, keep cranking out the prescription, ta'.

[Cosmopolitan]

That's absolutely amazing. I'm really looking forward to being under NHS care once I have a more stable prescription.

[Smunder Woman]

I'm very thankful that I can now request all prescriptions at once. Hurry for sensible, middle-aged, female psychiatrists :))

[Edith Bacon]

E got her diagnosis today: ADHD and ASD.

Her clinic doesn’t prescribe so I’ve fired off a message to Psychiatry UK, asking what they can do to help with medication. I think their waiting list is huge though.

If anyone knows of any private prescribers who accept diagnoses from other clinics, I’d be very much obliged if you could point me in the right direction.

[Little My]

Good luck with finding the medication.

Were you expecting that diagnosis?

[Edith Bacon]

Yes - E has been sure of it for ages and by the time I finished researching, I was certain too. The validation for E is such a relief and it means she can confidently ask for support and expect to receive it. To be fair, her school has been superb since we flagged our suspicions with them. It all feels more legitimate now though.

E is hanging a LOT of hope on medication so I hope she gets significant benefit from it when we find someone to treat her.