Couples paying less than singles

[Rebel Pebble]

Apart from a stuffed toy at birth or something, I have never bought anything for friends' children and neither has Mr R. And no close relatives with kids so that solves the plastic tat question for us!!

We've whittled down gift giving amongst friends to major birthdays now. It's all just cards otherwise which is fine by me.

[Shoe]

I would rather provide wine, that surely is more useful to a parent than a plastic trumpet?

[Livilla]

I buy presents for my god child, nephew and niece, and children whose parties my two are invited to. That's it. Apart from newborns, and I think I'm probably out of that phase now.

I despair at the amount that lands in our house after each birthday/Chrstmas as it is, the last thing I'd be doing is soliciting more of the stuff. I honestly think inviting the whole school class to a party, and getting 29 presents in return is the worst idea ever.

[Mrs Danvers]

I also buy presents for the children of my very close friends though this year a couple of them said please don't as they get enough which was fine. In fact one specifically said, let's buy each other wine when you come over (she lives in Dublin) instead and I was well on board with that . It can get really ridiculously expensive if you have lots of friends with kids which is why I just don't as I know about 30 kids now as so many friends have sprogged. I buy for my youngest niece and nephew and my brother and his wife buy something joint for me and Mr M. In general Mr M buys for his family from us and I buy for mine. None of us or any of our friends or family do joint presents, thankfully.

[Korill]

When SIL had her son we stopped sending her gifts at Christmas and now just send him one. But BIL and his wife didn't have kids, so we would send them a present as they bought for my children. Now BIL has a daughter we buy for just her.

[Korill]

I buy gifts for the birth of friends' babies, and if we are invited to the birthday party, but not Christmas.

[Tess]

So yes, what everyone else says. Christmas/birthday from me goes to 2 siblings, one SIL, 3 nephews, 2 Godchildren and 1 brother thereof, with just Christmas to 2 brothers of Godchild 1. I receive from B2 & SIL. But that's the crumbled cookie.

It definitely depends on relationship and ability to pay though. And it's a present - neither an obligation nor a competition.

[nineseven]

I buy smallish presents for my brother, SIL and two nephews, and they buy me one big one in return. This is good.

[Sarlat]

A while back my sister (4 kids) told me (single at the time) I should just buy for the kids & she'd buy for me, but that felt wrong so I carried on buying presents for all of them. My niece is about to turn 21, I'm not sure if I should stop with the presents soon (I think my aunt & uncle stopped at 18). But it would be odd at xmas if she was the only one not getting anything. Anyway, it's my dad's 70th soon & my sister & I have split the gift 50:50 even though she is now single & I'm married. It was almost certainly the opposite way round for his 60th . But I'm responsible for my family's gifts & Mr S for his. We do add the other person's name though.
I don't buy for other people's children (apart from newborns), I'd be bankrupt!

[Montana]

Sarlat has just raised the point that I was going to - if you have bought for kids all their lives, at what age is it acceptable to stop? I had originally thought at 18 but with one friend's daughter who is at university and will be 21 in March, when I tentatively tested the water on this, I got the sense that it is still expected (more by the mother than the child).

[Ella77]

I don't chip in for parental gifts S has organised with his siblings- those are from them, not partners etc. I split normal gifts for his parents/siblings 50:50 with him and does the same with my lot. We tend to be the losers financially when it comes to exchanging gifts with our family members but we don't really care as we'd both sooner not bother at all (except for nieces and nephews, which I think is important).

[Morganna]

I now buy for adults/children as I see fit, as I don't really know many people with young children, other than my lovely nieces' babies; but in the past, it sometimes felt awkward. I had my children in my 30s, after 10-ish years of buying birthday, Christmas, christening presents etc for children of friends/family who had sprogged earlier, as well as the friends themselves, who would buy gifts for me.

This was fine; but after a couple of years of mine being born, so many parents decided that they were only going to buy for the children that it really did look like a bit of a fix.

I'm not at all about transactional presents; but I wouldn't have accepted presents for my adult self for ten years, and then pulled out of buying for adults when one of my mates started a family.

Another similar dilemma - when mixed groups go to the pub (as in couples and singles) who pays for the rounds? In one of my groups of friends there is a couple who always buy a collective round, so that singles (including me, as this group doesn't often involve Mr M) end up buying each, and the couple buy as a couple. It is a bit annoying, and I know that at least one single person is much less able to afford the rounds than the couple - actually, much less able to afford it than either of the people in the couple.

[Loralei]

Rounds is completely different and clear cut. Buy the tight bastards a drink between them. Bloody cheek.

[Starry]

I never get into rounds. Last time I did, I was drinking whiskey, they were drinking pints and I had a very slurred conversation with S's friend about how *lovely* a certain singer the friend was working with was. LOVELY.

I think on that occasion there was a pot, but the details are fuzzy.

I buy S's sister a present from E for birthdays/Christmas because she gets well and truly shafted on gifts. Every year, there are more people for her to buy for.

[Korill]

I love rounds. They don't do them here so you have multiple trips up to the bar, it is beyond irritating. I do get quite shittered doing rounds, and in the foreign I usually have to give the bartender a list on paper because my accent gets a little thick after I have had a couple, but it's all good.

[Ella77]

Rounds is completely different and clear cut. Buy the tight bastards a drink between them. Bloody cheek.

Absolutely.

[smalex]

How can they not see how completely unfair that is? They're getting 2 for 1 drinks.

[nineseven]

Rounds is completely different and clear cut. Buy the tight bastards a drink between them. Bloody cheek.

Absolutely.

I have never come across couples doing this but I can't imagine why anyone would let them! Surely they'd be laughed out the pub.

[Betty Bee]

Sarlat has just raised the point that I was going to - if you have bought for kids all their lives, at what age is it acceptable to stop? I had originally thought at 18 but with one friend's daughter who is at university and will be 21 in March, when I tentatively tested the water on this, I got the sense that it is still expected (more by the mother than the child).

Mr B's nephews are 19, 17 and 17 (twins). We decided that substantial gifts stop at 18, but he did get the eldest a box of beer as a token gift this year. The twins got a gift as usual. I suppose it might depend on the circumstances though, the eldest and one twin both work full time and the other twin has decided to quit college and work too. They all live at home. If they were all in full time education maybe the gifts would go on a bit longer.

I've never heard of couples sharing a round, cheeky gits.

[Shoe]

I concur, if you're in a couple you buy two rounds, always. Unless you are only out with other couples and then I suppose you could buy one round per couple and then start over again (meaning in the end you end up buying two anyway, unless thereare loads of couple or you're only having a few) but in a mixed group you always buy a round per person otherwise you're just being rude and greedy.