Dementia again

[Disco]

I wondered if there might be a reason it has become so acute. It must be so hard for you Tex. I hope things can be eased a bit with the review and possible treatment.

[kiwi]

Such a silly question but is she drinking enough? Elderly people can tend towards confusion when dehydrated, which on top of dementia could cause a dive. (Sorry if I'm stating the bleedin' obvious here.)

[Texaco Shirley]

I have no idea, it’s possible she’s not drinking enough. The Carers are supposed to make sure she drinks while they’re there but I’m not 100% sure how often she’s seeing them. Dehydration has been mentioned as something to keep an eye on but the GP didn’t express any concerns on that score when he saw her for blood tests 2 weeks ago.

[Marth]

UTIs can cause delerium. I think they can be quite common, more or less as Kiwi said. Very treatable though.

[Texaco Shirley]

Yes. I thought they were doing a urine test as well as blood tests a couple of weeks ago but apparently not. Although if we’re talking sudden deterioration this might be more recent that that anyway.

[Beena]

Today was trickier. She sounded really down when I phoned and said it was all ridiculous and she wasn’t talking about it any more. It turned out “they hadn’t spoken to her all day and it was weird and silent”. I don’t know who she thought was there (apart from me).

Her link worker thinks this sudden delirium is likely related to an infection and is going to do a medical review with their nurse practitioner and call me back first thing.

My mum hears voices, Tex. Some days she loses herself completely to them and chatters away, oblivious to anyone else. Other days she has more control and will disappear upstairs or into the downstairs bathroom, if they overwhelm her. Sometimes they are silent.

She used to have imaginary conversations with me or my sister. Then her long-dead dad. Then a woman from her past that no-one can quite place. She argues a lot. Sometimes the voices tell her to do things she doesn't want to do and she becomes distressed.

Her nurse practitioner suggested infection, UTI, dehydration, etc., all of which came back clear and now my dad adds an antipsychotic to her morning coffee and that keeps things in check for a while. They up the dose each time she hits a crisis.

I hope that doesn't read too detached. I haven't seen the bookshelf analogy before, but it does make complete sense. We've found we instinctively react to mum on an emotional level. Truth and honesty are completely out of the window; it's whatever keeps her safe and happy. It's so difficult though.

[Texaco Shirley]

I don’t know whether she actually hears voices or whether she’s actually remembering something that actually happened 50 years ago, a bit of both I suspect. It is very hard.

[FiveO'Clock]

My grandmother's first and only time in the hospital was when she was 91 and became seriously dehydrated and developed a UTI. When she was dehydrated, she would become markedly more confused and delirious. After that, I requested her carers keep track of her fluids. I was there after work, every other day and at the weekends, and I didn't realize until she was seriously ill. I'm saying this to, hopefully, make you feel a bit better understanding that these things happen even if you're two miles away, as I was.

[Texaco Shirley]

That is reassuring 5, I do feel a bit helpless due to distance.

The link worker phoned to say they’d had their review. He’s contacted the GP to request a urine test and if that comes back clear they will probably recommend a repeat CT scan. I’ve also just spoken to someone at the private care agency I was recommended who seemed pretty on the ball. His wife is going to call me back later to arrange a meeting (family run company).

[Loralei]

Have you seen this report, Tex? Hopefully it will be available nationally soon, and might provide some peace of mind.

[Texaco Shirley]

That’s a good idea, thanks Lora. I was looking at GPS tag things but the issue is having to charge them every couple of days. It might be feasible once we get decent care in place but the bands look like a really good idea, so long as she can be persuaded to wear one!

[Texaco Shirley]

Today we’re back to not really knowing she’s at home. She thought she might have been to work yesterday but she’s not sure she made it. Today she’s wanting to go home again as the house she’s in is too big. She wasn’t sure about moving there when she went to see it a couple of days ago.

I wondered briefly whether we could take advantage of this sudden dislike to talk about moving again but she wants to go back not forwards.

[Zoomer]

I wondered briefly whether we could take advantage of this sudden dislike to talk about moving again but she wants to go back not forwards.

I know it's really hard, Tex, but you know that can't happen. You're going to have to decide for her fairly soon. She may or may not come around to what you decide, but I don't think you can take her input too much into consideration at this stage.
I'm sorry if that sounds really harsh; I have huge amounts of sympathy and empathy for you both.

[Texaco Shirley]

No I do know. I just had this brief moment of thinking she might not find it so bad if she’d decided she didn’t like her house any more.

[Edith Bacon]

This must be incredibly hard, Tex. I hope Mr Tex and the boys are taking care of you whilst you work things out for your mum.

[Lily]

I don't have anything to say of use Tex, but my heart goes out to you. I hope something is resolved for you and your mum very soon.

[Shoe]

It's so hard, Tex. We've had similar issues with S's gran. She's now in a dementia unit at a care home and doing well. Most visits she's quite perky, though hugely confused, but others she's been really upset over certain things. Two weeks ago she thought she'd been fired and was inconsolable (in her wee world she works in the home) whereas last week she was full of laughs and spent the full visit talking about all the sex that's been happening in the home. It's such a weird, unknown situation to be in. Sending you all lots of love and empathy. xx

[Texaco Shirley]

Thank all, the support is much appreciated.

My mum sounds quite similar to S’s gran in that she does seem to be quite cheerful most of the time, her neighbour often remarks on it. There is probably something to be said for not having a clue what’s going on in the world at the moment. When she is down it’s because she thinks there are people there who aren’t talking to her and much as she would resist the idea I wonder if being surrounded by real people in a care home would help with that.

[Shoe]

S's gran was adamant that she would never go into a home. In a way we were lucky, the pandemic hit while she was in hospital for something else and the decision was made to move her to a home without telling her it was permanent. There's been one incident near the start on a visit when she was lucid and realised where she was which was really tough on S, she said some awful stuff. But, other than that she seems so much happier. She's got company, the do loads of activities and the staff are lovely. It was definitely the best decision to go against her wishes, for everyone involved.

[kiwi]

We dreaded putting M's mum in a home, but it was ok really. I think she felt a bit more secure knowing there were people down the corridor from her 'new flat'. She certainly loves having them at her beck and call.