Consultancy/freelance work

[FiveO'Clock]

I second what Sally said. No one you love would be OK without you, especially Roscoe. I'm sorry your granny let you down. I wish I could help, I don't know anything about benefits that may be available to you. It's very isolating when you live alone and aren't going into a place of work so everything can seem overwhelming. Have you been able to talk with your brother about it?

[Lola]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down right now. Please reach out to your parents & brother & ask them to help you through it x

[Jupiter]

I'm so sorry, Lily. Please don't think anyone would be OK without you. Especially Roscoe. He needs you.

Are there any temp roles you could apply for to tide you over? Then you could look for something permanent? It's so much easier to look for a new job when you are in one.

[Luce]

Ok you’ve lost hope and who on earth could blame you. So that means you’ve just got to keep getting through each day without hope for a while. You can do that. You can just wait it out until it comes back which it will. But if you’re not here, you’ll never get to see it so you’ve just got to keep going. One minute at a time if that is what it takes.

Move back in with your parents. Sell everything you own and take Roscoe on an adventure. Write and write and write. But you do have to stick this out because nothing is permanent, even this situation. You need to be around for it to get better, you’ll have to force some blind faith in that, even if you fake it till you make it.

[Lily]

Thank you all x I'm sorry for it sounding so final, it's just utter despair. Faith is the worst thing because I had it but I feel so stupid. If God couldn't rescue people from Auschwitz he's not likely to manifest a job for someone is he?

I'm still alive. I just went to sleep and got woken up by Someone needing a poo (not me) I will reply properly tomorrow x

[Luna]

Oh Lily. This is heartbreaking. Please consider living with other people. I was the same age as you when I decided to let my house out and went to live with my friend and her kids. It was the best thing I ever did. Instead of panicking about money for the mortgage, I had rent money coming in and some to spare. I found another job once I’d equalised. There’s always another option. Please talk to your parents about living with them. Or with a friend if that’s possible x

[Kenickie]

Oh Lily. Things are really really shit right now and I can see why you've lost hope. Luce is right about just getting through this bit, by doing whatever it takes. You are hugely loved and valued by so many people (and at least one dog). You might not be able to see it right now, but you really are.

[Kenickie]

Oh and no, God can't manifest you a job right now, but he can help you with the strength and courage to keep on keeping on.

[Lily]

Maybe I've been asking him for the wrong stuff. I drove to choir last night, sat in the church car park and cried and then went home. I felt like Damien not being able to go into a church. That's almost the worst thing. I feel so isolated.

I had this message from my mum this morning.

Please try not to take the Granny situation personally; I think family life must have been very difficult for them all. I suspect she had a dream of uniting her family in some way and perhaps even resented us in a bizarre way for having what she’d always lacked. Not being able to adopt her nephew was a big thing for both of them; blood is also murkier than water. But she certainly loved you very much; I think the will was written a long time ago and perhaps she would have changed it if her health had been better and her thinking less clouded. You deserve better. Dad and I have always known there’d be nothing and yes it’s very unfair but we can feel proud that we still did our best for her despite that.
We love you so much and are always hugely proud of you. Anything we can do to help please ask, it will be done. Our fondest love always xx xx xx

I would still rather be me and in the situation I am in because of the family and friends I have, and my little dog. I need to hold onto that.

The choir chap has suggested pausing my membership and wants to meet me for a chat next week and my best friend is taking me out to lunch today. And I keep rereading your posts on here. They do help honestly. Thank you.

If I rent my place out what do I do, put everything in storage? Or would some people want a furnished place?

[Disco]

Oh Lily. You sound a bit better. Please re-read and re-read as much as possible that lovely message from your mum and those from your friends.

Absolutely people might want a furnished place but be prepared for not, or partial.

[FiveO'Clock]

Your mom

[Luna]

I’ve just looked at your new website and it’s brilliant, the love and caring for your family and friends shines out. You are very clever. And don’t forget it.

[Kenickie]

I'm glad you're sounding a little more positive. I hope time with your friend helps.

[Lily]

Thank you all

Unfortunately I've fucked up my CV. People were telling me that it would look like I hadn't worked in months so I should put the theatre on there and now a friend high up in a company says I should take it off as employers would be put off by part time work and I've got to try and pull it off all the applications I've sent (in the last few weeks). Now I look at it clearly I can see she's right. I'm having a complete panic attack having so royally fucked myself for the nth time. I know companies use AI to go through applications rather than actual human beings and that is going to fuck me too. I'm sorry to say fuck so much but.

I didn't go to church today, I haven't got any appetite, I'm like the Temu King Midas, everything I touch turns to crap, I can't even keep plants alive. At least with depression you know medication will help. This is not solvable by anyone or anything but me and my track record is not impressive ha ha

[sally maclennane]

Lily, you have not fucked up, you have been unlucky. Really unlucky. Please stop taking all the blame for this. From what I can see, the job market is pretty rough at the moment, so some of this is just timing.

Re your CV, I'm not sure that part time work would put an employer off but the thing to remember is that all advice is pretty much just people's opinions. I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I've noticed before that you set a lot of store by the views of other people who you perceive to be more successful than you. I'm not saying don't ask for help but successful people are often just luckier than you, rather than innately better than you.

[Lily]

I've screwed up on LinkedIn as well going premium, trying to put in the Norwich job but it half replaced my old job with that one so I had to amend it, first of all I got messages of congratulations on having a new job and then people messaging asking if I'd gone back to my old job as I had to put it right which has notified The World.

And my "non slip" loo seat is slipping. I can't even do that right!!!!

[Lily]

Lily, you have not fucked up, you have been unlucky. Really unlucky. Please stop taking all the blame for this. From what I can see, the job market is pretty rough at the moment, so some of this is just timing.

Re your CV, I'm not sure that part time work would put an employer off but the thing to remember is that all advice is pretty much just people's opinions. I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I've noticed before that you set a lot of store by the views of other people who you perceive to be more successful than you. I'm not saying don't ask for help but successful people are often just luckier than you, rather than innately better than you.

Sorry we cross posted. Thank you for this. Yes I do because they tend to be right... That's where they get where they are... I wouldn't say my friends who are very successful are better than me in certain ways but they are a lot in other ways. But then without being boastful I'm "better" than them in some ways. They say that themselves. It's just those ways aren't particularly useful to anyone. :))

[Lily]

My friend wants to take me around town on Monday and visit companies and agencies personally which might help.

I need to drop my salary expectation as well and then get a bar job or something in the evening.

I'm going to look at spare room as well about renting my room out, to someone who is never there or who is dead, that would be ideal.

[Disco]

Lily, please this is painful to watch. Stop saying all of this tuff to yourself, it's just horrible. As unfortunuate as this all is - and I do understand why you are so panicked but - this isn't your fault at all. People fall on hard times. Crap things happen to nice people. It's really hard at the moment and you are having a very hard time but please try not to make it a self fulfilling prophecy. You will get through this time and this isn't a punishment for something you've done. It's just tough times for everyone. Some more than others. x

[baargain]

Do try and get back to church and choir if you can. Staying away from the things you enjoy and the people you care about will make you feel worse in the long run.