The Mock Turtle

The work stress is different when working from home, it doesn't go away. I took a random afternoon off on Friday as it was all on my last nerve.

You're right about the different experience, Marth. I can't imagine what still going out to work has been like for people.

As a sanctimonius stayer inner ;) I cannot fathom for a minute what you could possibly have to berate yourself about Smal, although I understand why you do because I think we all feel like we can't do right for doing wrong at some points, whatever choices we make (I get it in the neck for offensively staying in when I may have already had CV for example, though I can't see quite how that's hurting anyone). Which is in part a consequence of vague and muddled leadership and instructions, we're all having to figure it out for ourselves to some degree. Everyone's situation is so different, both in logistical, practical terms (your household, your job) and in psychological terms (how you are with risk, how you are with change, whether you expect bad things to happen to you or not), not to mention how your medical history impacts on you, pragmatically or psychologically, and a million other things.

My next door but one neighbours have one of their children and grandchild over today and that's officially verboten but it's SO lovely to hear them sounding so happy, and him getting told to drink some water which means he's started on the celebratory rum. It's made me a bit emotional (I am fond of them), rather than prompted me to write a strongly worded letter to the local paper. I'd hope even sanctimonious stayer inners have some ability to empathise.

Turtle Bean wrote: you're right about the different experience, Marth. I can't imagine what still going out to work has been like for people.

Last week, N had to collect a mother and newborn from a hospital in her county and drive them, all their equipment and the mother’s dog to a placement in a different county about two hours away but as they had to stop every half an hour for feeds, changes and dog care it took most of her day. That’s a fairly big thing in normal times but the logistics of it right now with cleaning everything and social distancing would defeat me, I think. And! The hire car was too small as they gave her the wrong one so they were packed up to the eyebrows.

Also, I think that this is pretty much the first time that we have been collectively at the mercy of an outside force that is entirely beyond our control. We aren't used to things like famine or pestilence (don't talk to me about floods ) or even war, that people in other parts of the world have to deal with as a matter of course.

It has come as a massive shock, not just because it is frightening, but because everything that underpins our society has changed. We aren't safe any more. Money shields us if we have enough to stay at home/eat well/be comfortable etc, but it won't help if we get ill. More and more people will need state assistance, so attitudes to benefits will have to change. Ditto mental health. Socialising and culture will change radically. We will start to value different groups of people and different skills, so some of the old ones will lose status, as will many of the trappings of wealth and so on that are only important if others can see them. Everything is changing, and change is deeply unsettling, as is knowing that there is something out there that might kill us.

I am not remotely religious or superstitious, but I still find myself saying 'Be safe' to delivery men and signing off on emails, which I never did before. It's like a spell, or a prayer (as, I suppose, was Goodbye, in its original form). This bloody thing is fundamental, and it would be strange if we weren't all affected by it one way or another.

I think we all need to give ourselves a break. It's difficult enough trying not to kill other people without guilt-tripping ourselves for just trying to get through the night.

Actually Smal, what I meant to say but somehow derailed myself, was that I think many of us (who have a choice) are essentially coming to this from a standpoint of instinct - do I want to go out? do I want to stay in? - and seek out corroborating information to back up what we want to do. I think you've been particularly strong in being much more rational than this and clearly assessing your own risks and needs logically. I think that's something to be proud of.

Mountain Goat wrote: ↑Sat May 30, 2020 7:45 pm As a sanctimonius stayer inner ;) I cannot fathom for a minute what you could possibly have to berate yourself about Smal, although I understand why you do because I think we all feel like we can't do right for doing wrong at some points, whatever choices we make (I get it in the neck for offensively staying in when I may have already had CV for example, though I can't see quite how that's hurting anyone). Which is in part a consequence of vague and muddled leadership and instructions,

I think, because I do understand that we all have responsibility in our actions for one another, when it comes to this, and because when I ask myself if I trust the Government- I do not- so then I ask myself why I am going along with what they say I can do. But OTOH I get lost in an endless sea of trying to balance my situation- whether that's my fucked business/job/income, the wellbeing of my child, myself, my immediate family, with the greater 'good ' (what does that even mean, is it prioritising saving lives immediately, is it saving jobs and the many other aspects of well being which will probably affect far more people in the long run, is it our responsibilities to people who are going to suffer in the longer term- disadvantaged people here or in developing nations), and if I opt not to follow government advice then what am I following? How will I define what I think it appropriate?
I can't tell you how many hours I've turned these things over in my mind. The only definitive conclusions I seem to be able to come up with is: I wish we had a different government so we weren't living this reality, but I'm not going to get a Nobel prize for this incredible insight .

I've just seen a post on Facebook about things going back to normalish saying, "I'll do me and you do you," all about how everyone basically has very different thoughts, fears, needs, expectations etc and each of us can only do our best and be respectful of that.

I think everything you describe sounds perfectly respectful of the rules whilst also being realistic about the risks and protecting your health, the health of your family and others and your income.

I feel very similar to you Smal, and I think we've had a similar approach throughout this time. I know a few sanctimonious stay-iners (not here!) and one of my bugbears about them is the lack of awareness of their own privilege eg moaning about people in parks when they have a large garden, judging people at shops when they can afford deliveries from chi-chi food companies.

smal - I'm not trying to teach you to suck eggs, as I know you know your business well, but why do you think it will be fucked? More and more people will be staying indoors more than usual - even those who aren't isolating - and nobody will be going on holiday for a while. People are saving money by wfh, by saving on transport lunches, work clothes, coffees etc.

Yes, people will lose jobs, but there will be new ones (and I know I keep banging on about it, but there will have to be a new, fairer way of running the economy, or there will be riots). I would have thought that people would be looking at home improvements to make staying in more bearable, and will have some spare cash to do it.

Sadly, I don't have enough spare cash for structural improvements, but I am eyeing up decorating jobs and things like that which I either wouldn't really notice or would live with if things were different, as I'd rather spend money on going out if I had a choice. I don't though, and nor does anyone else, so I'm sure a lot of people will be thinking the same.

Marth wrote: ↑Sat May 30, 2020 6:17 pm Smal. It's not surprising you feel like like this. There has been so much policing by others which is intentional, and then there is purely innocent comments that make us feel judged.
I can't bear all the policing and the grassing and the judgements. I understand it because it's a really serious and often fatal illness, so I totally understand it, but a lot of the policing is so unpleasant and totally designed to shame people. I just keep reminding myself that the rules have really been followed really really well on the whole, and there never was a requirement for all of us to totally lock ourselves away. Most of us were required to undertake social distancing, not total isolation. I understand people isolating when the rules didn't require it, but that doesn't mean you have put anyone at risk at all. If anything it sounds like you have been brilliant, whilst being so upset for W.

I started typing a load of shit, none of which was as good as this so I'd just like to sign my name to this excellent post.

Probably because I'm always a bit pessimistic! Most people are going to spend at least 30-40k and a lot of people aren't going to do that if there is recession in the air. The level of enquiries had already been savaged by anything between 25-75% per month since things got serious with Brexit (I could show you a graph...I won't!) I was so over subscribed before, I was able to ride that out, but theres no slack now. About 10% of my income annually also came from the wedding venue projects and they'll be lucky to survive at all, theres absolutely no chance I'll get any income from them for at least 12 months.

There'll be plenty of people in far worse positions than me, I know that. But I don't feel confident at all.

This is no consolation, Smal but my business is totally fucked too. I can't see a single client returning and can see no real way of finding more for a very long time. Financially we'll get by but that was the first time I've ever felt like I had something to be ambitious for.

It is gutting. I tell myself its just a job, but it isn't. I'm sorry for you. I hope something does come along. What I have learnt is that doors open and close when and where you least expect, it's just hard to see many opening right now!

But once again, I'm unlikely to be the worst affected, by country mile.

It isn't just a job. You've both put so much into your businesses.

Nobody knows what the future holds, all we can do is hope for the best for you both and us all xxx

Mountain Goat wrote: ↑Sat May 30, 2020 7:45 pm
My next door but one neighbours have one of their children and grandchild over today and that's officially verboten but it's SO lovely to hear them sounding so happy, and him getting told to drink some water which means he's started on the celebratory rum. It's made me a bit emotional (I am fond of them), rather than prompted me to write a strongly worded letter to the local paper. I'd hope even sanctimonious stayer inners have some ability to empathise.

That's lovely to read Goat and I quite agree.

Just because other people have it harder, doesn't mean you can't be sad about the loss/threat of loss of business. I know how hard my mum and brother have worked to build up their pub, and I really worry about how they will reopen safely and how they will fare in the long term. In a recession, socialising is an easy thing to cut back on.

It must be such a worry. Between that and the perception/reality that it won't safe. I hope they'll be ok. Plenty won't though, I know.

Scientists speak out against the government.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... scientists

I’ve just been reading today’s R29 money diary, which is set in Singapore, and I thought this bit was interesting. She’s going to the mall to get takeaway food for lunch.

I’m sorry about your businesses. Smal and Lucy. It’s really shit.