Covid-19

[Loralei]

I understand all of those thoughts, Smal, but I think you've stuck to both the letter and spirit of the rules throughout, even though you've found it extremely difficult and could definitely have justified a lapse in a couple of places if you'd really set your mind to it. I read a tweet from Nadiya Hussein yesterday (who I respect, not least for being measured and non judgemental, frequently in the face of provocation) that said something like, "I'm still staying in, regardles," and I felt massively judged on my way out for my sanctioned and much needed garden meet up with my friend. Of course that wasn't her message or intention, it is all about my desire to do the right thing for both myself and others while being conflicted about what that is, as the answer is different things from different perspectives, even in a single context.

And a bloody well done for getting the boys to socially distance. I saw my sister and nephews on my birthday and it was bloody hard even with the older ones.

[Roma]

Don’t feel guilty about any of this Smalex. I have not been going out and seen anyone but that’s my own fears about catching Corona.

However, I have also not been in a situation where I needed to make a tough decision. I’m sure if my employer needed me back at work I would go, even if terrified simply because I need to earn money. If a loved one was sick or really not coping to the point of me being really worried about them, I’m sure I’d try to see them taking risks for both of us into account.

I admit I had it relatively easy so far so I would never judge anyone for doing what feels right and necessary as long as it doesn’t harm the greater public.

My problem is only with people who assume that social distancing does not apply to them and do not understand that a lot of people are scared and worried about catching the virus.

[Marth]

Smal. It's not surprising you feel like like this. There has been so much policing by others which is intentional, and then there is purely innocent comments that make us feel judged.
I can't bear all the policing and the grassing and the judgements. I understand it because it's a really serious and often fatal illness, so I totally understand it, but a lot of the policing is so unpleasant and totally designed to shame people. I just keep reminding myself that the rules have really been followed really really well on the whole, and there never was a requirement for all of us to totally lock ourselves away. Most of us were required to undertake social distancing, not total isolation. I understand people isolating when the rules didn't require it, but that doesn't mean you have put anyone at risk at all. If anything it sounds like you have been brilliant, whilst being so upset for W.

[Morganna]

I think that outside of extremes, the way in which most people behave is because of their circumstances. I have stayed in, but I don't have to go to work, don't have children at home or a dog to walk, and I can get my shopping delivered easily enough. I am also lucky in that at least some of the things I enjoy doing (knitting, reading and writing) can all be done at home - in fact, on the whole they are rarely done elsewhere . If I had previously been an avid rock climber or someone who enjoys shopping in actual shops, it would have been much more difficult. Also, I have enough space to be comfortable. Mr M and I rub along fine, but there are enough rooms for us to be able to spend time apart if we want to. If we shared a small flat, or had children under our feet I'm sure I would feel different. Yes, everyone is having to not do things they would like to do, but nobody can do them, whether they would if they had the chance or not. The places where we would all like to go (whatever they are) are closed, so those sacrifices are equally spread, and will be for a long time to come.

It isn't for anyone to judge others, which is the thing that has annoyed me since this started. The judging is bad enough, but the sanctimony is just horrible. Everything is prefaced with a buzzword - I went for a 'socially distant coffee', or when I was out for my 'daily exercise'. People seem to feel the need to explain themselves, which makes others feel answerable too. Which we aren't. Unless you (generic) are being totally cavalier about everything, which I am absolutely sure you aren't, smal, all you can do is what is right for you.

[Lily]

Smal. It's not surprising you feel like like this. There has been so much policing by others which is intentional, and then there is purely innocent comments that make us feel judged.
I can't bear all the policing and the grassing and the judgements. I understand it because it's a really serious and often fatal illness, so I totally understand it, but a lot of the policing is so unpleasant and totally designed to shame people. I just keep reminding myself that the rules have really been followed really really well on the whole, and there never was a requirement for all of us to totally lock ourselves away. Most of us were required to undertake social distancing, not total isolation. I understand people isolating when the rules didn't require it, but that doesn't mean you have put anyone at risk at all. If anything it sounds like you have been brilliant, whilst being so upset for W.

I wish you were in charge of the country, Marth.

[rosy]

I’m staying in because I’m terrified for my own health as I have no immune system; it’s not a judgement on anyone else. I think we all have to find our own way through this bloody awful crisis. And it’s easy for me because my kids are adults and my grandson has a half-sibling to play with, and can go between his mum’s house and his dad’s house. I’m very sorry if you thought I was being holier than thou, smal; that’s not it at all. I get irritated at my neighbour who is supposed to be shielded but is taking the piss most days, but that’s her business.

I don’t think anyone here is doing anything for which they need to feel guilty, we’re all doing what we can and what is right for our own mental and physical health and that of our children & partners & pets & family & friends (delete as applicable).

[Marth]

Smal. It's not surprising you feel like like this. There has been so much policing by others which is intentional, and then there is purely innocent comments that make us feel judged.
I can't bear all the policing and the grassing and the judgements. I understand it because it's a really serious and often fatal illness, so I totally understand it, but a lot of the policing is so unpleasant and totally designed to shame people. I just keep reminding myself that the rules have really been followed really really well on the whole, and there never was a requirement for all of us to totally lock ourselves away. Most of us were required to undertake social distancing, not total isolation. I understand people isolating when the rules didn't require it, but that doesn't mean you have put anyone at risk at all. If anything it sounds like you have been brilliant, whilst being so upset for W.

I wish you were in charge of the country, Marth.

Haha me! I am a complete dick. I swing between being like some massively over liberal free everything hippy and Pol Pot (depending on how hungry I am) .

[Lily]

I think that might be a happy medium for most of us!

[Marth]

It's hard isn't it. People do need to do what they need to do and we all need to protect each other, esp those more vulnerable. It must feel hard for those told to keep isolating while things open up. On the whole it has been a collective experience and there is comfort in that. It is bloody scary and so weird though isn't it. All this.

[Lily]

Some of my older friends (70s+) are certainly isolating *less*. M, one of them who has had some lung problems, says that if this is his life for the forseeable, he'd rather get the virus and get it over with because it's no life for him staying in and not seeing his loved ones. I totally get that.

[smalex]

Honestly, you're all so kind. I genuinely didn't post to get anyone to justify my own behaviour for me, or to try and make anyone feel bad for having said they prefer to stay at home. It's just not been a very good few days and I feel quite overwrought. I'm very anxious about next week and doing visits again, I think, in part.


I do have a couple of very sanctimonious friends irl, who both now break the rules/ take advantage of the situation lifting very quickly and it has really really bothered and upset me throughout. I could deal with them breaking the rules, I could deal with them being sanctimonious. But both makes me want to explode.

I really dislike that everyone- very much including me- seems to need to preface everything with 'socially distant ' whatever, too, Morgs. I'm going to try to stop doing it.

[rosy]

It's hard isn't it. People do need to do what they need to do and we all need to protect each other, esp those more vulnerable. It must feel hard for those told to keep isolating while things open up. On the whole it has been a collective experience and there is comfort in that. It is bloody scary and so weird though isn't it. All this.

In thirty years or so it’ll start to be a whole chapter in history books, which seems strange. I mean, if we were living through a war and dodging bombs we’d probably expect it to be history, but we’re just mostly staying at home and ordering stuff online.

[Marth]

Some of my older friends (70s+) are certainly isolating *less*. M, one of them who has had some lung problems, says that if this is his life for the forseeable, he'd rather get the virus and get it over with because it's no life for him staying in and not seeing his loved ones. I totally get that.

I don't blame them. Over 70s didn't have to isolate, just socially distance like the rest of us. The confusion around the messaging and the rules has driven me mad. I'm almost obbessive about it.

[Lily]

I posted on a FB thread of a lovely takeaway about doing a "socially distant" lunch with a friend. You have inspired me to go and edit it. I'll do what I know is right and I am uninterested if anyone wants to start jumping up and down about it.

[Marth]

It's hard isn't it. People do need to do what they need to do and we all need to protect each other, esp those more vulnerable. It must feel hard for those told to keep isolating while things open up. On the whole it has been a collective experience and there is comfort in that. It is bloody scary and so weird though isn't it. All this.

In thirty years or so it’ll start to be a whole chapter in history books, which seems strange. I mean, if we were living through a war and dodging bombs we’d probably expect it to be history, but we’re just mostly staying at home and ordering stuff online.

I've started buying papers and Private Eye to keep for people in the future. I think that those out working will have such a different experience of this, as will those of us who have had to totally isolate, like you.
Experiences around the world will also show us the huge inequality.
For me it's been ordering more things online and having a lonely grizzle whilst doing keep fit badly in front of the tele, and moaning about work.

[Lily]

Agreed. I'm so embarrassed to admit I've been signed off with work related stress when I haven't been into the office for 2.5 months!

[Loralei]

Honestly, you're all so kind. I genuinely didn't post to get anyone to justify my own behaviour for me, or to try and make anyone feel bad for having said they prefer to stay at home. It's just not been a very good few days and I feel quite overwrought. I'm very anxious about next week and doing visits again, I think, in part.

I wasn't blowing smoke up your arse. I genuinely think you've held the line well with very difficult circumstances regarding W being isolated, the nature of your job, how close you are to your sister etc.

I really dislike that everyone- very much including me- seems to need to preface everything with 'socially distant ' whatever, too, Morgs. I'm going to try to stop doing it.

You're right Although I feel like Wendy described when she felt everyone went if she mentioned a vegan Magnum (for eg) but if she just said Magnum people asked if she was no longer vegan. Except I don't worry about people asking, I fear they won't ask and will just assume I've been licking everyone in the vicinity.

[Marth]

Agreed. I'm so embarrassed to admit I've been signed off with work related stress when I haven't been into the office for 2.5 months!

A few times I've felt like I wasn't coping with work at all, and was totally nearly having panic attacks at the start of this, so I totally get how you could be signed off with stress arm. Take care xxx

[Lily]

Thank you. It's all down to one individual which infuriates me as honestly apart from him and that I am not having a hard time compared to most people.Which then also embarrasses me.

[Marth]

I think most of work stress is down to an actual person, rather than the actual job if that makes sense.