Simon Baron-Cohen can stuff right off

[Smunder Woman]

Well, yes, but you don't get a diagnosis by telling them how marvellous you are. The purpose of it is to point out that it's not all about surface appearances :)) It's for other people's understanding, and ease of explanation.

[Skips]

So many of those things are issues I suffer with, and reading back my school reports some were things I suffered with as a teenager (inability to focus, fidgeting, financial problems, problems keeping a job to name a few). But then I think I'm just making excuses. I did think about speaking to someone privately a few years ago, but couldn't decide if it's worth it (and therefore did nothing).

[Smunder Woman]

Yeah, this is where I found it useful. It helped me see that they were "real" issues, and not just me being lazy/rubbish. There's plenty on there that don't apply to me, but that's good to recognise too - it's not one size fits all. While I totally get your point, Viggy, it can be counterproductive thinking about the positives when you're really struggling. There's a lot of stigma about neurodivergence, and a lot of toxic positivity about embracing yourself for who you are, but it's actually very helpful having others recognise the bits you find hard (not to mention recognising them yourself, and moving away from beating yourself up). Recognising the hard bits doesn't mean you don't recognise the positives, it means you can get into a place where you can help yourself and access help and support you need.

The reason why I posted it for Dutchie, and am pursuing the diagnosis for my Joe, is that being told to focus on the positives led to decades of anxiety and depression because of not knowing what was going on, and how to manage it.

The diagnosis was absolutely worth it for me, but may not be for everyone. It's a very individual thing.

[Dutchie]

You might have seen this already but, just in case, it's very useful :))

Thanks so much for the iceberg, which I had never seen before! Quite eye-opening to see how many of those things apply to my Joe...and to Neil

Parallel to Joe's AD(H)D assessment, we're in the middle of a programme for Neil's suspected sensory processing issues. One thing I can say is that life is never dull with these kids! :))

[Bat Macdui]

Yeah, this is where I found it useful. It helped me see that they were "real" issues, and not just me being lazy/rubbish. There's plenty on there that don't apply to me, but that's good to recognise too - it's not one size fits all. While I totally get your point, Viggy, it can be counterproductive thinking about the positives when you're really struggling. There's a lot of stigma about neurodivergence, and a lot of toxic positivity about embracing yourself for who you are, but it's actually very helpful having others recognise the bits you find hard (not to mention recognising them yourself, and moving away from beating yourself up). Recognising the hard bits doesn't mean you don't recognise the positives, it means you can get into a place where you can help yourself and access help and support you need.

THAT is exceptionally well put.

Smun, why do not think Joe needs medicating? I am curious, though obviously, you don't have to answer (or answer here) if you don't want to. :))

[Smunder Woman]

It's not so much that I don't think he needs it, it's more that I think it's important for him to understand himself, and have school etc understand him, so the meds aren't the primary focus. I kind of think that would come down to whether he wants to try them or not, rather than being my decision. That might not make any sense :))

Of course, I might be slightly overoptimistic about how much difference it would have made if I was diagnosed younger. Maybe the meds would still be what made the difference, rather than being able to find strategies that worked.

[Bat Macdui]

That makes sense. From my perspective, I really think I didn't have the brain space to make the strategies etc work until the meds gave me that better ability to pause and implement. And I think if Joe is of an age to be able to have that discussion and make a choice about try/don't try then obviously it's incredibly sensible to run it that way, rather than just going 'HERE TAKE THE DRUGS'. :))

[Bat Macdui]

The what might have happened/what might not have happened if I'd had both diagnoses and medication as a child/teenager is a MASSIVE rabbit hole I try not to go down, though. :))

[Smunder Woman]

The what might have happened/what might not have happened if I'd had both diagnoses and medication as a child/teenager is a MASSIVE rabbit hole I try not to go down, though. :))

I still don't have strategies, so I'm probably talking complete nonsense on this one :))

[Bat Macdui]

I have strategies, I employ them in an ad hoc fashion. :)) I very much adhere to the one recommended by the Psychiatry UK doctor who diagnosed me which was basically 'if you're heading over the edge, take a mini pill'. :))

[Smunder Woman]

We had the same doctor, I think :)) I probably do have some kind of strategies, but definitely have not gone all bullet journal and timetables.

[Derek Nimmo]

Having observed my ex at close quarters for so many years (who in retrospective was so very obviously undiagnosed ADHD - when he got his diagnosis aged 40 it was a giant OH for all concerned), I think giving him both coping strategies and medication as early as possible would have meant quite a different life for him. (But I tried to stop him going down the 'what if?' route too much because, unsurprisingly, he was in danger of hyper-focusing on how much better life would have been to the exclusion of actually figuring out what he needed to do going forwards.)

Anyway, my point is that early diagnosis = great, it will help Joe with so much with understanding himself and lessening his frustrations with the world.

[Sky]

I don't find any advantages at all, especially when my hyperfocus manifests itself in a tv binge and I realise I've put off going for a piss for the last four hours and I'm a bawhair away from my bladder rupturing or when it takes me an hour to go to bed and I just sit staring at the wall. I actually hate it.

[Zoomer]

Huh. My J has practically all of the characteristics of that Iceberg diagram. (Especially Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria which I had to google, and :lol: OMG, I'm not saying you're a terrible person and no-one loves you, I'm just asking you not to leave your teabags in the sink! :ella: )

I am going to print it out and show it to him. I don't know how much difference it will make getting meds for ADHD rather than bipolar (if any of you do, please feel free to chime in!) but I'm going to try and make him do soemthing about it anyway. He's so down on himself for a lot of these traits and it's not fair.

[Smunder Woman]

From what I've read (just based on people's own experiences) it does seem to make a big difference being on the right meds. ADHD is quite commonly misdiagnosed as bipolar and similar, so there could be something in that.

Thanks, Derek. That's kind of what I was thinking. It has to be better than not knowing, really.

Sorry, Sky. I have nothing useful to say, but have a hugh.

[Zoomer]

Thanks Smun. I've contacted an ADHD association here (where ADHD is rather amusingly called TDAH) to see if they can recommend a pyschiatrist in the region as I've found so many don't know their arse from their elbow in this respect.

[Bat Macdui]

I thought I had anger management issues until I got ADHD meds. There's a school of thought that isn't sure about bipolar being an actual thing, more misdiagnosed neurodivergence. I don't know enough about it to be confident saying I think it's right or not but I do know enough about autism/ADHD to be able to see how both/either* undiagnosed could quite easily be diagnosed that way. And then we go down *another * rabbit hole of would I just have got that if my Mum hadn't be so resistant to letting me get anywhere near the mental health system. :))

And yeah, it is bloody hard work. I am mostly generally positive because you know, it is what it is, *hitches bosom*, we are where we are. And I do like my brain. But the days of sitting down to work at 7am, blindly and meaninglessly refreshing the internet til 12pm then crying in frustration at my own shitness. They're hard work. Thank fuck for amphetamine.

*They are the same thing, I am absolutely sure. You just get a chunk of traits of each in whatever concentration and get a diagnosis of one or both if you're lucky.

[viggy]

I am going to print it out and show it to him. I don't know how much difference it will make getting meds for ADHD rather than bipolar (if any of you do, please feel free to chime in!) but I'm going to try and make him do soemthing about it anyway. He's so down on himself for a lot of these traits and it's not fair.

L was being treated for possible Bipolar and ADHD for a while so it's definitely possible to medicate for both, though it did make the titration process different for the ADHD meds. (In L's case he felt like the Bipolar was a misdiagnosis and once he swapped to the care of an ADHD specialist they agreed with him.)

Apologies if I came across as ONLY wanting to focus on the positives earlier, that wasn't my intention at all.

[Little My]

Ugh, I'm being mansplained. Send help. :cry: One of R's teachers, who is newish, has been making her take lots of notes from the board. Under her ADHD iceberg (liking that diagram :)) ) she has visual processing disorder, and so an accommodation the school has made is that her teachers provide hard copies on her desk, or allow her to take photos, so she can actively listen and learn. Apparently he has his students write notes in a funky groovy new way and so it's fine actually, and she may want to use his methods in her other classes.. Yes, but that's still note-taking from the board. He is not listening to R or to me.

[Ruby]

Oh what a prick, and typical of a male teacher in my experience. A bloke in my old team reckoned he could get an elective mute to talk in class with his "strategies". I watched, thrilled, as she just stared him out.