Ken, I sat with a woman this morning as she cried because everything in her life was fine and then she decided to have a baby and now everything is really hard. Obviously a lot of this is because her baby's in NICU, but a lot of it was guilt at not feeling 100% ecstatic about her new baby and harbouring fantasies of running away. She was so relieved when I was unfazed and told her everyone in the room had probably felt exactly the same. For most people it's a huge shock when their first baby arrives, and I am convinced more people get the "what the fuck have we done?" moments than don't. And that's when they have met their baby, and none of them would send it back.
![grin :))](./images/smilies/xiggrin.gif)
When you have a difficult pregnancy it makes sense that those feelings hit you earlier.
Don't worry about P; he's a good egg and is probably also a bit shocked at how difficult it is for you. I'm sure he doesn't remotely hate coming home but just wishes he could make things better. I like to declare publicly, in front of my P, that I didn't really suffer mood swings during pregnancy, just to watch him wrestle with whether it's worse to let such an outrageous lie go unchallenged or to poke that particular bear again.
I was out with a twin-mum friend on Sunday and she gets so angry about how negative people are when they hear you're (one is) having twins. Of course it will be difficult at the beginning, but so is getting a PhD and eating your body weight in pizza on a weekly basis while staying slim (
![irked :lg:](./images/smilies/irked.gif)
). You have totally got this, and I'm glad you have Scooter here to point out the benefits, too.