Simon Baron-Cohen can stuff right off

[Cerise]

Yes, I have school reports that all say I talk too much but manage to help others as well as getting my own work done. That is, until secondary school where the subjects I enjoyed have glowing reports and the subjects I didn’t like, not so much! :lol:

[Smunder Woman]

That sounds very much like mine :))

[Cosmopolitan]

And mine. Mine also have stuff like 'if Charlie just focused, she'd do a little better'

[Luce]

And mine, and very much like F’s too My favourite comment is “Lucy struggles to tolerate perceived injustice’ and I was all DING DING! :))

[Little My]

Oh yes, R is such a justice warrior!

I'm currently struggling with her medication. Last week she had a meltdown about how she couldn't get her homework done because her meds had worn off, and this week she's refusing to take meds because of the way they make her feel. Which is great timing, three weeks before finals. She has a dance performance coming up this week at school, and I suspect that's become the most important thing to her at the minute. Nothing else matters.

[Sky]

"Pamela has a lot of potential if only she'd concentrate more on her work and spend less time talking, distracting others, and staring out of the window". Pretty much how my report cards went from 1985-1996.

[Jet]

"Jet would be a good student if she wasn't constantly in a day dream"

Luce - the but your not like your sister stuff annoys me greatly because I have two of those children where one is significantly more challenging but it doesn't negate the struggles of the other one. It's been really interesting to me how different two people with identical diagnoses can be, the nature of the spectrum. L is more defiant and more H of the ADHD and while both are austismy to me, S is more so than L.

I was casually chatting with my mum today about something S had done (a big hyperfocus tracking note document related to a new show he is watching) and joked that Mr J said he's definitely my son and referenced something in a similar vein that I did when I was a child and my mum had no idea :lol: suffice to say I concluded I probably didn't advertise it because I knew it was weird!

[Smunder Woman]

Jet, your comment about the boys is interesting as Jack's psychologist said he's showing quite a bit of ADD (they still use separate terms here) and the thought here is that ADD and autism are very closely linked. There are some strange thoughts about ND here, they're very progressive in some ways and very behind in others, but that rang a bit true anyway.

[Luce]

Jet, that’s very interesting. I have a bullshit theory based on absolutely nothing that, in siblings, one gets the adhd, one gets the autism and there will be a bit of overlap inbetween :)) Me and L are two very different sides of the same coin and me being ‘the ok one’ is something I’m desperately trying to untangle in my counselling sessions.

[Luce]

"Pamela has a lot of potential if only she'd concentrate more on her work and spend less time talking, distracting others, and staring out of the window". Pretty much how my report cards went from 1985-1996.

I genuinely thought this was just a stock teacher phrase, surely ALL reports say this! :lol:

I will say though, I absolutely loved school. It was predictable, I had so many systems that I’d perfected, I knew exactly what was expected of me and felt very comfortable. Again, my sister was the polar opposite so she was the ‘difficult’ one. But few noticed the sleepless nights I’d have at 11 about how I was going to get through my GCSEs etc or what would happen to me if I couldn’t use my ‘weird drinking spoon’ when I left home in 10 years time etc etc. It was exhausting. I mean, still is :))

[Jet]

Jet, your comment about the boys is interesting as Jack's psychologist said he's showing quite a bit of ADD (they still use separate terms here) and the thought here is that ADD and autism are very closely linked. There are some strange thoughts about ND here, they're very progressive in some ways and very behind in others, but that rang a bit true anyway.

That's interesting. I don't really know what I'm talking about obviously but I just sort of watch them and bucket the stuff in my brain. L is super hyper, lots of stimming, especially if not medicated, I often used to worry he had ODD. But what I see as his autistic traits are more so social stuff - he's incredibly empathetic and in tune with feelings but there's a bit of a disconnect socially - I'm hoping some of it will shake out with maturity. Whereas S, while definitely very active at times, can be very calm/still if doing certain things. He's a rule follower, doesn't like to do things wrong, any non compliant behaviour is always carelessness rather than intentional. Some of his more autistic behaviours are things like sensory stuff (feels, touch, texture, sensitive to certain sound/noise - especially his brother's stimming (or in general!) :ella: ), and he's also quite routine based, very orderly (along with total ADHD no concept of time) - there's a lot in his brain and he cannot tell you any of it without every single lengthy detail (no ability to shorten, summarize, give a synopsis). He's also quite oblivious to things around him, doesn't follow instructions very well (unless they are routine things) - he's got friends, socially seems fine, but he's not in tune with people and feelings (almost the opposite of L).

Luce - I think I'm the ok one :lol: except I'm not. But I don't think anyone thought of my brother as not ok as much even though in retrospect his recent ADHD diagnosis is hardly shocking. If I had to pick he got the ADHD and I got the autism. But I do realistically think I have both. Some of what you describe makes me I was just telling my coworker/friend about my childhood anxiety when there was a period where I was convinced my family were doing to die and I was torn between always travelling in the car with my parents and the thought that if we all died because I'd insisted on going my brother would be the only one left. I also still have my favorite tweezers that have been in my life since I was a child - I bought my parents new ones when I left home so I could keep these. I get very upset if someone in my house moves them in case I have to buy new ones I'm 41! :)) Do you still have your spoon?

[Jet]

I was casually chatting with my mum today about something S had done (a big hyperfocus tracking note document related to a new show he is watching) and joked that Mr J said he's definitely my son and referenced something in a similar vein that I did when I was a child and my mum had no idea :lol: suffice to say I concluded I probably didn't advertise it because I knew it was weird!

I went to take a little video to show my mum his note document and he said no no! took the phone off me and proceeded to text me a PDF version of the whole thing that I could send her

[Cerise]

Well, Mum just rang to tell me she’s done the questionnaire and is posting it to me but that she’d “done my best but to be honest I think you were no different to any other kid”.

[Luce]

God that’s so predictable and unhelpful, Cerise. It’s exactly why I’m avoiding it so well done for pushing through!

[Cerise]

My assessment is tomorrow and I’m a bit anxious. I don’t really know what to expect and am probably going to cry but I’m also anxious about getting a diagnosis it not changing anything in my life. I’m not sure that I really make sense!

Please tell what difference diagnosis has made for you!

[Derek Nimmo]

This is tangential but I'd really recommend listening to the last 20 minutes or so of the latest Parenting Hell podcast. Rob Beckett talks about an assessment that he's just had for dyslexia - how he reacted (very emotionally) and why, why he thinks getting an adult diagnosis is important, how it's affected him his whole life etc. I think you'd find it interesting (and useful).

My ex found his diagnosis helpful as it gave him access to medication, and helped him understand and...well, if not accept then certainly help towards coming to terms with... exactly how differently his brain worked to the "norm".

I think anxiety is perfectly understandable, and hope it goes well.

[Smunder Woman]

I think the understanding myself is the biggest thing, particularly as it means I'm less hard on myself. It's not a magic cure, but it is life-changing (or was for me).

I hope it all goes well, and it's totally fine if you do cry. It's a massive thing, and they know that.

[Cosmopolitan]

I think a diagnosis was the first step in understanding why I am the wag I am and I stopped being so mean to myself. And also stopped trying to do some things in a totally neurotypical way. Both which have helped me achieve things I wanted and feel better about myself. I'm also loads better at understanding about stuff like burnout and the signs of it all so my life is much less stressful (mostly, sometimes).

And I have stopped feeling bad about not wanting to do things which make my sensory issues worse.

[Luce]

Good luck, Cerise. I hope it is as painless as possible and you get some lovely answers soon!

I’m slowly, slowly getting to the point of finally pushing the button on getting an assessment, purely because I just need to know. Funnily, the Rob Beckett thing this week is what might have pushed me over the edge. I know I don’t want medication, I just want to exhale in knowing if I am or if I not. So for me will be about resting. I hope it brings you some peace, either way!

[Jet]

I can totally understand all that and agree with what others have said. Not that I have a diagnosis but even the level of self diagnosis that I've got to has been helpful for me and like Luce I keep thinking about going to the next step but haven't done it yet. Being nicer to myself and generally a bit more self acceptance is huge - I used to think things like that I'd had some sort of trauma as a child that I didn't remember or that a childhood concussion (that I did not get medical attention for) was behind my being broken all this time. Also recognizing anxiety for the irrational thing it often is has been helpful.