The Mock Turtle

My dad had one and my mum and SD have just had one fitted. They both lived in blocks of flats so they were inside, although my mum has one outside too. Hers is quite well shielded and you can't see it well, it's beside a downpipe which hides it. I think they are generally a good idea.

I’ve just spoken to them, they’re going to put it on the inside of the front wall so it’ll be low down rather than eye level and not visible from the street.

My neighbours have one tucked around the side due to having four children aged 11-18 and lots of forgotten keys!

My parents have one because of my brother being an idiot.

Most holiday homes I’ve stayed at have them too, often quite prominently. I don’t think they’re hugely risky items and the benefits outweigh it.

My mum’s neighbour just phoned to let me know she’d been in the front garden with a bunch of flowers. She said my Nan had given them to her. I have no idea where she got them but quite likely robbed off a grave. Gah.

Oh Tex, it's so tough for you. If it's any consolation these days we laugh about M's mum knocking on strangers doors asking for a sandwich, imagining the horror on their faces, but at the time it was terrifying wondering where she was and what she was up to.

I had a phone call from my mum’s neighbour today asking if she was staying with us as the carers hadn’t got any response morning or evening. I was just listening to the voicemail and starting to panic when they texted to say she was back. When I spoke to her she said she’d had a nice long walk with her brother which would be lovely if he hadn’t been dead for 21 years.

Oh dear Tex, it must be so worrying.

Oh Tex. It sounds so hard.

It's so shit Tex, again I know there's nothing anyone can say to make it better but you have all my sympathies.

Thank you all, it does help to be able to brain dump occasionally.

Oh Tex, how worrying, like Del says, there's nothing that can really help but know that we are all here for you.

Tex, I don't know what to say. It is so horrible. The only saving grace maybe is that she seems to be quite happy.

My mum this evening was very worried because my dad had gone out this morning and still wasn’t back. Someone (possibly me) might have gone with him. I had no idea what to say.

Texaco Shirley wrote: ↑Sat Nov 21, 2020 6:40 pm My mum this evening was very worried because my dad had gone out this morning and still wasn’t back. Someone (possibly me) might have gone with him. I had no idea what to say.

It's so hard, Tex. With my grandma I used to make non committal noises about how that must have bene stressful etc, and then try and distract to something else if she seemed a bit fixated on a subject (like waiting for her dad to come and get her)

We had some lovely Dementia training for carers where I used to work and I sat in on some sessions. One part really stuck with me. I'll try and find it.

Yes, we were advised not to disagree but do as Marth says, pacify and then change the subject.

Marth wrote: ↑Sat Nov 21, 2020 6:43 pm

Texaco Shirley wrote: ↑Sat Nov 21, 2020 6:40 pm My mum this evening was very worried because my dad had gone out this morning and still wasn’t back. Someone (possibly me) might have gone with him. I had no idea what to say.

It's so hard, Tex. With my grandma I used to make non committal noises about how that must have bene stressful etc, and then try and distract to something else if she seemed a bit fixated on a subject (like waiting for her dad to come and get her)

That’s my usual approach but I’m worried she might go out looking for him. On the other hand I didn’t want to tell her he was dead over the phone in case it came as a shock.

We had some lovely Dementia training for carers where I used to work and I sat in on some sessions. One part really stuck with me. I'll try and find it.

Thank you.

I’ve had dementia training and was told to agree and distract. So in that instance you tell them he told you he was going to x,y,z then talk about the weather or something.

It must be so hard and frightening at times Tex.

Texaco Shirley wrote: ↑Sat Nov 21, 2020 6:46 pm

Marth wrote: ↑Sat Nov 21, 2020 6:43 pm

Texaco Shirley wrote: ↑Sat Nov 21, 2020 6:40 pm My mum this evening was very worried because my dad had gone out this morning and still wasn’t back. Someone (possibly me) might have gone with him. I had no idea what to say.

It's so hard, Tex. With my grandma I used to make non committal noises about how that must have bene stressful etc, and then try and distract to something else if she seemed a bit fixated on a subject (like waiting for her dad to come and get her)

That’s my usual approach but I’m worried she might go out looking for him. On the other hand I didn’t want to tell her he was dead over the phone in case it came as a shock.

We had some lovely Dementia training for carers where I used to work and I sat in on some sessions. One part really stuck with me. I'll try and find it.

Thank you.

I do sympathise. It is so difficult knowing what to say. My grandma used to go out and look for her dad. She would pack all her things and wait for him. I would just say, "It's ok, he's be back, don't worry, he'll be back" , Sometimes it would work, but sometimes she would remain anxious.

My mum is starting to show signs and I feel nothing but overwhelming anxiety about it.

It's the bookcase analogy. This does go on a bit, but I found it quite comforting in a strange way, that it was ok to be in their world (obviously not practical all the time)

https://dementiapartnerships.com/resour ... e-analogy/

Also you are probably aware of the Alzheimer's Society but I think their website, helpline workers and forum is really good. The CEO was a right tosser....

I signpost a lot of carers there.