Simon Baron-Cohen can stuff right off

[Little My]

That is reassuring, thank you. I think my worry stems from B being such a people pleaser and saying everything is always fine. It's easier when asking after a physical ailment, rather than how is your mood? Is he crashing too much? I'm more worried about that than him not having enough meds. His behaviour in general is great.

Sorry, that ended up being quite a splurge!

What did your friend not like about Adderoll?

[Jet]

I definitely don’t get a lot of input from S either so I understand your worry.

She said she had increased anxiety, dry mouth and found she was speaking really fast.

[Jet]

So I decided yesterday that waiting wondering and not feeling great about trying the meds until next weekend when we're away was worse (more stressful) than just biting the bullet so I started taking it yesterday. I made sure I took it a good hour before I had any meetings just in case and I needn't have worried, it was almost even less noticable than when I took the kids ritalin.

I had a bit of a weird work day so I can't say really how it impacted that - it wasn't really a usual day for me so not a great test. I definitely noticed later in the day after work a little more brain quiet/less chatter/feeling less chaotic and there were a few times in the day my head felt sort of fizzy. But it wasn't anything really amazing or noticeable. Definitely impacts appetite, although its not that I'm not hungry, I have the physical feeling of hunger but not so much the desire for any food - looking in the fridge and nothing looking good and then sort of forcing it and only making it half way through. I think I will just need to expect to eat a couple smaller things and try to have things to hand that would work for that.

The only other thing I noticed is I really wanted to call all my friends. Not about anything, just had a real compulsion to connect with people.

I am not sure what dosing is standard but I think she's started me fairly low.

[Cerise]

I had a call with the consultant on Thursday morning and he asked if I fancied trying doubling the dose to 20mg but I didn’t feel up for it. Thursday, Friday and Saturday, felt better on it so I’ve doubled today as it felt like a safe option (no work, no driving).

Jet, what you said about appetite was interesting because that’s exactly how I felt - kind of hungry but not able to eat much. I made up for it at my friend’s last night thought!

[Jet]

I will retract slightly that it didn’t feel like it did much because today I didn’t take it (not planned, I just slept too late - also unusual! And didn’t want to risk it impacting sleep tonight as I have a big work day tomorrow) and it feels much more noticeable now - I’ve already gotten up started unplanned projects interspersed with time consuming side quests (one of which went awry and ended up with me spilling basil all over the kitchen ), all the while haven’t had anything to eat - I have a few simple things to do (like sending some messages, prepping for some things that need done today) and I’m swirling. The kids volume is already making me irritable, which it really didn’t yesterday.

[Cerise]

This might be an unanswerable question but how do you know whether medication is working?

Please can you explain what changed for you once your medication was right?

Thanks!

[Sky]

I don't feel the benefits of my meds until the odd occasion when I forget to take them and it feels like time stands still. It's like being really hungry whilst wading through mud.

[Cosmopolitan]

Yeah, once you get used to the physical effects, meds just make everything easier.

Once I'd been on them for 3 months or so I noticed that quite a lot of stuff was going better
- I had stopped procrastinating stuff - like I could go to the gym when I'd planned. I could make plans and have them be workable and I'd actually stick to them.
- my mood balanced out a lot, I felt less RSD and less panicky about being unable to do things.
- I started to be able to trust myself, I'd never been able to achieve goals.
- my communication became more succinct. My work emails, conversations and presentations all became better and less waffly. People noticed.

I think the ability to think thru a plan for the day and actually get it done has made me feel so much happier. It's made me feel more comfortable with relaxing and taking time to chill out. I don't always have a weight of stuff not done over my head.

[Jet]

From my short experience, I'd say the same as Sky - I thought it wasn't massively noticeable until I didn't take it.

I'm obviously very early days and I've got some things to figure out (unless they sort of just level off themselves) but I have noticed:
- I'm a bit more direct, not overthinking things or not saying something for fear of reactions - a coworker noticed it too (although made a point to say she doesn't think its a bad thing!). Its interesting to just sit in a room full of people and say something and just be cool with it - no internal turmoil
- its removing a layer of anxiety that I realize is practically permanent and I'm struggling a bit with the feeling* - I also think (especially at work) that makes me quite effective at a lot of things and I need to reconcile that as I don't want to 'lose' something good but also appreciate that it may be for the best because its not really 'good' if fulled by permanent anxiety
- I still feel like I'm not applying myself easily to some things that need done at work, but on a weekend day I noticed the length of time I was able to sit and do something without getting off task, getting up and doing something else was notable. I wonder if for work I might just need to be on a higher dose but I need more time to see

*maybe less so a feeling than just that I think there is a speed and efficiency at certain things that I'm used to that I think is quite closely related to anxiety and hyper vigilance and without it I've had moments of feeling a bit dumb and like my brain isn't firing like it normally does. That feels like a big change I think I quite heavily rely on my quick thinking, impulse, quick creative thinking and I felt that it was a bit muted.

I've also noticed the lack of the usual hyper vigilance while I'm driving and I find it unnerving - like I'm aware I'm not doing some things I normally do and I think deep down I know I'm being safe still, but it feels off - I'm definitely realizing the anxiety and hyper vigilance has been 'keeping me safe' in a lot of aspects of my life.

[Cerise]

Thanks for sharing. It’s helpful to know this stuff.

I chatted with the consultant yesterday and ‘m going to take a week off (started yesterday) because dealing with med adjustment over Christmas did not fill me with joy. Interesting, yesterday I was absolutely knackered and had an afternoon slump. One of the main things I had noticed on the meds was how awake I felt. I’ll start back on after Christmas where I left off and take it from there.

[Jet]

How are things, cerise?

I’ve been on a bit of an up and down journey on the meds but have made peace with a few things and am feeling better about continuing the last couple weeks.

Also just sliding back into this thread so say last week I was diagnosed as autistic. I feel like I need to go back and read this whole thread from the start - especially after seeing SBC behind some of the tests (that were referenced in the op - those weren’t the only ones they did thankfully).

I haven’t told anyone except my family (immediate, Mr J and the kids) and my brother. I realise it doesn’t change anything for anyone else but it’s big for me - so I’ll think some more on sharing with who and when. Also feeling a little wary posting as I’ve seen so many folks eye rolling at adhd and autism lately on here.

Overall I feel very similar to how bats and smunder described the first few pages of the thread. So much is very familiar including some of the ‘what’s the point’, ‘but you’ve got a good job’, ‘but you’ve had such a successful life’ (funny this one was from my brother - not to his fault entirely, I don’t generally talk about hard things or difficult times, so he seems to think I’ve just coasted through life in success and well roundedness when it reality it’s been very different ).

[Smunder Woman]

I need a rant and this seems as good a place as any. I'm working on a project about educational technology/learning analytics, and someone on the project team came out with an absolute gem today. We don't need to consider neurodiversity because we're aiming at future ship captains, so we want the best people, and not to make everything so easy that anyone can do it. I may have lost my shit.

[Smunder Woman]

How are you feeling about it now, Jet?

[Jet]

How f-ing infuriating, smun. Amazing they’ve never met a ‘ship captain’ that is neurodivergent - or they probably have but had no clue what it actually means to recognise it or appreciate it.

I’m feeling ok - but still figuring out what to say about it, for as and when I want or need to. I’ve spoken to my brother a few times but not my parents (they know, we just haven’t had an actual phone call). I feel like I need to think through some things - even in the last week I’ve made connections about things I hadn’t before, more things seem to connect. I just think I need a more complete thought or set of connections before I can comfortably speak more about it.

[Smunder Woman]

Yeah, I totally get that. I'm still making connections and stuff 4 years later.

To update on the meeting twat, the colleague who was with me has escalated it to HR and our line manager. It's now officially discrimination and harassment, which feels a bit weird but I want them to at least be made to feel uncomfortable and think about it. That comment wasn't the only thing that's happened, there's been a lot of seemingly small things over a couple of years that have just come to a head.

[Jet]

I bet that does feel weird but hope it’s a good lesson for them.

I did talk to my parents yesterday. And I’m glad I gave it some time and space for them to think or do whatever they wanted or needed with the information. The conversation was overall fine, a bit tiring, but my mum said a couple things that led me to hope she gets some comfort from it too. Suffice to say she’s placed ‘blame’ for some things on herself all these years when it’s more likely to be partly just my actual personality and partly masking (coping mechanisms etc). She also acknowledged some things about the dynamic with my brothers struggles - that that took up all the oxygen in the room at times and I think she may be connecting that I went out of my way to not be a problem and not be the focus. Not a point I would voluntarily labor because I don’t think it’s helpful for my brother to have something else to feel bad about.

[Smunder Woman]

That sounds pretty positive. I still haven't spoken to my parents about it properly, but there's the odd comment every now and again.

I have spoken to my sister properly though. She is waiting to get my niece assessed for ADHD because she's just like me Once my sister had said that (and I'm totally fine with it), I told her all about how she should pursue it because I didn't want my niece going through all the shit mental health I had due to not understanding why things were how they were. It was very much an "I'm telling you this and then we are never speaking of it again" kind of thing though. Communication is not my strong point :))

[Dutchie]

This thread has been so helpful to me at various points in time. Both J1 and J2 have been diagnosed with ADHD, J2 much earlier on than his big bro. J2 used meds for a while but stopped when he somehow found a way to focus without. He also had quite a bit of therapy, all of which helped him. J1 was only recently diagnosed but so far has brushed off any offers of help, be it meds, therapy or extra time for tests at school. However, I notice it making his life difficult more and more. He has a part-time job and he is always on time but only just, and they have always said they would like him to be there 5 - 10 minutes before his shift starts. On Saturday he was 1 minute late and got sent home. This will scare him into being on time for a while but then he will slip back into old habits. Likewise at college. At the moment he is phoning in sick at least once a week there. No idea what he is running/hiding from but this is not healthy behaviour. Inspired by this thread, I have just emailed the therapist that diagnosed him for a series of follow-up sessions that she suggested starting once he'd been at college for a few months. I think he really could use some professional help.

[Lily]

Jet, I don't have any advice but I'm glad you have a diagnosis and have been able to talk to your parents about it. What does Mr J think? Was he surprised?

Smun, what's the latest with your complaint? Well done for not just putting up with it.

Dutchie, again I have no advice but the time thing struck a chord. I'm not ND but I have a MASSIVE issue with time. I cannot get my head around how quick/slow minutes are and it's mortifying and panics me. I'm always flying out of the door and things always always take longer than I plan, because minutes seem slow and then suddenly you blink and they're fast. Apparently this is called time blindness, I lost a thread I was reading about it but one woman said she sets alarms for when she has to leave for any appointment. Perhaps J1's clocks could all be made a bit fast?!

It's like I just can't compute how quickly time goes. It sounds stupid but having read about it I felt so relieved that I'm not the only one!

[Smunder Woman]

That sounds exactly like me when I was younger, Dutchie. I don't know the answer, but I know the flexibility of my current job is a big factor in managing it (not helpful for J though!).

Thanks for asking, Lily. I don't know really. I didn't escalate it, it was my colleague, so I'm not sure I will hear more. I have an appointment at the occupational psychology place in a few weeks, so there's definitely some action being taken. I only have a few weeks left in this job though, so I might not hear more.

On the subject of jobs... I'll be unemployed at the end of March, which was always a strong possibility due to grant funding etc. I was at my usual psychologist this morning for my ADHD review and it appears I am ADHD as fuck again. My meds have been increased and he recommended I consider disability-related reduced working hours and shizz. I don't think that would be helpful in my current job, but probably would in others where there's not trust-based working patterns. I can't decide if I find it hilarious or am devastated at qualifying for it so spectacularly

The Swede was massively unsurprised at the news that my meds were increased